Rosie's Book

4

"Nature is a wonderful healer, don't you think Rosie?." This is Antonia's way to have me look deep into nature and learn how nature is able to heal not only our bodies but our souls too. It wasn't a surprise to her when I came out of the closet, a closet I was not aware I was in I will add. My closet isn't a closet where my sexuality had been hiding, this closet we have decided to call the 'Magical Hidey Hole'.

When my grandmother died, we remained in London for an extra week or so. That period of my life is still a blur on certain details, but when we came home to New Orleans, our bodies began to change and over a small period of time some truths came to light.

Antonia is helping to release the tension she is sensing by keeping our conversation to light subjects such as the nature around us. However while we are sat on the grass in Jackson square, with her voice adding a soundtrack, my thoughts return to the past.

Jackson and I enter the garden, the Huskies are sat on the patio with their noses flaring. As soon as they smell us they howl a greeting but it isn't as welcoming as the ones we usually receive. There is a sadness, a foreboding in their welcome which sends a shiver through my blood. Looking up to Jackson he stands still, looks around, rests his hands on my shoulder before leaning down to whisper in my ear. "Use your sight and hearing, scan the grounds, something is off sis." Doing as he asks, my eyes scan the grounds, ears focus on any sounds that should not be here, but I already know it is of no use, the Huskies would have attacked anyone who shouldn't be here. Knowing Jackson is using me as a second opinion, I shake my head indicating there is nothing or no one here. Nodding his head he walks around to the front of the house while I walk past the Huskies and enter the house through the French doors. Taking my shoes off carefully, not wanting to warn anyone with my heavy footed approach, my body keeps to the shadows. The smell in the air is like nothing I have smelled before. Jackson and I meet at the bottom of the staircase ,we look at each other, draw in a breath then go upstairs, taking two steps at a time. Following behind him on this set of stairs reminds me of the last time we climbed these stairs. Foreboding hits me. "Nanny." I whisper to Jackson.

No sooner have I said her name that I hear her whisper our names. "Be kind to all, look after your sister my son." Then a breeze blows through the house just before we enter her bedroom and find her sleeping on her bed.

Tiptoeing into the bedroom, my feet sinking into the deep carpet, it is obvious to the both of us that nanny is not sleeping, yet neither of us want to be the one to say the words we are both dreading. Climbing up onto her bed, my body crawls over to her, she has positioned herself in the centre of the bed, my body curls up next to hers, resting my head on her shoulder with my lips kissing her neck. Jackson shadows my move on the other side of the bed, we both lay there with our hands resting over hers while we breathe in her scent, knowing we are never going to smell it again.

The spark that follows could be described as surprising, but it wasn't, it was familiar and comforting. Moving my fingers against Jackie's,( a childhood nickname for my brother),whilst at the same brushing my fingers against the back of my nanny's hand, I watch the spark grow, then divide and run along our fingers. The spark seems to grow the further it travels up our arms into our shoulders then down our bodies until every inch of our individual bodies has been touched by this spark. I am unsure what Jackson is feeling, but I am feeling love, truth, warmth and forgiveness, but most of all I am feeling acceptance. Moving my hand before my face, my eyes focus on the palm of my hand as it glows, then an insignia forms . The insignia is slow to appear as if someone is drawing it on my hand before my eyes. There is no pain, just warmth as if someone is blowing hot air onto my palm. My body tingles that familiar tingle I used to feel when Nanny repeated my name three times, warning me I was in trouble. Only this time the tingle feels like a hug and a kiss, a goodbye hug and kiss.