Is this really happening // Ambrollins

Why am i like this

⚠️TW: alcohol use, self harm⚠️

Dean threw his bags onto the floor and crashed onto his bed, he felt so tired but his thoughts were keeping him awake. Yet again more bad thoughts entered his mind, he knew where they came from but he didn't wanna give in like he used to. He sat up on his bed and wiped his hand over his face, a tear formed under his eye. He stood up and walked over to his bag, he unzipped the little pocket at the front and grabbed the 2 small bottles of vodka and his first aid Kit before going into the bathroom, locking the door and sliding down to the floor.

He opened the first bottle of vodka and slowly took small sips until it was gone, then he opened the second and downed it as he didn't have time to play around anymore. He waited five minutes before opening his first aid kit and grabbing the razor from behind the plasters and bandages. He thought if this was really happening or if it was just a day dream but he knew it was real. He took the blade and stared at his arm before cutting multiple lines in his arm, tears streaming down his face as he did so. He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror, tears still streaming down his face. He stared at himself for a while before a wave of anger bubbles up inside of him. He started to punch the mirror in front of him, over and over and over until the mirror shattered into pieces.
He slid down onto the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest and placed his head between them. He started to sob. Alone.

Seth head the bang come from deans room, what was that he thought. He tried to listen through the walls but it was silent. Suddenly A bad feeling came over Seth, he grabbed his hotel key and unlocked his door, he walked out into the hotel hallway and turned to lock his door again. His heart rate started to rise as he walked over to deans door, he put his hand one the door handle and hesitated a little. Why does he care so much. Dean doesn't care about him. He shrugged these thought off and opened the door.

As he entered deans hotel room he just saw deans bag on the floor but no dean. He looked round the room until he spotted deans legs hanging out of the bathroom door way. He walked over and stood next to the door way incase Dean didn't hear him come in, Seth kicked deans leg to make sure he knew he wasn't alone. Nothing. Seth thought Dean had maybe fallen asleep in the bathroom. He walked in front of the door way and was in pure terror and shock.

He ran to deans side who lay unconscious on the bathroom floor next to a broken mirror and blood everywhere. Seth shock dean as much as he could but still dean wasn't answering.  He looked down at deans left wrist to find multiple cuts. Tears were filling in Seth's eyes but he needed to stop the bleeding and make sure Dean was alive. He looked round the bathroom to see if the was aiming that could stop the bleeding. Luckily there a was a towel but under it were 2 small bottles of vodka. "You idiot" Seth whispered. He looked around one who again to try and find something to wrap deans wrist up with. He found the first aid kit Dean had brought in with him and grabbed it.

He kept one hand on the towel over deans wrist and the other was searching through the first aid kit. He finally found a bandage, he took to towel off deans wrist and checked to see how deep all the cuts were. They weren't deep enough to need to go to the hospital luckily but Seth couldn't help but cry about what this man he used to consider a friend had done. Seth started to wrap up deans wrist as tight as he could, finally he had wrapped it well enough that the bleeding stopped from his wrist. He saw the shattered mirror and wondered if Dean had fell and hit is head, he scooted over closer to deans head and checked it over but it wasn't bleeding. He started to mentally check over the rest of deans body, he picked up deans wrist and checked his fists. He must have punched the mirror causing it to break, Seth grabbed two more bandages and wrapped both deans left and right fists.

Seth looked down at dean before standing and taking dean into his arms picking his unconscious body from the floor and placing him onto the bed. Seth led next to dean and placed two fingers on deans neck to make sure he wasn't dead, luckily Seth found a pulse but as he did so Dean turned his head over to see Seth led there next to him tears in his eyes. Dean shot up but fell back down soon after, he looked at Seth in guilt and anger but couldn't say anything. Seth knew. He knew what Dean had done. Seth moved closer to Dean and looked at him as dean sat sobbing on his hotel room floor. "Why?.." Seth asked voice cracking like he was about to cry. Dean didn't answer he just sobbed. Seth took his hand and placed it under deans chin and turned deans head to look at him. "Dean why?.." Seth asked again. Dean didn't pull away from Seth's touch. He didn't have the energy and it made him feel safe. Dean stared into the other man's eyes before a flood of tears streamed out. "I don't know okay, I don't know why I'm like this.." Dean was a mess. He knew why but after what Seth did to him and Roman he wasn't gonna tell him that easy.