TROUVAILLE ... l.danes (REWRITE)

chapter thirty-five; the past

THEN HER, EXPLODING INTO HIS LIFE

nineteen-eighty-three

SHELLEY SITS at the front of Mr Kingsley's chemistry class next to Olive.

Lucas can't stop staring at her. Has she always been so blonde? When she giggles at one of Olive's whispered jokes, she tries to hide her smile behind her hand, but it peeks out from between her fingers and she ducks her face to hide behind the curtain of blonde hair. In this light, it shines golden. Lucas's fingers itch to brush it away, tuck it behind her ear, and get a good look at the blush that tinges her cheeks.

Mr Kingsley's voice booms around the room. "Lucas?" His head snaps to the man. Everyone has turned to look at him, their heads swiveling towards his frozen stature. Shit. Did Kingsley ask him a question?

"Uh. Yeah, sir?"

He pretends he's been paying attention the whole time, leaning back in his chair with an air of feigned nonchalance. There are words scribbled on the blackboard behind him he doesn't recognise. Symbols and drawings. All sorts of things he can't quite decipher. Why the fuck did he choose chemistry?

"What is the correct chemical formula for the compound aluminum chloride?"

Lucas stares at the blackboard behind his teacher. What does any of this mean? What the fuck is aluminum chloride? Why the hell does he need to know this? He's probably gonna work in his Dad's hardware store for the rest of his life, or he's gonna be the handyman for the town, sorting drain pipes and fallen shelves for all the people he's known for his entire life. He purses his lips and shrugs.

"No idea, sir."

Mr Kingsley whistles between his teeth and spins back around to scribble something on the blackboard in chalk. AlCl₃. Lucas lets his eyes drag back to the pretty blonde sitting at the front of the class. Except, she's already staring back at him, brown eyes wider than usual, pink blush settling on the apple of her cheeks. She gulps, but seems unable to look away. So is he.

Has she always been this beautiful?

Her bottom lip gets sucked between her teeth and she bites down, hard. Does she realize that she's drawn blood, little speckles of the red liquid frothing at the surface to stain her bottom lip. She brings her fingers up to touch her mouth and pulls them away, confused by the sudden sharp pain. He could laugh. God, she's amazing.

He can't stop himself from thinking about yesterday.

The lake covered in the mist brought in from the rain, unsettling in the distance, like a scene from a horror movie he never pays attention to. The stillness of the air around him, nobody shouting his name, nobody jostling his shoulder. Just him and the lake, the bridge he sits on, the grey clouds covering the expanse of the sky. And then her, exploding into his life, all blurred movements and bright smiles, shaking hands as she explains about her upcoming date, quivering mouth as he moves closer. Her breath on his lips. And then, her lips on his lips. Her tongue pushing that barrier between them. Him wanting to pull it down completely and never stop kissing her. He could have kissed her all night.

He could cross the room in four long strides, grip her by the waist and kiss her in one swift move.

He wants to. So desperately he wants to. His fist curls on the table, gripping air that whistles between his nails and his palm. He can't stop staring at her, even as she's gone back to taking notes, having to brush long hair out of her face just to be able to pay attention. How long has he felt like this?

"Is your date tonight?" He'd rushed to pack up and be out the door right after Shelley, but he almost freezes in the doorway. Jeff, with his arm still caught in Lucas' fist, forced to quicken his pace just to keep up with his friend, pushes him out of the door. He can't move out of the stream. He is stuck behind Shelley and Olive and now, he doesn't want to be here.

The kiss was never about him. How could he forget? She just kissed him because she wanted to practice for some boy she's going on a date with. Probably some guy from the AV club, who wears button ups to class and has braces. Lucas' hand curls into a fist in the pocket of his letterman jacket. The kiss was always for someone else. Just practice so that she knows when to stick her tongue in someone else's mouth. So she knows where to put her hands and how to move her head and how to tell when someone wants to kiss her.

She should know now, every time she looks at Lucas, that all he wants is to kiss her.

"Yeah. I'm excited. I think we're going for a drive in his car."

An older guy who can drive. Probably a senior. Shelley didn't say she was going on a date with a senior. In a car. Shit. Is that heartburn?

"A bit cliche. Is he gonna take you to the Quarry?"

The Quarry? Shit. The one place every senior guy takes his date because it's prime makeout spot when you can drive. Nobody will bother you, stuck in the shadow of the surrounding trees, as you grind against one another. How many people have lost their virginity in the back of a car at the Quarry? Is he even taking her to dinner first?

"God, I don't know. I mean, I think he said something about picking up dinner and then driving. Do you think he'll take me there?"

"He's, like, a jock, right? Is it baseball?"

"No. No. Hockey. I think he has a mullet."

Lucas almost freezes again. Fuck. Not an AV club nerd. Not one of those library weirdos who barely go outside. A hockey jock. They all have insanely broad shoulders, so big that they have to get the largest size of letterman just to fit. Some of them do have mullets. Some of them shave the underside of their hair. Some of them have piercings in their tongues (one of the hockey jocks said it's better for the girl, that way. All of his hockey jock friends laughed. Lucas did not.) The town loves them because they almost always get to the final. Sometimes they even win the entire championship.

He can never compete with a hockey jock.

"Not bad. I like their vibe. Some of them, anyway."

"Yeah. Seth's nice. He always calls me 'pretty girl'."

Seth. Tongue piercing guy. Shit. How the fuck is Lucas supposed to compete with Seth, the hockey jock with the tongue piercing. He's barely had a girlfriend himself and yet, here he is, fantasising about kissing Shelley for the rest of his life. And here Shelley is, fantasising about kissing Seth for the rest of her life.

"Is that 'cause he forgot your name?"

She laughs and hits Olive with her elbow. When she shakes her head, her blonde hair swings like the sun setting over the waterfall. "No. He uses my name too. You can trust that I'll only date the right guys." Olive laughs too as she crosses their arms together, tugging Shelley closer.

"Good. I wouldn't want to have to defend your honour or something."

Their laughter follows them down the hallway. It is like the crowd parts for them, as if it knows they deserve more than having to push their way to the cafeteria just to get the good food for lunch. Lucas sinks against his locker and Jeff joins him, heaving out a sigh at finally getting to stop.

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to. But with Jeff's shoulder pushing against his, forced to watch Shelley walk away, and still dreaming about a kiss that only means something to him, Lucas is glad he can ignore the bubble rising in his throat.

He will never forget the taste of Shelley's strawberry lip gloss.