"Onto the other shore" - Story of a testimony -

CHAPTER 9 : ... THE TEASING

I wanted to do a chapter where I talked about just this.

Let me begin by repeating something from chapter five: "Making fun of people is a horrible thing that hurts others, sometimes even when it's just for fun. The words remain like scars in the heart; do not use or perceive them lightly. Talking badly about others, or gossiping, is called slander and it is a sin. It hurts their souls, and also that of those who said the word themselves, even if it may not seem so at first."

I was bullied, not physically, but only through words. And do you know why it hurts so much? Because as it is written: «death and life are in the power of the tongue» (Proverbs 18:21)

Words affect a person for good…or for bad.
In a sentence I read it is written: "words create and destroy, save and humiliate, heal and wound."
Now I just want to say be careful not to get into pagan, mystical or new age reasoning with these things. That verse isn't telling us that we can create things out of nothing or manifest our reality; it is telling us that words can cause or inspire positive or negative responses in ourselves and in the people around us. They can be used to uplift or to destroy. We will also be judged by our words (Matthew 12:37).
When you read the Bible, context is very important.

Entering middle school I was unaware of everything that was going to happen; I was scared, but hopeful.

The first reason I was made fun of was my cat character; I was often just called 'cat'. It happened because some of my former elementary school and oratory classmates blurted out about it.

I was selective mute even in middle school. This brought great suffering and I think I made my parents suffer too. But thank God they have always supported and loved me anyway. And some professors too.

Only here I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life: since I was afraid to speak, defend myself and couldn't create relationships, do you know what I did? I started hissing and growling like a cat when I got angry. It was like falling head first into a trap I created myself, a truly counterproductive gesture. As they say, 'I gave them what they wanted, tit for tat'.

The teasing lasted all three years of middle school.

It was really horrible, frustrating. So much so that it's not always easy to talk about it, and I wrote it here very fast.

Sometimes I was made fun of for the things I said. When I shared my interests I felt like an alien, because I wasn't listened to, nor did I find someone with similar preferences to mine. Just one girl in my class, pretty much the only one I chatted with without any fear that she would make fun of me. And sometimes with some other people too, but it wasn't the same thing.

I will say that being made fun of affects you and changes your thinking if you let it. I began to see myself as ugly and fat, as well as having self-esteem issues.

I loved learning, and I was curious, but my grades and attention in class didn't show it. I always entered my imaginary world to escape reality: I invented stories and used the objects in the pencil case as characters. I called these imaginations and daydreams thought dreams (TD); I also had them at home or on the bus and listening to music helped me a lot to create imaginations. I listened to songs almost exclusively in English (since I got my first real phone and discovered the world of YouTube). I Will also remind you that I am Italian, for those Who forgot. And I also used my toys at home as characters that I made up stories with.

These stories were of two main types:
For the TD  the protagonist was almost always me, where I faced adventures, created imaginary and fantasy worlds, defeated evil and shyness, love stories…
With characters invented by me or taken from TV series, films, etc.: mostly fantasy adventures.

After becoming a Christian I discovered that this thing I was doing is most likely what is called Maladaptive Daydreaming.
It differs from normal daydreams in the excessive way it is done (even for hours and hours at a time), they are often very vivid and cause you to make movements, facial expressions or talk when you do them, very often it is a coping mechanism or a way to run away from reality and can even affect or interfere with your life, making it difficult to stop doing them and to distinguish reality from fantasy.

The first song I learned to sing in English was Roar by Katy Perry. The songs helped me a lot in learning English. I was and still am good at English (although I never knew much about grammar, all memory), but unfortunately I was afraid of oral tests (in Italy we have those, they are called 'interrogazioni'), so I didn't get high grades in English middle school.

During recess I was always in the same places and alone, as far away as possible from people who might have made fun of me and from my peers in general, because I was afraid of them. I ate trying not to show my mouth for fear of looking disgusting and walked looking at the ground.

One time I tried to upload some videos on YouTube… but it didn't end well.

This was a bit of a summary.

I hope Jesus helps and heals anyone who is facing similar situations and bullying.

God bless you

A Pill of Knowledge:

(I would have liked to repeat the Pill of chapter four, but I will say another one. However, I suggest you read that too)

I will write this now, inspired by something I wrote some time ago. Shyness is like a bubble or veil; it makes you feel enclosed and protected, but it is very fragile.

I would like to make people think about the concept of "hiding", based on some verses. Because sooner or later everything we've done will come to light or be exposed:

Luke 8:17 «For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.»

Ephesians 5:11-14 «Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”»

Matthew 10:27 «What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.»