Natural (vamplock)

Prologue: The Personal Blog of John H Watson

For maximum effect, read in and English/British/UK accent

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The Personal Blog of John H Watson

‘I know for a fact that my friend and flatmate, Sherlock Holmes, has never believed in mythical creatures. He is -and has always been- a very logical person, being Sherlock Holmes and all. Because of his logical view of the world, he’s never had a reason to believe in said mythical creatures as, to him, there is just no proof that these creatures exist.

This logical, steady belief of my friend was all that I knew of any of his beliefs, aside from the surety of when he accused Scotland Yard of being wrong. This belief changed, however, during one of the most arduous cases I’ve ever been on. How did his beliefs change if Sherlock is so stubborn and steadfast in his knowledge? Simple; he was presented with the facts and showed the proof. The proof, in the form of a living, breathing ‘mythical creature’. Well, more like an undead, bloodsucking mythical creature. If you haven’t guessed it, the aforementioned creature was a vampire. A sparkly vampire.

I’m just joking- vampires don’t sparkle. They are real, however. I mean, my best friend was bitten by one.

That’s a different story that will come later, I’m afraid. For now, let me explain a little bit about vampires so you readers have some knowledge of what the bloody heck is about to happen. I'm not exactly sure when or where the vampiric myth/legend originated from as I only know as much as the next man: vampiric characteristics can be traced back to ancient Greece, but Jure Grando Alilović or Giure Grando may have been the first real person described as a vampire in historical records. The story of Jure Grando is actually quite fascinating albeit a bit frightening. If anyone is interested, I suggest searching him up and doing a bit of reading. Just don’t read up on him at night.

Anyways, I might not know a whole lot of vampiric history, but I do know of a few modern interpretations of vampires and how today's beliefs contradict with actual vampiric behaviors. Bloody heck, I sound like a Sherlock when he talks about a case. Spending too much time with him, I guess, though that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Okay. Vampires. Some of the more iconic traits of a vampire, i.e., the unusually pale skin, the inability to cast a reflection, warded off by garlic, etc., dates back to the early 19th century. These traits, however, aren’t exactly true.

What I just listed aren’t fully true, but they aren’t completely false. First, vampires are actually very pale. Deathly pale, if you will. Pun intended. Vampires also have strikingly coloured eyes that you could spend hours staring at and never get bored. Stunning, is what their eyes are. Some eyes are ruby red, others are deep purples. I’m not kidding- their eyes are gorgeous. Sherlock is reading over my shoulder as I’m writing this and is laughing at my “romanticization”, as he likes to say.

Second, vampires indeed have a thirst for blood but don’t go on killing sprees as fiction claims. Vampires also have no pulse, cold skin, retractable fangs, small, claw-like fingernails, and an inability to digest proper food. No, really, it’s physically impossible. If they try to eat normal food, they get a rather horrible case of gastroparesis that is only relieved by vomiting. It’s disgusting. Trust me when I say a vampire with gastroparesis is worse than anything I’ve seen. I’d rather watch Sherlock and Janine snogging on the couch than be near a vampire in pain.

Third, vampires are exceptionally faster than the average human and have much keener senses, such as night vision, the ability to smell anything and everything within a mile radius, and a heightened sense of hearing. Kind of Spider-Man-esk, if you want to think about it that way. To give you a sense of how enhanced their senses are, I once dropped a pen onto a carpeted floor in a crowded, noisy room. Sherlock could hear it hit the floor from the opposite side of the room.

Fourth, there are hundreds and thousands of vampiric myths, including one specific one that vampires are the ruthless, mindless killing machines society has depicted the species as. Like I said earlier, vampires don’t necessarily do the whole ‘killing sprees’. Vampires, believe it or not, are actually very civilized. Despite needing blood to survive, most vampires are able to control their urges and satisfy themselves with small animals or other sources, like donors or blood bags. Or at least, that’s what one of the vampiric elders told me when she came to see Sherlock. I said they needed blood to survive, not live, because, technically, vampires are dead. No pulse, no heartbeat, literally nothing. And yet their bodies still function as if they were alive. Another myth is that vampires are super old-timey and stuff but actually, they are constantly adapting to their surroundings and the inevitable changing of the times. Though it varies from vampire to vampire- some have chosen to live as if they were still in the time they were changed. Most have adapted to modern times, however.

That’s enough for your ‘Vampire Lesson’ today. I could go on and on about vampires and how utterly fascinating they are, even more so from a medical standpoint, but I’ve already gotten off track too many times. I apologize, my dear readers. You’d probably want to hear about this case instead of my boring vampire lore, anyways. Instead, let’s cut to the chase -literally. 'The Vampire Chase' is what I’m calling it. Sherlock has migrated to the couch and is currently curled up in his robe, laughing at my blog again. Jokes on him, because we did exactly what the name suggests; we chased a vampire around London in the dead of night. Well, Sherlock did most of the chasing. I just followed him and made another mental note to get back in shape. I’m not as slim as I was when I served in Afghanistan.

You readers have waited around long enough, let me keep you no longer. I’ll start from the very beginning.

It was a snowy afternoon nearing the end of January when Detective Inspector Gregory Lestade came bounding up the stairs to 221b, soaking from head to toe from the sheer amount of snow outside. His face was a bit flushed and he was slightly out of breath. Standing in the doorway of our flat, he explained that a 22-year-old female was found dead in the kitchenette of her small flat, blood surrounding her body, her wrists sliced and still bleeding (albeit rather slowly). At first, it had seemed to be a suicide, until the police took a better look and noticed two puncture wounds about the size of a pea and almost exactly an inch from each other at the base of her neck, where neck met shoulder, and positioned exactly above the jugular vein in the victims neck. If it didn’t seem strange enough, well, you’re in luck because the strangest thing was that the victim’s blood was all but gone when the police showed up and called Sherlock.’