happier than ever

i knew when i asked you to be cool v.2.

Another scene flashed past his mind as the sun burned the edges of his retinas, and Wei Wuxian stared out of the window wistfully. Jiang Cheng was there again, only this time, the shuddering image of Nie Huaisang was beside him, his figure trembling with fear. But there was a sly gaze to his eyes, one that terrified and thrilled Wei Wuxian, the same thing that brought him to the infamous 'Head-Shaker' in the first place.

"It's not fair, Wei Wuxian! You can't blame me for this! Amethyst eyes flashed in fury as a torrent of cruel words lashed past his lips, each of them more vicious than the last. 'And it wasn't even my fault.' No, he was yelling at Wei Wuxian for something Jiang Fengmian did in telling his dear sworn brother to screw off, in telling everyone he'd had a crush on Lan Wangji, despite knowing how much it meant to Wei Wuxian that it'd be kept secret. 'You knew,' he wanted to say, but the words stayed lodged in his throat, even as time passed, the vision of his brother only growing clearer as it passed. 'You didn't listen.' As Jiang Cheng went on and on, a splitting headache hit Wei Wuxian, causing him to flinch. His best friend paused momentarily, before cackling and relaunching into his tirade of 'self-defense' which was more of 'offense' by now. The words grew harsher and harsher, every line scalding Wei Wuxian's soul, his heart. If words could hurt, his paperwhite skin would be covered with scars by now, with open wounds that cleaved him open. Wounds that promised to shatter him, to ruin him and destroy him, if there was no one to heal him and save him.

"You're nothing," Jiang Wanyin spat, his eyes aflame with fury. "You're nothing but a little orphan who act like a bitch because-"

Slap. The sound seemed to reverberate across the room, leaving nothing but a heavy weight on the room. Wanyin stumbled over his feet, clutching on tightly to the side of his cheek as he glared up at his sworn brother, blood spilling out of his mouth. He glared up at him, delivering the last part of his lines. "Because they didn't teach you well."

Fury bubbled inside Wei Wuxian, and adrenaline shot through his veins. He shot daggers at his dear brother, his muscles growing tighter as his fingers curled around the hilt of his hidden sword, the temperature in the room beginning to rise. "Watch what you're saying, Jiang Wanyin." His voice was like weak acid, the kind that would set someone burning for hours, in stunning decomposition.

"You can say what you like about me, but I will not tolerate you speaking of my PARENTS THAT WAY!"

A macabre smile crept over his lips, sinking into his face as his eyes glittered with morbid delight, his fingers curling around the hilt of his sword, brushing against the familiar texture of onion skin. "Don't forget, Jiang Wanyin. Who's the one who's truly in the wrong. And who's the one in full power."

Flames crackled beneath his fingertips, which were barely grazing the hilt of Wei Wuxian's sword, though any fool could tell he didn't need it to cause crucial damage. The cutting animosity, or rather the lack of it filled the air with heavy glares, as if thunderstorms looked over their heads. Wei Wuxian's mouth was still twisted into a cruel smile, greyish blue particles swarming at his feet. 'Kill him,' a voice whispered, 'take him and torture him. We'll give him the most exquisite plan,' the grin on his face widened. 'All we need is for you to immobilise him.' The flames at his fingertips crackled, as did the energy surrounding him, but something else surged up. Shadows started swarming behind him, though they were almost invisible to Jiang Wanyin. It wouldn't take too long, though. For him to notice, not with the talismans he had used to conceal his power. At least, not at this level. The voices started whispering again, and just as pain shot through his head, his friend opened his mouth, still furious, hands clenched in a fist he lunged forward...

Only to be stopped by a dainty hand.

"A- Cheng. A-Xian." Jiang Yanli stepped between the two 'adopted' brothers, putting a hand between them. She glared at both of them, her typically gentle expression now stern. Her hazel eyes carried a certain brevity, a weight to them that resembled her mother's so much that it almost terrified Wei Ying. 'You look too much like her,' he wanted to say. But the words stayed wasted on his lips, contained. But he could only watch on as his only mother figure now turned into the figure he hated the most, the gentleness in her eyes replaced by a harshness and weariness he could no longer recognise. She didn't put her hair up in buns now, he realised. Instead, her hair was primly plaited back, and a gilt ring circled her ring finger, adorned with two gemstones. An amethyst for her, and an emerald for the Peacock. 'As expected of the illustrious' Jin Clan, he thought, distracted. But his heart hurt, looking at her turn into a stranger to him.

Just like her brother has been.

In the end, there had been nothing he could do except be forced to apologize, kowtowing to Jiang Wanyin at the request of Yu Ziyuan. And if that didn't hurt, it did watching his sister grow further and further from him. But the words from the Purple Spider started to embed themselves in his mind. You are nothing. You are worthless.

You deserve everything that's happening to you.

We've given you so much, and you have to repay us.

At least he still had Lan Zhan. Even though he'd never told him the full story, the older man knew enough to comfort him. Oddly enough, he felt safe in his arms, and an inexplicable feeling of warmth bubbled within him whenever he stepped close, the way he whispered lovingly in his ear. The warmth of his breath on the side of his neck.

You are loved

You are adored.

You are worth it.

So if you really want to know.

When I'm away from you, I'm happier than ever. Wish I could explain it better.

I wish it wasn't true.