Talk British To Me (On Hold)

Chapter Four

Tomorrow is Sunday, and I've never been so nervous and anxious to see a man before. A man whom I've never seen. A man whose voice haunts my sleep and my dreams. What if he turns out to be the blonde stranger that gave me a ride? My instincts are never wrong. 

  I open my eyes and reach for my phone. It's 10:am and I haven't stepped out of my room. I called Anna as soon as I showered yesterday and told her I was okay. She scolded me and yelled countless times like my older sister and told me never to enter a stranger's car. As if it was my fault. She wasn't around when I needed her. What was I supposed to do, spend the night in a stranger's house, not just any stranger, I even had sex with this said stranger. 

  I groan when I thought about last night's sex with Josh. He was good, and he knows what he was doing when we were fucking. And his sexy voice and British accent whispered so many dirty things in my ear when we had sex. Now I'm thinking about him again. I shouldn't. It's a one night stand and it should stay a one night stand. I can't be crushing on a priest and wishing to have Josh's dick for the second time. I don't sleep with a one night stand twice. The other time I tried it, it ended badly. The guy grew attached and wanted to fight off every one of my boyfriends. 

  And also isn't this unholy and bad to want a priest of God. I may not be religious but I know it isn't right. Wanting a priest who's sworn celibacy to the church and God. I can't compete with God for a man. This is bad. Why do I always make bad decisions?

  I sigh and shut my eyes. Whatever this is, it needs to stop. Lusting over a priest that I've never seen is so strange and weird and so not me. But why do I want to see him so badly? Maybe if I see him tomorrow at church, he may even turn out ugly or too old and that interest will definitely fade away. It sure will. Because this is madness and I can't let it escalate into something that I can't control. In the meantime, I should think about my new job on Monday.

   I've always wanted to work in business departments in big companies in New York, but then I ruined everything with my bad choice of thinking. I'm in London and I have to do better and that's by staying away from that imaginary priest down the street and getting him out of my head. But I still need to worship tomorrow though—not because I want to see the priest—well partially because I want to see the man behind that beautiful British accent in that confessional that day, at least to confirm to myself that he's not that hot, I was just being overdramatic. And also I wanted to pour my heart to God because I'm messed up and fucked up to the extent of making terrible decisions without even being remorseful. 

  I sigh. I'm thinking too much. My phone buzzes with a text message notification. I unlock the screen and it's a message from an unsaved number. 

UNSAVED NUMBER: HEY CARTER, IT'S ME JOSH. SORRY I TOOK YOUR NUMBER FROM ANNA AND TEXTED YOU. MAYBE THAT WAS A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATE, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY. PLEASE CALL ME. 

   Why do I have to call him? Nobody texts their one night-stands. But what if he doesn't want a one night stand with me. Then I have to warn him beforehand we can't be anything more. We had a good sex and that was it even if he was hella hot. Damn it. 

  I dial his number and let it ring. He picked up in an instance. 

" Carter?" Josh's deep voice comes through. Fuck. 

" Uh, hey Josh. What's up?"

" I'm good. Are you still in bed?"

" Yeah. Just tired." I palm my forehead and run my fingertips on my hairline. 

" I hope I'm not the cause." 

" Oh, no not really." Well half of it, yes. But I can't tell him that, he'll feel bad. " I'm just tired. It's been a long I partied that hard."