BRAD

Chapter 1

 *AMY'S POV*

Sitting in an empty room, my room of lameness, loneliness. Door locked. I’m sitting all alone, left behind. People called me, Loser. Loser Amy. Amy, I’m just another 16 years old girl.

Who needs attention, just same like the others. I’ve tried hard to talk to them, to join their group, to laugh and live, to have fun like the others did. I’ve try to gain the guts before I moved, I’ve think hard the way to be the same like them.

I’m worthless. Useless. I’m such a joke. People tend to laugh at me, at everything I did. How I walk, how I speak, how I look, how I dress up every day. Can you imagine how I face that every day? Imagine being called a ‘faggot’ at most of the time. Imagine people whispering ‘loser’ next to your ear when they bumped into you.

I just can’t get rid of these words on my mind ‘I wish I’d never born. I wish... I should just die, and end it all.’ These words were running through my mind every night.

And tonight, I’ve made the decision. It might be bad to all of you, to everyone. For the third time in the past hour, I’ve been doing the same thing. With a pen in my hand, and a blank piece of paper in front of me. My hands are shaking, and the tears begin again.

I’m screwed up, messed up. I look terrible right now. ‘To My Family.’ I wrote it on top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin my letter, my Suicide Letter. I try again, again and again. But still, I don’t know how to begin it.

No one understands me. No one knows what I’ve went through. I’m a complete loser. I can’t shine out like the others do. I can’t, and I won’t. There are 7 billion people alive, and this planet doesn’t need me. I’ve decide to end it all. All I wanted is love, attention, and have fun.

My parents divorced, and now I’m living with my mum. Mum never spend her time with me, she is always busy with clients, meetings, and her work. I’ve once asked mum to bring me out for dinner, she declined and said no. I asked her again, she shouted on my face and said no. She said she has more important thing to do than bringing me out when I can eat on my own. The next day, she apologized and everything went back normal.

Its night, and I slip into my bed, done writing the letter. All I wrote is just another sorry.

‘I’m sorry, mum, and everyone. I have to. Everyone care when it’s too late. I’m sorry.’

Slowly letting myself lying on bed, right hand holding the small knife.

‘Knock knock’ Small knock on the other side of the door.

‘Yeah who’s that..’ I voiced out, weaker than ever.

‘It’s me.. Mum. Honey why aren’t you asleep yet? Are you ok? Open the door dear..’

‘Alright, wait a sec mum.’ Replying as usual, big silent sigh coming out from my mouth.

I immensely keep the knife and the suicide letter under my bed and walk to the door to open it.

‘When are you going to sleep? It’s already 2 in the morning. You’re having class tomorrow, aren’t you? How’s school today?’ There goes mum asking me just in a split second.

‘Mum slow down... I’m not going anywhere. Don’t worry, I’m going to bed after this, and school was just fine.’'

Fine? Did I just say fine? Its fine when people bang me and spilt their food all over my shirt, its fine when the popular girl embarrassed me in front of my other classmates, its fine when bad things happened to me all the time. Everything is just fine, mum, speaking to my mind.

‘Alright.. Goodnight dear. I’m going out early tomorrow, so don’t forget to lock the front door. I’ll be back quite late today. Goodnight and take care, I love you my dear Amy.’

And a soft passionate kiss on my forehead and walking out through the door.

‘Goodnight, I love you too mum.’ I closed the door and lean against it. Thinking deeply, what would happen if I already have cut myself before mum came? Will she scream? Will she ask for help? I don’t know.

I don’t know whether she really loves me. I mean if she does, she wouldn’t leave me, she will definitely be with me when I need a shoulder.

I can’t cry, she hates to see me crying. Things were puzzling on my mind. Should I or shouldn’t I?

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Rise and shine. The next day of school, another worse day to face. I wake up lazily to hit the shower. At the same time, facing the mirror. And I smiled; I don’t know why I smile. Maybe it’s just me, thanking God for the next day. Even I’ve postponed my suicidal.

Getting ready to class, as usual, fit skinny jeans and a loose sweatshirt (A/N picture at the side, beat that shit, she's not that black, she's a blonde hell yeah) One of my coolest sweatshirt ever, to me, yeah. ‘At least I don’t look as nerd as the first day of school’ I told myself. People used to laugh at my thick nerdy glasses back then, but now those so popular kids had already started to wear same glasses like mine. I admit, they look better than me with that specs.

‘There goes the big loser, people! Beware! Ew, stinky jerk!’ Everyone, meet Sara. The popular lass, with terrible attitude. Imagine when a girl caught peoples’ attention by mocking you.

Making fun of me is one of her daily routine, and everyone will start to laugh while pointing at what I’m wearing, how awful the way I walk as I’m hunching back all the time. What else can I do? Scream back? Things will get much worse if I’d done that. People will hate me. Well, they’ve already hated me.

They adore Sara, so do I. She’ll look pretty in whatever she’s wearing. So I just walk, to my locker and there’s a guy. I mean its all out of sudden. Shit, I freaked out. Giving out his right hand ‘I’m Edward. Edward Ben’ and a sweet smile, firm shake.

Am I pretty today? Do I look a bit attractive to receive this hand shake? Oh god.

‘Err.. Hi! Amy. Amy Houston.’ Did a guy just said hi to me? Do I look prettier today compared to the other day? I don’t know. He doesn’t seem familiar at all. I never saw him here before. He might be one of the newbie.

‘I’m new here. So.. Mind leading me to the cafeteria?’ He said gently.

‘Yah why not? Sure!’ Crap. I can't walk properly. Crap, and fuck me bcs everyone is looking.

It’s my first time here to have a good-looking guy talking to me. As you know, I’m a loser. No one would come and talk to me. I'm gross, full gross.