My Legacy

Chapter 2: A Broken Heart Mended... A Little

I narrowed my eyes. It’s been about two years since I was born. Lilia seems to be a little kinder to me than she was with the other Rudeus. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m not pedo pervert. I thought with a wry smile. Although my mother and Lilith both seem kind of off-put by the looks I give them. 

Hm… No matter how hard I try, it seems like I’m still stuck feeling quite a bit more wrath for most women than I do for men. I looked down at my palms, a floating orb of water calmly hovering above my palm. I dispelled the water orb, something that not even the original Rudeus could do at first. I really need to find a way to let go of all this hatred I have for women in general. After all, just because a majority of the ones I know are horrible, doesn't mean I haven't met quite a few good ones. My aunt Teressa and my friend Kareem are both excellent examples of good, nice, actually caring women. Although the funny thing is they are both lesbians… does that just mean I hate or I’m scared of straight women then? 

As I pondered over a way to try to fix my issue with the opposite gender, my mother came into the room I was in. I was in Paul’s, my father’s, study room where there were five books.

Little side note here, the truth of the matter is… bit by bit, I was receiving the knowledge that the other Rudeus had once held. All of the knowledge from his life as a NEET and his first twenty years of life here in this world. So I now knew instinctively how to use and manipulate my mana without incantations. 

I froze. I don’t know what to say. I can tell she’s somewhat uncomfortable under my gaze. Her own son’s gaze scares her. Shit. What the hell is wrong with me? 

She averts her gaze and sighs, “Have I done something wrong to you, Rudy?” She asked.

Have you done anything wrong? Not besides being a- stop. Shit. I hate myself for even remotely thinking like that. “No… I don’t think so.” I respond flatly. I don’t know what to say besides answering her question…

I’ve never truly gotten along with anyone except Kareem, my best friend of four years at the time of my death. Near the latter years of my life I had grown increasingly kinder to the creatures (not humans) around me. Kareem is by far the major contributor to my mood change and outlook to this horrendous, awful, world. But now… what do I do?

Zenith smiles lightly, awkwardly, and then looks at me. I immediately look away. I can tell her eyes are narrowed now. She walked up to me and, out of the corners of my eyes, I saw her arms move. 

I immediately jump back, arms up, and violently shiver. I flinched. My eyes are closed. My body is shivering. I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Flashes to my past come back to me as I’m reminded of the abuse my mother brought upon me. 

My mother, especially in her earlier years, loved to abuse power, be lazy, and smoke and drink. But for a mother, who dropped out of her Sophomore year in high school, with all of those qualities? It made for quite the terrifying experience. Yelling, hitting, even laughing at me when I got hurt. She made fun of me, pushed any potential friends I was making away so I couldn’t realize the gravity of the situation.

In the end, every woman is the same. Since they didn’t have power in the beginning, they’ll use it against their partners or children. The thing is, society, that if you keep someone at the bottom and treat them like crap for generations, then suddenly give them power and deadly weapons, they’ll strike back against anything that they perceive, is, or was above them and strike back even harder when those are underneath them now. To show them the suffering they had to go through.

I wait for a few seconds… then a gentle, and soft, hand lands on my shoulder. My body trembles. “D-don’t hurt me… p-please…” Tears are freely falling.