Darling | Asadodam

gone

three times. it was three times for the record of asahi's breakups. those three consecutive period almost made asahi completely lost himself in the darkness. the three ex partners he was with, making him guilty everyday reminiscing the time spent. asahi kept wondering alone, analysing each and every move of 'what could be the factors that had been the cause of parting ways from him?'

"that'll be 20€. would you like to—" the cashier's voice decreases its volume in asahi's ear, assuming that's they are probably asking whether he will have a plastic bag. so he quickly shakes his head no, pays for the grocery and takes his leave. asahi huffs a shivering sigh as he meets with the cold wind when the sliding entrance door is open. he puts on his mittens and tightens his scarf bit before he reaches for a warm beverage in the paper bag. freshly done coffee.

least to say, asahi used to love winter. it was the time where he can skate his heart out on the frozen lake nearby his house. nothing matters to him when he was on the ice. the season which became his shelter during vulnerable times. but after introducing to way too many people– yes, three is considered 'many' in asahi's dictionary– he started to dislike winter with a passion. he hated that.

he trusted people too easily, he overshared too often, and he became way too comfortable with the wrong people. asahi just wanted someone who sends the same energy as he does, who will put as much as effort to the relationship as he did, who yearns his company as much as he does. was it difficult to ask?

everything that he introduced had already been associated with them, asahi was bad at detaching those figures out of his hobbies. because throughout the years, they had been the supportive care asahi had always dreamt of having. 

he didn't expect some would occupy the audience bench he reserved when his team played ice hockey. their expression being bored, not wanting to be there watching people run around on ice to score pucks and despite asahi knew how they felt, he was ever so grateful that his former partners still stayed until the end for the sake of being present. relationship was just a status, no matter how people see it. only asahi who acknowledge the real truth within those people. he was way too kind to understand and accept the background of intentions.

after a short walk back home, asahi stares at the front door momentarily, taking in the front view of his house he frequently enters. his gut has been having a funny feeling, but he dismissed it by convincing himself that he was just probably cold from outside. asahi puts his dark brown jacket to hang and slides off of his shoes to slippers. he brings the grocery bag to settle on the counter before he disappears to his back room, switching the room heat on.  

"moshi, moshi?" asahi was relieved when the other side of the phone caught on his following call. he just had finished shower when he opened to quite a bunch of missed notifications from an unsaved number. asahi didn't expect the familiar voice to be heard in such moment, not even in his wildest dreams. 

"hi asahi-hyung, it's been awhile.." he was so close to turn off his phone and delete, block or even destroy the device if he had to. anything to get away from the addictive voice that belonged to a person he once titled home. why is he calling now? asahi doesn't know nor does it really matter. their acquaintance card was revoked the moment he stepped out of the door on new year's eve.

asahi kept quiet, he wanted to see what the other will do, how he will drive the conversation and what tactic will he use to make him say something regarding  'them' as the topic. many questions started swarming in his head, making him slightly dizzy from the amount of neglect wonders he kept deep down in mind. it didn't help sound of inaudible rustles were the only source he heard on call.

"hamada-kun, open your window and meet us, please." another familiar desperate voice made his eyes wide open. why is he there too? but firstly, h-how did they get his exact home address after the uncounted times where he moved places. no, no, no. he won't let down his guard, won't blow his cover. 

not after the many years he spent in building his walls of barrier. asahi mute the call, and pries away from nearby windows. he left the area just like that. because if he were to close the curtains, they would know that he is present at home and that is dangerous for his well being. his life is physically threatened.

"sahi-hyung, we know you're in there. hiding won't do you no good, we need to talk it out." another familiar voice.. the least asahi wished to hear again. it held too many good memories to be left in hating. no, he can't do it.

"sahi-hyung, please." his last partner's soft caring voice was enough to make asahi go through a breakdown. he had been in denial, it was about damn time he face his suppression. asahi tossed away the phone from his hand, he could care less that it left a visible dent mark on the wall. his breathing was unstable  and his heart beats fastened. asahi refrained himself from breaking anything further. he made his way muttering affirmation and seek for the throne phone.