The new witch (Twilight fic)

Chapter 17

Rachael's PoV
  i had finally decided to leave the hospital. Edward and Charlie had no intention of leaving any soon and someone had to go and pack are things.but what was the point in packing all i brought was witch supplies.it's not like i can bring them back home.i'd imagine my father has already started burning the supplies i left. everything grams left would be gone. but how could i be saddened. being a witch  has brought me nothing but pain. the constant headaches, nose bleeds, nightmares. i'm torn on what to do. do i spit of my ancestors by giving up all this craziness and danger or do i stay on the path i'm on and be safe and normal.
"would you like me to wait in the lobby while you pack" carlisle said breaking the silence. "yes i only unpacked a few things so i won't be long." i sighed. i slowly walked into the hotel bedroom. i stood there joylessly staring at everything. all the books ill never get to read,the history and parts of myself that will always remain in the dark.i began to roughly shove everything in the bag.i then being to second think everything again. i can't possibly let this go this was important to grams and i can't just ignore this part of who i am.i was brought out of my trace by a gentle knock on the door. "hello" Jasper spoke nervously entering the room. "hey are you ok." i said pulling him into a hug.  Jasper instantly stiffened up but held me close. "i'd imagine the fight must of been a lot" i murmured into his shoulder. Jasper detached from the hug. his face was calm but had light elements of sadness. "i'll be ok. i know it had to be done but it wasn't easy feeling everything that the track felt" he said with a forced smile. "i couldn't imagine him to feel anything but darkness" i said in slight distrust thinking of the vampire. " i felt fear.he knew it was finally over.but worst of all i could feel his longing for his lover from never being able to see his mate again. never getting a chance to say i love you one last time" i could hear the sympathy in Jasper tone. "i didn't realise someone like him could be so sentimental" i said a little confused that someone like him was even capable of love. "of course when your immortal loving someone is different.they become everything. they are the only thing that makes living forever have meaning.losing them bring a loneliness that could last forever" Jasper said softly. i could tell he was now referring to himself and Alice. i reached over a gently squeezed his had. "i can't begin to even try and understand something like that but you don't know if there might be another true love around the corner" i said.jasper just let out a dry laugh before speaking. "Rachael that's not that simple for my kind."
"maybe but there are other forms of love to make life less lonely.like family and friends.but i think you know that i saw it" i explained. jasper pinched his brows in confusion. "saw what."
"when we did that spell and i was channeling you i looked at you soul i think and memories-" i began before jasper cut me off. "i'm sorry i couldn't imagine the monstrous you u must of witnessed. i'd imagine that makes you fear of me grow. i understand if you never want to see me again" he said sadly
"i did see some awful things and i'm not excusing them.but i did see good things and i felt the light parts of your soul.Jasper you mean a lot to me i don't want you to go." i said softly. Jasper gazed at me intensely before smiling. "what" i questioned. "it's just ironic.i was drawn to you by your light and now your drawn to me by the dilution that i have light" he looked away in shame. "Jasper you do.i was dumb not to see it before but i do now" i said pulling his face forcing him to look at me. "then why did i attack you" he said coldly. thinking back to that night sent a shiver down my spine.
i didn't know how to respond.
i looked into his black eyes for answers. his face began to morph from blank to sad. he immediately stood up to leave. "wait don't go Jasper please" i said grabbing his hand. he just looked at me apologetically. "Jasper i'm not going to pretend i'm not still frightened from that night. but i know you wouldn't of done that if you could of controlled yourself."he swiftly snatched his hand. "it's not just the control it everything. see i said the light is what drew me to you but that's just the lie i'm telling myself. it's the hunter instincts was just hunting it's prey" hearing Jasper speak like that almost brought back a familiar fear i tried to shake off. "but you feel guilty if you was a monster you would of killed me by now." i said calmly. "why do you keep defending me" jasper said yelling. "i'm not i'm just trying to help you. i can see you want to be better, i can see you want to be good" i softly spoke. "Rachael i have been this way for over a hundred years if you think some school girl is going to fix it then your more juvenile then i thought" he said in anger. "i'm not trying to be juvenile i just don't want you to feel alone" i said. he just took a deep breath to calm himself. "Jasper i don't want to fight that's all we have done since we met" i said. "i know i just don't want to hurt you" he said worried. "you want i promise" i said hugging him. "you can't promise that. i can't even promise that" he whispered sadly. the room turned quite.nether of us knew what to say.we just stud there try to find comfort in each other's arms.