LOVE AND DISASTER

HOW IT FEELS

It feels like mount everest
isn't as high as this
it feels like no ocean is deeper
no slope is steeper
it feels like no dream
is bigger
than dreaming about you..

It feels like
if you weren't created
I wouldn't feel right
it feels like I've known you
my whole life.
it feels like
I could feel you all night
just to know what you're like
and which parts you like

it feels like I owe you
a rib
a kidney, my heart.
infact
why don't you just
take all of me .

I feel like I won't ever love
but it feels like I love you
and now I feel dazed.
I feel like I'm tired of feeling
I want to have
more than a feeling
and that is how you make me feel.

it feels like
the best feeling has nothing on you
because you make me numb
and I can't imagine ever having feelings
if not for you...

OLD HABITS

Hear the voices
of a broken mind
too many whispers
of suffering
and cries no one hears
because no one will listen..

in her mind,
the war won't end
it rages on
and her peace is in a distance
but she won't reach
because she gave her courage
to a man she had loved..

All the arrows are aimed
at her already broken heart
but she won't move
from where he left her.
she holds on to what is gone
so she won't forget it.

like a masochist
she enjoys the pain
or maybe she just got
used to it.
Even when she could change
she remains unchanged,
untethered
and it's strange..

He ruined her dreams
but the reality is,
loving him became a habit
and now she's stack
with routine.

PLEASE

It's not you,
it's me.
A pharse ever so vague
until you explained
what you meant.

" You are such a wonderful person,
anyone would be blessed to have you.
You mean so much to me,
I wish I could mean more to us
than I do
but it's not what I want
and you're all I've wanted from since
I could remember but now I need something
new, something away from you

believe me when I say I love you,
I just don't know what I mean anymore
please forgive me for times wasted
and memories created
because I know those last
but I hope you forget them
because eternity isn't achievable for us.

please accept my thoughts
and appreciation,
although it's not the love you want
you still have my affection
and I hope that will suffice someday.

please understand
for I don't
but we both can't be confused
I'm only certain that
I'm craving a metamorphosis
but the rest is a blur
I don't know what will come
after us
I guess it's me
alone with you gone.
I don't know about that
but I want to experience it
maybe then I'll know
what you meant to me.

but for now

let me go,
please."

DON'T WANT TO WANT YOU

Its evident that you're using me
but
you look eligent
when you're dressed for me
and I don't mind ignoring
what I don't want
your flaws
only make you beautiful
and I'm taken
to the point of no return..

I hate it when you lie
but I love you're eloquence
hearing you speak
is like smelling a sweet fragrance
even when you digress everytime
I ask for the truth
and truth is, I already know
but I can't let go...

I don't want to want you
but I do
and the more I fight you
the more I lose
it seems I'm fighting myself at times..

I want you
when I shouldn't
but I have to
like I need it
you make sense
whenever I'm jaded
and that's  always
so you're my escape
from boredom
I guess I'm using you too..