A life

Comments

*Mentions on eating and sexual topics*

I never needed your love the way you needed mine. You wanted me to depend on you the way you depended on me. I hated how you wanted me to control you and it felt like one wrong move could make you upset. You wanted our lives to be combined while I wanted to have a life without you. You introduced me to your sister without giving me a heads up. When I left you got upset that I didn't hug or kiss you goodbye. When I said it would be embarrassing to do that in front of family, you got upset. Another time when I got picked up, you pulled me into a hug and kiss in front of the car. When I asked why you would do that, you said to embarrass you. I'm glad it was just my sister and cousin in the car that day or I would be in huge trouble. You knew if it was my mom I would have been yelled at. You told your sister things that you knew her and her friends would hate me. You told me you never talked about me, before and after we ended it. Yet people I have never even seen before came up and asked "Are you the girl that _______ is still in love with?" and many more questions. "When I get happy, I get really touchy" was something you always told me. Yet I couldn't play around with my friends, hold their arm while walking in the halls, hold their hands and play flirt. You claimed you were only jealous because you liked me so much. You could tell me things that were supposed to get me jealous and when I didn't, I could tell it made you upset. Every joke I made you turned into an argument, even the things my friends would say. It didn't matter if I was present or not. You turned it into an argument. "You really do have fuck me eyes" after you said that I asked my friends and I still avoid eye contact with most people. I once wore ripped jeans, that day at lunch with my friends. You stuck your hand in the rips of my jeans, my knee and my upper to lower inner thigh you touched. You were just on your phone while I had to continue talking to my friends like nothing was wrong. I was too nervous to say something. I knew if I did you would want to talk about it later. I never wore ripped jeans again. Most things I wore I never wore again. "You should have told me you weren't wearing a bra that day so I could have stuck my hand up your shirt." and "The things I wanted to do to you." Even in sweatpants and tee shirts you still found ways to sexualize me and touch me. Every night at 7pm, you would text me to eat. I hated it, I don't need to be reminded and get yelled at if I wasn't hungry. You pointed out my insecurities as a joke. To me it was never a joke, it just made me more self conscious. The many small comments you made still hurt me.