I stare at Matthew, dumbfounded that he believes that there is no good in him. How could he think that? I mean yeah, his morals are a little screwed up and I definitely hated him when I first met him but after getting to know him just a little bit more? I know there is good in him. He just needs a little help with showing it.
"You are a good person Matt." I state. He lets out a small laugh, and walks over to his bedside table. He pulls out a big black box, and shows it to me. "This is where I keep all my weed and illegal drugs", He says, then holds up a pill bottle. "And this? This is my anxiety and bipolar medication that I don't take half the time because I'm a piece of shit", He then walks across the room, and pulls the dresser away from the wall, revealing two fist sized holes. "That was when I didn't take my meds for two weeks", He informs me. "Oh and then there's this-" He opens his closet, pulling out a guitar that looks like it's been beaten on and smashed into the ground several times.
I get it now.. the anger.. the mood swings.. his entire personality. It's because he's bipolar. All this time, he's hasn't been an asshole he just hasn't had much control. "So no, I'm not a good guy. This is why you don't know me, because this shit? This is me." I give him a small smile, shaking my head. "Did you think that was going to send me running for the hills?", I ask.
"It should." He says. "Matt, I get you now", I say. "Don't you understand.. all of this- it doesn't make you a bad person. You don't have to hide it.. not from me", His face goes soft, looking like he's trying to wrap his brain around the fact that I'm even standing here still.
I'm almost positive he's never opened up like this before. I'm glad he did with me I walk closer to him, and pull him into my arms. The once tough and independent boy fades, and he rests his head down on my shoulder and wraps his arms around me. He needs this. He needs someone to just be here for him, sit with him, and support him. He tried so hard to push me away, as I assume he does with everyone. I'm not easily frightened though. He can't scare me off.
"Cmon let's sit down." I say. I pull him over to the bed, and he sits next to me, obviously kind of out of it because his emotions are taking over. I look over to the other side of the bed, seeing the pill bottle sitting there. "Did you take your pill today?", I ask quietly. "No.." he answers. I reach over, grabbing the bottle and then grab the bottle of water off his bedside stand. "Please.. take it." I say. He does as asked, taking the pills. I can understand why he wouldn't want to take them. My little sister has anxiety as well but refuses any medication.
It makes them feel weak.. they don't want to have to take a pill to be okay, but sometimes it's necessary. "I want to help you, Matthew",I say. "I don't think you can.." he sighs. "Can I at least try?" I ask. He doesn't give me a verbal answer, but instead just nods. I'm not sure what made him suddenly comfortable with me to where he shared such an intimate detail about himself, but I'm glad he did. Matt needs someone in his corner. I sat with him until he fell asleep. The medication must make him drowsy, or he was exhausted from everything that happened.
Poor boy.
I walk out into the living area, where Nick is waiting for me. I had texted him that something happened and Matt needed me to stay with him for a little bit, so he's a little worried. "What happened?" He asks. "Well, I'm assuming you know about the bipolar issues", I start. "He told you?" He asks in complete shock. "Yeah.." I nod. "Seemed really upset so I stayed with him and made him take his pill-"
"Hold on." He stops me in the middle of my sentence. "You got him to take his pills?" "Yeah.. why?" I ask. "No one can make him take his meds.. ever. We tried for years and he always refuses no matter how bad it gets", He explains. Why would he refuse so much? But more importantly, how did I manage to get him to take them? Nick stands and stares, still in shock by the situation. "I'm just so surprised.." he mumbles. "Me too.."
I get ready to go to church for the first time in weeks. It's been difficult to go when I have so much school work. I also can slightly blame the boys for that because I will hang out with them every night and then have to bust it all out on Saturday and Sunday. I keep looking at my phone, hoping that Matthew will text me when he wakes up. I want to know that everything is okay between us, and that he's not suddenly going to regret telling me everything.
I put on my favorite black dress with a cardigan over the top since it's pretty cold outside.
⬇️⬇️
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I'm running a bit late, which means I'll have to drive myself so I grab my keys, and head out. The one thing I'm super nervous for is this will be my first time having to sit through church without Fred by my side, but instead across the room. Today will be the day everyone finds out that we broke up and honestly I really don't want to deal with all the questions that I know will come from it. I get to the building, and go inside. Instantly I'm greeted by everyone saying they missed me and are happy I'm here.
My eyes connect with Fred's, who's sitting towards the front with a couple friends. I quickly look away, and find my seat next to Bree. "I hate Fred." She mutters and my eyes widen. "What? Why?" I ask. "He refused to talk to me now. He's not nice anymore." She says. I frown, feeling bad for my little sister. She absolutely adores Fred, they were best friends, and now he's going to act like he barely knows her? What a jerk. "Don't you worry about him Bree. He's not worth it, for either of us." I say.
"Is it true that he got beat up?" She questions. "Rumors have been going around the church but I don't know if it's true or not." I laugh to myself, replaying the moment in my head were Matthew punched him and knocked him to the ground. "Yes it's true. I actually got to see it happen." I say and her mouth drops. "Who did it?!" She asks. "Well... I don't know if I should tell you." I mutter. "Please tell me!", she says "All right... It was Matt. Remember the guy who was at your school dropping off his little brother?" I say. Her hand goes over her mouth as she giggles to herself. "I think I might like him now." She smiles. "Yeah. I like him too", I say.
