"Onto the other shore" - Story of a testimony -

CHAPTER 18 : TODAY IS THE DAY OF SALVATION

This is how Jesus came into my life.

I always felt that something was missing in my soul; something I was constantly looking for in the wrong things. But at the same time I had always been quite humble. And I am convinced that this humility is given by God.

There came a time when for a few days the first commandment came to my mind continuously: «You shall have no other gods before me.» (Exodus 20:3).

When one day I spoke to a classmate of mine about the pagan things that I wanted to do, I saw her reaction. She seemed very uncomfortable when I was talking to her about those things; that was the time when I wanted to become a pagan. But the strange thing is that the "fear" that she was showing at that moment in her expression was actually perceived by me too, deep down. Maybe it wasn't even she who had it, just me. Was it by any chance fear of abandoning God or fear of the Lord? To this day I don't know why I felt that fear, but it helped me (Proverbs 9:10).

And I felt a sense of contradiction: If I really can decide to become what I want and nothing bad will happen to me, then why do I feel so bad about making this choice?

No one had ever told me about God's righteousness and holiness or His love and what He had done for humanity according to what the Bible really says; yet He humbled me in His love.

One night, just before going to sleep, I started thinking about my life; I began to think above all about my life choices, almost out of nowhere and I didn't understand why it was happening to me. I did some research first. I think that day was maybe in April in 2019. The first thing I looked for was homosexuality and the Bible if I'm not mistaken.

Then I began to finally and truly understand what sin is, even by reading Bible verses. I had never actually read the Bible before. And I began to cry from the pain, from the pain of having sinned and done such a bad thing to my Creator, who loves me so much and demonstrated it in the most powerful way by sending his Son Jesus, who died on the cross for my sins (Romans 5:8-9). The sensation is legitimate, of sorrow. Because you realize that everything you've believed up until now was a lie, and it's almost as if everything Is falling apart. It's not a good feeling to feel. But then God fills you with joy and love when you ask for forgiveness and believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior. Yes, at that moment I felt strong emotions that I don't even know if they can be described like that, sme never felt before. But who can understand the human heart? or tell God that He created us wrong because He gave us the ability to have such strong feelings? He also experiences emotions and feelings. Not that everything we feel is always from God, mind you. But at that moment that was God's conviction that brought me to salvation.

Difference between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow:
2 Corinthians 7:10 «Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.»

I ask myself: Why don't I always learn from the things that happen to me? Because despite who or what situation, we need to learn to listen and then act, only in this way can we change things.

In my pain I called my dad. I wanted to feel comforted. It was as if my heart and soul were throbbing, an ache that would not go away.
Hebrews 4:12 «For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.»
My father came and tried to comfort me, but to no avail. His comfort, or anything else, didn't give me peace.

At one point, thanks also to the fear I felt, that although it hurt, it was leading me to really want to discover the truth and what I had to do to be saved, I continued to research. And I found a YouTube channel in English that has false prophets and pastors in it, but I didn't even know they existed at the time. I don't watch it anymore now.
But in one of the videos there was a sinners prayer; I prayed it and that day I truly became a Christian. To be saved you must repent and believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior.
(Remember: it is not so much important what we pray in this case, but how we pray, understanding that we are sinners and need a savior. If our heart is truly repentant before God and we truly believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior, He will forgive and save us from our sins.)

I don't remember exactly what I felt immediately after, but I went and said to my parents, "I have decided to remain a Christian." In reality I had never been one, I had just started. It is a journey, because one must persevere in the faith (2 Timothy 4:7). But that sentence and that act of repentance and faith changed my life…

A Pill of Knowledge:

The Battle (my prayer)

“Lord, I don't know what to tell you. What I do know though is that I don't want to be fake. I want to talk about the things that are deep in my heart, those are sincere and powerful. But first I have to know what's in my heart. Search my heart oh God. You created me by breathing your spirit of life into me; let me speak His language. Guide my words, make them flow like a fountain from my lips. I can only adore you in spirit and in truth. But where is the fire? Where is the praise in my heart? Where is my gratitude? Where is my being true? Bring out the wonders of the deep. Change me, wash me and purify me as only you can. I ask you for help, oh Lord. For sincere repentance, blessing, help and ardor to you, to be a true warrior in the faith. This is the battle against myself. But in the mighty name of the Lord it is won. Forgiveness triumphs. Hallelujah, thank you Lord and glory to your name. I have to focus on you, not myself. On faith, trust and providence. Thank you for your wisdom. Amen"