I threw a stone into a lake nearby; it was on a sunny afternoon at 1 o’clock in New York City. I looked up into the blue sky, hearing birds chirp. She looked back down, the sun shining onto the building that was about to change my career. I sighed, closed my eyes and remembered how when I was little how I’d always wanted to become a model. I remember telling my dad these exact words: “Daddy, when ti grow up imma bwe a Stwar!”
“I believe you honey, someday you will; never give up on your dreams” he would reply. I would always be wearing a tiara, and a princess dress running around the house pretending everything was a castle and royalty like. I opened my eyes, realizing that my dad was gone; forever, that he wouldn’t come back, and he had left me and mom. I also remember that I had, just about a week ago seen this ad for tryouts in a magazine when I was at my dentists’ appointment. I looked forward and took another deep breath, standing tall and proud, acting like I was all tuff; on the inside I am scared and I feel like nothing compared to the girls that were like real models, and I’m honestly not that pretty, I’d been picked on in school, and got called names because I wasn’t one of “the normal students.”
Ashley entered the building, but there was a long hall and she was bemused on where to go. A girl walked her way, she couldn’t have been older than 14; she had pretty blonde hair with black streaks in the inside of her hair, facing her neck. She was wearing a head band, and a soccer team uniform, and chewing gum like she was a champ or something, Ashley felt disgusted. She couldn’t tell what team the girl was from, she couldn’t think of any; so she just gave up and asked “excuse me, but where the room where modeling try outs are.”
“They’re right over there” the girl responded flecking gum in her mouth.
“Um, wait. Where?”
“Right over there, geez” The girl pointed to a wooden door with numbers 207. She chewed her gum louder.
“Ok, ok, god.” I responded in disturbance.
“Do you wanna fight or something? God! I told you where the stupid room was. NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY.” The girl pushed her making way for herself to get passed.
“EXCUSE YOU!” I screamed.
“Pffftt. Good bye” she said as she waved her hand still facing her way of her destination, ignoring my face.
**********
I entered the room 207 with fear as I turned the knob; shocked to see that it looked like any regular pageant waiting room. I laughed at myself, to myself. I stood there, in the door frame, seeing people stare at me for close to 2 seconds then looking away, hoping I was the person taking them to the tryouts or something. I took a look around at them before sitting down. I saw a little girl about 3 years of age with her older sister and her mom, a boy and her mom, another boy and his older brother and dad, and then just a mom. I had to think it was that girls’ mother who I’d bumped into earlier. The brat. I took a seat and flew my black and dark purple bleached handbag onto my lap in search for my iPod. Instead I ran into my drawing book and opened it, looking to see what I’d drawn over the past few months. I got it for Christmas and I only have about 5 or 6 pages left in it. I looked in it for inspiration, looking back in it to get ideas, maybe not fresh, but new to me. I closed it, placed it back into the bag and went searching for my iPod once again. I found it. I thought. I brought it out of my bag and put my ear-buds in my ears, and played Bring me the horizon, blessed with a curse.
The music rang in my ears with the lyrics:
“Ever since this began, I was blessed with a curse.
