Living and Dying with Jasmine Hill

Chapter Three

I've told you how she enticed me into being her victim. The stupid conversations, falling asleep on the phone, and pumping my gas even when I didn't ask. All were ways of making me feel safe. And it would be stupid if her to think that even tho I initially felt safe, the feeling of security would lessen as her attacks started. Mixed through out her attacks, promises, and late nights on roof tops, and calls in the middle of the nights filled with not apologies and victim complexes also came.

Jasmine knew I was slipping away but she wouldn't admit she was the problem. Sometimes I wonder if she realized what she was doing or not, sometimes I give her the benefit of the doubt but other times I hate her and make her drop her phone in the toilet.

Rachel, Natalie, Jonathan, and Wesley were Jasmines friends first and I tried to remember that through our relationship. I would make myself look stupid in front of them to keep a fight from happening. She would say something passive aggressive about my drinking or clothes, or would outright slut shame me and flaunt me in front of the boys.

Jonathan and Wesley were stupid, they didn't catch the glances and the grabs with the little flash of horror before the laughing. Rachel and Natalie did though, they're reaction's totally opposite. While Natalie tried to turn the 'jokes' to something or someone else; Rachel would join in with Jasmine and make it all worse while the boys laughed along. Eventually, over the months, the boys stopped laughing as much and started changing the subject almost aggressively.

The only time Jasmine and I got in a fight in public was at Rachels house, everyone else stayed neutral, but Rachel blew up at me and kicked me out.

~~~~~~

12 and a half months ago

*Trigger Warning*

"Aw, look at Abbey, she looks so pretty, and her brother look so happy," I said laying across the couch in Rachel's basement. I scrolled through Instagram liking the picture as it came across my screen.

Abbey was on my best friends pre-move, she was a year ahead of me in school but we grew up together and I thought of her as my sister. Her older brother D'ante just got married.

"Why are you liking other girls posts, especially posts in a dress like that?" Jasmine asked grabbing my phone, literally from my hand.

"What are you talking about, that's Abbey?" I said sitting up, Jasmine clicked on her profile and started scrolling through her posts.

"Who the fuck is Abbey?"

"Who the fuck is Abbey? Jazz we just had brunch with her like two weeks ago, in Hellen?" I said trying to jog her memory, I know that when she smokes her memory gets a little bit foggy, so when she smokes I don't.

"Oh wow," she says stopping at a picture of us a few years ago, it was a series of pictures, all from my 16th birthday party. I looked at the picture she was stopped at. A picture of us on her couch, her arm wrapped around me shoulders, our fingers intertwined as I kissed her. We were drunk and playing truth or dare, there was never anything there, and there still isn't to even think about that memory, except for that photo.

I sat frozen watching as she scrolled back up to the top of the page clicking on our messages. I had nothing to hide, expect for the months of messages telling her about how draining our relationship is. Without thinking I shot my hand out snatching the phone back. The first thing she'd see is the last thing I sent: my suspicion of her and Rachel sleeping together, with receipts.

I clutched the phone to my chest, standing up off the couch "dude what the hell?" I said looking down at her. She had a smirk on her face like she knew that I knew that I fucked up. I'm not hiding the messages from her I'm hiding them from her friends. At this point it would be stupid of me to think I would last longer than her friends, and I don't want to be the thing that messes up her group.