Tales of the Heart

Chapter 8

"Dearest beloved Nandini,

I am writing this letter to you today with a restless mind, jittery heart. From a long time, my mind is filled with thousand of unanswered questions, various conflicts and hesitations that I've always tried to ignore. I've always tried away from them. Maybe I was not ready to face them or maybe I was too scared to face them.  

But I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of running away from my ownself. I don't have the strength to fight with myself anymore. I need some peace. My heart feels so heavy. 

Today I'm writing this to lighten my heart as I can't bear it anymore. 

Manik Malhotra... He thought he knew human phycology very well. After all, it's his favorite subject but today he realized how wrong he has been till now. Because I've never faced something so difficult. I failed to understand my own mind. I failed to understand my own heart. 

'Nandini' 

Does it look like a simple name? It can be for others but not for me. 

Whenever I hear or think of this name, the first thing that floats in front of my eyes is a scene carefully kept in the sweet box of my memory lane. I remember of a cute baby girl with big doe eyes which held nothing but innocence in them, running around wearing a red frock. Anyone can fall in love with her just by looking at her face once, if you talk to her once, you would want to be her friends and you won't have any other way to go away from her.  

I felt a strange pull towards the girl, a strange connection that I never had with anyone else. 

Nandini, you've been very calm and composed since you were a kid, I've never heard you raising your voice in front of anyone no matter what the situation is. That doesn't mean you're weak. You are the flame of tenderness. You've no idea how many times you've surprised me with your aura. 

Every time I thought I knew you, I understood you, you surprised me in some other way proving me wrong. Sometimes you were calm, gentle, intelligent, affectionately beautiful, again sometimes you were intense, rebellious, arrogant and terrible. I don't know which one is real you but I like every shade of you. Every glance of you charm me.

Nandini, do you remember of the next day after the result of my board exam? Everyone was happy seeing my  result. Actually, no one thought that I'll be able to cope with everything happening at that time and do well in the exam. But amidst of so much joy of the day, I was feeling alone. I couldn't accept dad being disappeared till then. I came to my room alone, avoiding everyone's eyes to shed tears secretly. No one noticed me that day, but you did. You came behind me to comfort me. You had told me,

"Don't worry at all, Manik. We all will help you to find uncle. I promise. You will never have to suffer alone."

You kept your promise, Nandini. You helped me to find dad. 

That day, in that moment, you had grown up in my eyes from that baby girl. I couldn't even imagine a thirteen year old girl who had never faced any difficulty in her life would understand my pain and try to comfort me in everyone's absence. I had never thought that you would stand by my side and take care of me. 

You've kept all your words, Nandini. You were by my side in every difficult moment of my life protecting me from everything. You gave me courage. You were always perfect on your part. Whenever you saw me in any trouble, you rushed to me forgetting everything to console me. Where did you get this quality from? How do you manage to enter everyone's heart and get them rid of all the hidden pains, sufferings and agonies. How do you do this, Nandini?

My 21st birthday. One of the most memorable days of my life. That was the day, on that day I felt my life was about to change. A big change is going to happen in my life but I didn't have the idea that the change would be you. This confused soul couldn't even think that. Because I had never thought that a puzzled person like me deserves someone so pure and precious like you in his life. I couldn't sleep at all that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I only got your flashes and nothing else. 

Your calm, beautiful eyes, a glimpse of which brings rain to my drought life. Although I didn't feel anything else that day but I understood one thing, you have become an integral part of my life, without my knowledge. From then on I started to see you in a new way, in a new gleam. Suddenly everything about you started fascinating me for some unknown reason, I started noticing every little details about you and that deep look in your eyes towards me once was enough to keep me awake whole night.

You know the first time when you had gone to that bar even though you were underage without informing anything to anyone just because of that person, you had no idea how angry I was on you. Maybe there was a lot of distress and fear hidden behind the anger of that day. You know how scared I am to lose someone close. I don't know when you became so important to me and when or how even your little ignorance started hurting me.

Last one month, this whole month when you were ignoring me, trying to go away from me a bit by bit, you don't know how much it was hurting me. Every single day I questioned myself why, why are you doing this to me? Why does it bother me so much if you try to get away from me? But I never got the answer. That's why I kept hurting you again and again unknowingly. Because your ignorance was hurting me, it was killing me from inside. Maybe that's why when I couldn't bear this pain anymore,  became desperate and hurt you more to know what's there in your mind.

Your confession has led me astray, Nandini. It would be a lie to say that this possibility never arose in the depths of the mind but I never imagined that this would be true. Because I never knew I deserve you. A girl like you should have someone who will keep you folding in the cover of joy. But these words of yours have given me a strange peace, a strange joy which I don't know why. With your confession, a new question raised in my mind 'Do I also feel for you?'

If you want to know the truth, then I will say that I don't have the answer yet. All I want to say what if we don't bind our relationship with a specific name? Because if you try to name the relationship between you and me, the beauty and depth of the relationship will be ruined. Because whatever is there between us is very precious to me. I never want to lose you. I myself don't know how important you are to me.

None of us understand these beautiful feelings of us at this moment, the day I will understand everything, I'll hand over this letter to you and share everything with you. Until then, let something pages be empty which will be covered with something beautiful in future hopefully because wherever you are, it has to be beautiful.

Love

Manik"

Nandini was completely lost in the words of Manik's letter. She didn't even notice when a few drops of tear slipped from her eyes. She was still lost in the daze of the letter. She didn't want to come out of this daze ever. She felt all the anger and agony which had been lingering in her mind suddenly disappeared. This little confession from Manik was enough to clear all the cloud of confusion from her mind. 

She felt Avneet was right that she should not hurry. She should go with the flow and give each other sometime to realize and absorb everything. When the time is right, everything will fall back to it's place till then it's better to keep some pages empty. 

Nandini came out of her chain of thoughts hearing Neelima calling her from hall.

"Nandini, where are you? Everyone is here."

She was startled at first with the sudden voice. 

"Coming." Nandini gulped. She wiped away the tears from her eyes hurriedly and set the table. She decided in her mind, she won't try to run away or ignore Manik anymore. Now it's time to fix everything. 

So, Manik's feelings are finally out. Now wait for the next step. Till then do vote and comment.

09.02.2023