heavy soul

Solace

Later that week it was some second year specialists birthday, he had used some old abandoned war rooms to throw a party. It was supposed to be super low-key but I was friends with him so I got the girls in our room invited too
Although the thoughts of uncertainty surrounding my relationship with riven still plagued me ,I'd been sort of subconsciously avoiding him and had overly occupied myself with books . to be honest I spent majority of my time in the library riven seemed to notice, he even asked bloom if I was alright .
I did feel bad but the anxiety around my relationship with him overruled any sense of guilt but now came the moment I was dreading.
I had skilfully avoided riven by appearing to be preoccupied with classes but now it's a Friday night and I have no classes or work, he knows that because he specifically asked bloom about my class schedule. I ran into him today in the cafeteria it was a pitifully awkward Interaction

Riven walked over in his effortlessly attacking manner and said "hey I haven't seen you around "
I went over and hugged him and politely replied
"I've just been going insane with all of these classes "
He nodded but I could tell that he barley believed me
"Are we still on for the lessons tonight ?"
Fuck how could I forget Friday nights riven gave me specialist lessons I can't get out of it it'll look rude besides I want to learn.
"Ya of course I'll see u at 5 then"
I went up got changed and put on this pink set it's not my usual but my mom just sent it and I thought it was really cute. I might get dress coded but it's The weekend so I suppose I'll be fine.
I made my way to the lake towards the specialist training area I could see sky walking away from riven and towards me I was hoping to get by without having to interact with anyone but sky made eye contact with me and came over .
"Hey faith finally done avoiding riven "said sky sarcastically
" how's stella doing" I retorted back
"Fair point " sky said "but in all honesty faith " he continued "I don't know what's going on between you too but you can always talk to me " sky said
"Chill nothings going on and I knowwww" I said looking at him with a sorry look he bent forward and gave me a side hug before walking away and
I walked towards riven .
"Uh so I was thinking we could do some stick training today"
"Here " he said and he threw the big stick to me and took the two smaller ones for himself
"Umm sky taught me how to fight with these over the summer " I said AWKWARDLY
"Of course he did " riven scoffed "we'll then we'll just get right to the combat part of it "
And he leant forward swinging at me I quickly dodged and looked at him pissed he smirked in return as he did the same again only this time I lol blocked it with stick and pushed him back I smirked at him overconfidently when he suddenly sweeped my leg but put an arm around my back to prevent me from falling but consequently the sticks had fallen out of my hand and he just sort of stared at me with a smirk and for the first time that week I genuinely smiled at him and he thought I was leaning in for a kiss but at the perfect moment I sweeped his leg making him land on the mat with his back towards it and I was on top of him .
He gave me a look of betrayal and flipped us over so I was at the bottom now and he pinned my hands down on my chest and said
" I miss you please just talk to me " I looked at him quite taken back I did not expect that I replied noncholantly saying " I'm fine like am I not being fine "He gave me the most annoyed expression and said " ya your perfectly fucking fine " and he got off and left the softness from his eyes had gone and I new it was my fault so after contemplating it I got up and ran after him I caught up to him and breathlessly said " riven just stop fucking walking god I'll pass out " and he looked at me seriously trying not to laugh at my disheveled state and said " what " coldly but I did deserve that so I ignored it and tried wording some of my emotions " I just cannot I don't know I feel like this may sound unbelievably stupid and irrational now that I'm saying it out loud but I feel like you still like Beatrix and maybe ur just with me because she's unavailable I don't fucking know so I guess I completely blocked u out to save myself from the inevitable pain I'd go through once you'd leave me " I felt like I'd just put my soul out on a platter in front of him hoping that he wouldn't absolutely shatter it he looked at me with an absolutely dumbfound and borderline flabbergasted " are you like fucking insane why would I ever want to leave you I cannot BELIVE tbat I had to go through a week of being genuinely so concerned when all I should have done was spoken to you about it I'm just not used to this whole relationship thing but I love you and Beatrix being available or not will never change that so can we please just go back to us now " he said
And I smiled in return and said " ya we both kinda suck at this entire relationship thing " he laughed and pulled me into a hug when I pulled back he looked me in my eye and smiled and then kissed me it was so slow and tender but felt like everything I needed to dispel all of that anxiety he then looked at me with a smirk and said " you know you look so hot right now I wanted to tell you so bad but u kept fucking ignoring me " I just laughed and said " ew riven keep that going and ill go back to avoiding you "
" that won't work theyres no getting rid of me now " he said as he squeezed my cheeks I pretended to hate it and scrunched my nose up in disgust but heaven only knows the solace I found in him.