How You Get The Boy || h.s au

20. Dear Diary: 4

12th September 2015

Dear diary,
⠀⠀⠀⠀If there was an award for embarrassing yourself in front of your crush and his friend I would win for sure. I'd make the other contestants drop out because they knew they'd have no chance. But at least I'd win something, not a date to Fernando's with Harry where we'd kiss as the sun set behind the calm waves... Where was I? Oh yes I wouldn't win a man but I'd get a trophy- I hope.

I normally have good hearing however when it comes to that song they shut off and all I can hear is Vanessa Carlton's sweet voice and all I can picture is a large black man singing a long as he drives his date away from their previous location. I guess I could've been watching a worse film. But you could've been watching a cooler film my brain reminds me. I always did prefer my heart, at least she tries to make me feel better all my brain does is remind me of embarrassing times in my life. Like the time I was 6 and fell into a freezer. I wanted the tub of chocolate ice cream which was at the bottom so I leant further in, lost my balance and fell in head first. In the middle of an all you can eat restaurant. A waiter had to pull me out which was considerably hard since (even though my mom never let's me say it) I was a chubby kid- god damn my love for Big Macs at the age of 5- but in the end he got me out, people cheered and I managed to keep hold of the chocolate ice cream. The moral of that story? I've always been a pro at embarrassing myself.

Out of all the people that could've walked in it had to be the one and only Mr Styles, didn't it? I mean Niall could've walked in, Elizabeth, Obama! But of course the hair and green eyes had to enter my room at one of my most cheesiest moments.

I bet Paige doesn't sit jamming to white chicks... She's too cool, she probably spent tonight at a party drinking from red cups, listening to house music which isn't really just music- it's noise, a horrible noise and playing drinking games. Don't get me wrong, when I'm home I go to parties with my high school friends but I'm the stand-in-the-corner-until-12-when-my-mom-can-pick-me-up gal. I don't really drink either; not after the time my friend was off her face and she fell down the stairs which smashed her nose and we were in AE until 4am. That was a fun night. So yes, I've been to parties but no I do not like them. My idea of a good time is being sat around a campfire with good friends, listening to good music and roasting marshmallows on the beach. Not being so off my face that I let some random guy fuck me senseless in the nearest toilet. But of course a campfire with friends is not cool. Drinking, smoking and under aged sex is fun. Isn't it crazy that even though we know the dangers of all these things people still do them, I remember being in year 9- the year everyone starts being badass- and this kid, at this moment in time his name escapes my brain but anyway he was always trying to convince his friends to smoke and in the end, they gave into peer pressure and began breathing in and out the intoxicating air. Luckily I never surrounded myself with people like them, my friends and I had multiple brain cells unlike those other people with only one and 98% of the time it doesn't work.

How did I get on to that? Oh yes Paige. Man, her name makes my stomach churn with jealousy and hatred. I have no reason to hate her and I hate that I hate her but I can't help but feel something in my gut telling me she's not right for him. Because I'm right for him. Christ, when did I turn into a crazy, obsessive fan girl? Right, when I laid eyes on that gorgeous dick. Not his actual dick, I'm yet to see that. I wonder if he has nudes? I bet he doesn't have little things. I hope he doesn't.

I hope to God, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad and any other person of importance that my mother never reads this diary. I hope no one ever reads this diary. They might think I'm constantly horny or something, well I am because I'm constantly thinking about Harry. My lord I need a glass of holy water- wait make that a bucket. Or a bath load.

But hopefully after plan 5, wait I think it's 7... Oh I don't know. I had memorised the plans but then they changed because of Paige, God damn she ruins everything. Anyway, after plan 7 Harry will realise that she is not for him. It feels wrong yes, but I'm doing it for him, at least that's what I keep telling myself but deep deep down (deeper than that freezer I fell into) I know what I'm doing is wrong, so incredibly wrong. However I can't stop myself from wanting them to sink like the titanic. They won't be remembered like the titanic though.. Everyone will forget Haige ever happened even Harry because he'll be to loved up with me to even give her a thought. (Another thing I keep telling myself)

Believe it or not 'diary' my whole life doesn't revolve around Harry, well a small percentage doesn't. I phoned my mom today who was complaining about how all her marigolds were dying I told her "mom it's September" but she kept on repeating that they don't normally die until October, by that point I was more interested in the fact that Niall was reading; I'd never seen him read not even his sound engineering books which he had piled in a box. Am un touched box but the box was being put to use, it was currently a foot rest. Why Niall's sudden interest in reading had come about was unclear to me but he seemed to be having a good time with a great classic.

It's currently 1:30am, why am I up so late on a school night you might ask (you wouldn't because you're a diary but let's pretend). I was up because there was this giveaway on a account I follow, I tweeted 254 times and still didn't win. People who had tweeted twice won, how on earth is that fair? Maybe it's a metaphor for life, people who try their hardest at everything get nothing and those who do nothing get everything. It's sad and its fucked up but that's what the world is. You can't change it only change with it, but everyone's too busy being the same old thing even though they know where it's going to get them.

The world is weird, fucked up and it can destroy the most beautiful things. But it can also create the most beautiful things, all we can do is preserve them and keep them beautiful.

Goodbye,

Aurora.

_

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~ M.