face your fears | sulljin

fin.

"Hey, Yunjin."

"Hey, Haewon."

The pair sits on a free couch in the living area, aimlessly admiring the happy faces that Yoona and Jinsol are wearing alongside the proud smiles that the guests have.

"I saw Yoona talking with you earlier," Yunjin hums, waiting for Haewon to continue although she already has a hunch of what the older one will ask, "what was it about?"

"You know Yoona," Yunjin sighs, "she's always been afraid of doing certain things that she wants to do." She takes a sip from the fresh juice that she's holding, "afraid that the other person involved would get hurt or something."

Haewon lets out a lighthearted chuckle, "typical Sullyoon." Jinni only nods along, not really knowing what to reply.

They continue to watch Yoona and Jinsol talk animatedly with each other while their other friends enjoy themselves. They're the main event and at the same time, they still live in their own little bubble. Haewon sees Sullyoon laugh at whatever Bae said, then she sees the look of adoration on Jinni's face.

Jinni has always adored Sullyoon.

"So," Haewon decides to open their conversation again, both her eyes and Jinni's not leaving the pair, "about earlier." Jinni hums again. Haewon takes it as a signal to continue, "what did you tell her? If you don't mind me asking."

Yunjin shrugs, feigning ignorance, "told her that she wouldn't know what would happen if she didn't face her fears."

"And she did?"

"And she did."

As if on cue, the pair looks at the shiny engagement rings that their youngest friends are wearing. The blasting of the speakers and Taylor Swift's Paper Rings continues to play in the background alongside the loud chatter and laughs from the guests and their friends.

Jinni lets out a deep sigh, "I'm really, really, proud of her."

Haewon could only stare at Jinni's side profile, not wanting to interrupt her moment. She said she's proud but she looks defeated, the older woman thinks. She's sure Yunjin wouldn't appreciate being pitied for having an unrequited love, but she can't help but feel sad. Seeing the look of adoration on her face while staring at Sullyoon is one thing, but knowing that they are literally in Yoona's engagement celebration with someone that isn't Yunjin is another. She isn't even picking sides because Jinsol is as important to her as Yunjin is.

"I'm really proud of Sullyoon," Jinni repeats. She reminisces their memories together; how they met because of their older sisters taking the same class, when they first fought about what jelly flavor tasted the best (Jinni actually loved orange and lemons - she only gave them up to Sullyoon because she knew Sullyoon loved them. The smile she would receive had always been worth it), and what they thought would happen if ever they were separated (Jinni and Sullyoon always knew that they'd never be separated anyway - they were best friends, after all).

"It used to take ages before she could finally face her fears," she then remembers when they were only ten and Yoona told her that she was afraid of dogs because she was bitten by one when she was younger, when they were only thirteen and Yoona was afraid of reciting in class because some jerk bullied her for being so meek, and when they were only seventeen and Yoona was afraid to leave her home to stay in their dormitory.

"And now," Yunjin stares at the wide smiles that Yoona and Jinsol are sharing. She recalls eighteen-year-old Yoona being afraid of her first date with some cute girl next door going all wrong and Yunjin had to playfully drag her out of their dorm room just so the cute girl next door didn't get stood up, when they were nineteen and Yoona finally had the courage to initiate a date with that cute girl just beside their dorm room, when they were twenty and Yoona decided that she and this cute girl were destined just like the ones in the fairytales, "and now, she did it in a flash."

And to the present, when Yoona said her sweet yes to Jinsol's proposal.

"Yeah," Haewon could only nod her head, "she's come a long way."

"She has," Jinni thinks out loud. She doesn't mean to overshare, but she already started it, and she might as well let out the things in her chest than regret it later on.

She looks at Haewon for a brief moment, "I remember the first time she faced her fear."

"Yeah?" Haewon replies softly, sensing the vulnerability in the younger one's voice.

"Yeah," Jinni tries to steady her voice. She shouldn't be crying at her best friend's engagement party and for that reason, nonetheless. I've moved on, she tries to deceive herself again, I'm her best friend, I shouldn't be sad over being in love with my best friend who's engaged right now.

Haewon stays silent. She's the only one in their circle of friends that knows about Yunjin's strong feelings for Yoona. She knows how hard this must be for Jinni, so she let her take her time, hoping that Yunjin would hang on a little longer until the party ends.

"She was afraid of losing me once," Jinni gives out a dejected chuckle, "but then I taught her how to face her fears, and she decided to let me go."

Jinni and Sullyoon always knew that they'd never be separated anyway, Jinni wanted to laugh, they were best friends, after all. It just hurts. Of course, she knows Yoona didn't let her go, she was exaggerating. She wouldn't let her go. But that's what it feels like when you're in love with your best friend - who has no idea about your feelings for her - being engaged to someone that isn't you.

"Oh," Haewon doesn't know what is appropriate to reply, but she also knows that it's more appropriate if she doesn't reply for now.

Yunjin closes her eyes and lets a few unwanted tears stream down her face, "look at her now; engaged and content with the love of her life."

Sometimes I wish I didn't let her face her fears-

Yunjin opens her eyes to look at Yoona again only to be greeted by Yoona's eyes staring at her, worried. She realizes that even if her feelings aren't returned, Yoona is still the same Yoona that she knows. Her roommate that showed her the best time in college. Her best friend that had her back every step of the way ever since they were kids.

Her Sullyoon. That would always have her heart.

-but seeing her this happy?

Jinni shakes her head, dismissing Sullyoon's concerned gaze. Finally feeling lighter, she mouths a genuine, "I'm happy for you." 

It's enough to make me happy.