Crash! Boom! Bang!

Beginning

Alec was frustrated. This day was a really bad one, it seemed as if nothing could go as planned. Not only did he once again hit a dead end on the case he was working on, but after a quick glance outside the window, he realized it was pouring down. Great. Alec pressed his fingers to his temples, trying to fight the pending headache and sighed. The precinct was pretty quiet, and a look at his phone told him that it was just past 1 AM and his shift had already ended. Perhaps it was time to call it a day, he wouldn't get any more work done anyway.

He looked over at the neighboring desk and saw that his partner had fallen asleep with his head on a stack of files. It was at moments like these, that Alec allowed himself to study him more thoroughly than he ever dared when he was awake. He smiled fondly at his partner, whose cheek was flat to the file he had been working on, mouth slightly open with little snores coming out and the golden hair messy with a small strand of it falling over his eyes. He most certainly did not look like the greek god he claimed himself to be. Alec looked at him and chuckled inwardly, and was thinking of taking a picture just to be able to mock him later. When it came to Jace, one could never have enough leverage.

Jace was not only his partner but also his brother and best friend. They weren't brothers by blood, Jace had been adopted by Alec's parents when Alec was 11 years old. Alec let himself walk down memory lane and remembered how sceptical he had been when he first found out about the adoption. He didn't really like new people and Jace was just 2 years younger than him. Jace, on the other hand, was already a typical outgoing person. His mission from the very first day had been to befriend the grumpy oldest child. Even back then, they had been the complete opposite of each other, and they still were; in more ways than Alec liked to acknowledge. Then again, their differing personalities were the reason they got along so well.

There was one thing between them that Alec hadn't shared with Jace or with anyone else for that matter. Nobody knew anything. Alec had never officially come out, although he had a feeling that Izzy knew. No one had asked him about his sexual preferences and it just never seemed like the right time to talk about it. One does neither just blurt it out in a regular conversation, nor shout it from the rooftops. He thought he actually didn't have any reason to either since Alec had made peace with the unrequited attraction he felt. He had tried to move on, meeting random guys in various locations. Disappointingly enough, and probably because his heart wasn't in it, he never allowed it to go further than second base. Somewhere along the road he gave up and buried himself in work, the only place he felt that he was in control and could actually make a difference.

Alec stole yet another glance of Jace before he took one of his notes that he had crumpled into a ball and threw it at Jace's head. He sat up with a jerk and, for a moment, he looked disoriented. "Hey, sleeping beauty, I'm going home," Alec said. "Do you want a ride or do you want to continue drooling all over your files?"

"As if I'm drooling, and FYI I wasn't sleeping, I was just resting my eyes." Jace snorted and Alec rolled his eyes.

"Of course you were," he said sarcastically. "So what's it gonna be?" Jace didn't hesitate and grabbed his jacket from the chair and ran for the door.

"First there gets to drive," Jace said over his shoulder as he disappeared through the door. Holding the car key in his hand, Alec had no intention to give it to Jace or to run after him. He took one last look at the casefile before he closed it. He had a bad feeling about this case, and he wouldn't have gotten this far so fast in his career without his gut feeling. He sighed and grabbed his jacket before he followed Jace through the door.

---

Alec unlocked the front door to his apartment and went inside. His clothes were a little wet from the rain and he shivered slightly. Alec put his gun and badge on the coffee table before he went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. Whilst drinking, he got lost in his thoughts again. There was something about watching the rain pour down against the window that made it impossible for him to keep repressing his feelings. It was almost as if they kept pouring out of him like the rain outside. Alec didn't want to think about feelings, he used to pride himself that he's always in control of them. He heard his father's voice in his head, Emotions are nothing but distractions. That's what he's been taught since birth. Tonight though, on this particularly bad day, he just couldn't keep the lid on. There, deep down in his heart, he felt it. The loneliness, the sadness, the guilt, and the fear.