Troubled Mind | Bucky Barnes

Part 9

A/N - This is the chapter you've been waiting for! It's my first spicy scene I've ever written. It's not at all graphic and I'm still learning how to write this kind of stuff,  so please don't judge too hard!

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Alexi had bad dreams all night, tossing and turning. Her dreams jumped from image to image that she couldn't make sense of. Being held in a Hydra base, strapped to a chair, jerking and thrashing to get out. Someone in a lab coat injecting her with something until she was screaming. She kept coming back to a single image of the Avengers all lined up at the end of the barrel of a rifle. She looked through the barrel, lining up her shot. She pulled back and shook her head. She looked again and focused on a single person, Natasha. She pulled back again shaking her head. Suddenly standing up, picking up the sniper rifle and in an act of pure rage, slamming it over her knee breaking it in half. She dropped the pieces, turned her back and started running. She woke up with a start, sitting straight up in bed. She couldn't breathe as tears swam in her eyes blurring her vision. She wiped them away and steadied her breathe. She held her face in her hands, coming to the realization that she had finally seen the truth of what she'd been trying to forget.

She tried to put it out of her mind, getting dressed and walking downstairs. She had no idea what to say, as Bucky was still upset with her for keeping the truth from him. She didn't see him as she headed into the kitchen to make some coffee. On the counter, she found a pot of coffee freshly made and an empty mug sitting in front of the machine, waiting for her. Bucky emerged from the bathroom just then, wrapped in a towel, having just taken a shower.

"Good morning," he said with an unreadable expression on his face.

Was this a truce coffee? Alexi thought, looking confused. "Um...morning. Is this for me?" She held up the mug for him to see.

"Yeah," he nodded with a small smile. "It's still fresh."

"Thank you," she said as more of a question than a statement.

"Look, I shouldn't have gotten so upset. I'm sorry. It just brought back some memories I'd rather not think about. And, I remember what it was like on the run, after Hydra. I couldn't trust anyone. It was an adjustment. I'm still adjusting."

She hadn't expected such honest sincerity from him. She could only return it with a simple, "I'm sorry too,"

"You don't have to apologize."

"No, I do. I could have done more back then. I should have covered my tracks better instead of blaming you. I should have helped once I learned what was going on. What they had done to you." She trailed off, realizing that was standing in front of her, still wet, in a towel wrapped low around his waist. She quickly turned to pour the coffee before he noticed her staring.

Except he had noticed and tried to hide his smile. "I don't blame you...but...I should go get dressed." He turned to leave.

"Don't forget to oil that arm!" She called after him.

"Yeah, yeah," he said with a laugh that told her he wasn't upset anymore.

She sighed. She had resolved to tell him the truth and faced with the opportunity, completely failed. She spent the entire morning worrying about what to do. Where would I start? How would he react? Why do I suddenly care how he would react? It was all too much. She decided she needed some air and went outside to take a jog around the property.

She started running faster and faster until she was lapping the property and surrounding woods several times. She kept pushing but it wasn't enough. Finally, she stopped abruptly and put her hands on her knees, out of breath. The mission, going on the run, being captured and tortured in Berlin. She remembered it all. The reason she was here now. Stopping in front of the door to the cabin trying to settle her expression before walking in.