Winning His War

43

Jem's POV

Being stuck in a hospital bed was insanely boring, especially durning the day. No one came to visit durning the day, which was my fault since I always made them go to work, but still, it made the days drag on.

For several hours straight I was stuck sitting in a dark room in order to avoid migraines, with an uncomfortable bed, and complete silence surrounding me. It was nearly enough to make me go insane.

Every now and then a nurse would pop in to take vitals, run tests, change my bandages,  make a bit of small talk but they would be gone the second the work was done and I'd be alone again.

They claimed I was healing a lot better than they expected me to but it was hard to feel good about that considering the pain in my stomach and the fact that I wasn't the only one who was hurt.

Three injured and one dead.

It honestly could have been a lot worse. I think deep down I was expecting worse and while I was thankful that it wasn't as bad as it could have been, good people still died because of me.

I knew the plan was stupid. I knew a lot of things could have gone wrong. I knew we should have figured out a better way but I insisted anyway.

Don't think about, I told myself.You can't change anything now. Just accept it and do better next time. They signed up for this the day they met you. They knew the risks. They're the ones who didn't check all the bodies fast enough and let their guard down. If it's anyone's fault it's theirs.

That mantra didn't help. Every time I let my mind wander, I caught myself thinking about it more and more.

If I hadn't got shot when I did and forced Dev and Barrett away they could have insured nothing happened.

Or worse than that, they could have been dead instead.

The thought alone had me sick to my stomach and it was a hard thought to push away.

The days passed slow but when the nights finally came, it was a lot more bare able.

Dev and Barrett filled me in on everything that had happened that day before Andrew and Patrick got off work, taking turns and fighting over who was going to be the first to tell me the best news and who was going to have to tell me the not as good news.

When they were done catching me up with everything I demanded my laptop to get some work done before Patrick and Andrew got back but no amount of glaring or threats worked so I was stuck listening to them be idiots until the others arrived. I tried to act annoyed every day when they refused to bring me my work but before I even had a chance to try Barrett would start telling a story about someone in the warehouse and how stupid or funny they were being and it was hard to not get sucked in.

I couldn't explain it but somehow Barrett genuinely looked better. He had always been an upbeat, positive guy but it wasn't hard to see that all of that was a fake front. He all but stayed pissed of that things, he had terrible anxiety attacks, he's had a few depressive episodes, and he doesn't;t handle stress as well as Dev and I do. This job has been stacked against him ever since he first started. I wouldn't be surprised if Dev and I were the only reasons he stuck around but the more I look at him the better he seems to be doing.

It had been a few days since I woke up before I finally had a chance to ask Barrett how everything had been while I was gone. He had finally walked into the hospital room I was using without Dev being attached to his hip so I just asked him.

"It wasn't great," he admitted as if I didn't already know that.

"Meaning?"

"You can collect insurance money on some of those buildings you bought," he said sheepishly as he played with his hands while looking down at his feet.