Only Till Forever (Book 1 in the Forever Duet)

Staying Alive

I swallow hard looking everywhere but him. I didn't expect this. I expected anger, indifference, or even meanness. Not him wanting to know what happened. Well I mean I knew he'd want to know didn't think he would basically kidnap me. 

"I uhh I- your place is nice" I say quickly still avoiding eye contact.

He huffs getting up but squats in front of me taking my chin between his fingers forcing me to look at him.

"My patience is thin baby. I've been without you for too long. Start talking" He gives my forehead a kiss before he sits down opposite of me again.

"I want you to know before I start this, if I could go back I would. If I had let you stay instead of pushing you away everything would be different."

He grunts leaning his elbows on his knees hands clasped nodding for me to continue.

I forgot how handsome he was. His dark hair longer than before and those beautiful eyes. Still sucking me deep no surprise there, but they still had a wall up. 

"After you found me and I made you leave I went to bed. I just laid there thinking about how I am a pitiful excuse for a human being and I-"  Gray cuts me off.

"You aren't an exc-" I put up my hand stopping him.

He nods miming the zipping of his lips.

" So I laid there for about an hour or so. Then I became restless. Sometimes after I cut I can get an adrenaline rush. So I threw on some shoes and went for a run."

I shiver pulling my legs up under my hoodie this doesn't go unnoticed and Gray grabs the blanket behind him and throws it at me.

As I lay the blanker over me I continue. "I know going out at two in the morning isn't very smart but just had to go. I didn't see him in the shadows. He definitely had the element of surprise otherwise I think I could have maybe escaped." I whisper watching Grays jaw start to clench.

"He tackled me to the ground and then drug me by my hair behind the closest building. I had the wind knocked out me and was so surprised I didn't react till it was too late" Gray is off the couch and pacing now.

"He ripped my clothes and was inside of me before I -" I stopped sobbing into my hands. This is the first time I've said it. I couldn't believe I had been touched without my consent. I had been taken without my consent. I was a fucking virgin and he took it from me.

"He-he-he shoved it in me so hard I screamed. He slapped his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet and whispered the nastiest things in my ear. I couldn't take it. I just laid there and let him do it. I didn't try to fight back Gray I just died right there on the ground." My tears kept falling and Gray was holding the back of the couch knuckles turning white from squeezing so hard.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. I hate myself for it and I-" 

Grayson stops me there, rushing over to my side. I flinch and I can see the devastation in his eyes. I shake my head pulling him to me. His big arms wrap around me pulling me into his chest. Fuck I needed this. I feel safe here.

"Baby. Don't say sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't let anything happen, he took something from you." He rubs my back gently while I soak his shirt in tears.

"I am so fucking sorry. Fuck. I am so sorry baby." He whispers into my hair. 

I pull back looking at my beautiful nightmare. "You-you don't hate me?" I hiccup.

Those hazel eyes widen. "Of course not baby. I fucking love you. That hasn't changed for me even if you did ghost me for the last almost four months." He shakes his head pulling me onto my lap.

"Little one. I am very proud of you for sharing with me. I know that it was hard and maybe even scary, but you are so brave baby." He kisses the top of my head.

"I didn't report him Gray. I just went back to my dorm and scrubbed my body for what felt like hours. I am so stupid." I cry into his neck.

"It's okay baby. If you want we can talk to someone at the station see if there is anything we can do. I hate to ask this but did he use a condom or do we need to take you to get checked?" He pulls me back to  look into my eyes.

" He used a condom. Small miracles and all that" I try a lame attempt at a joke. 

He shakes his head giving me a teeny tiny smile.

"Baby we need to talk about you now." His gaze sweeping over me.

I shake my head. Nope. Not happening.

"Yep. You've been taking it out on yourself haven't you?" He questions eyes blazing.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I mutter.

Grayson growls picking me up and taking me into what I'm assuming is his bedroom. I start to panic trying not to sink back into the memories of that night as he sets me down in front of his mirror.

"Baby. Look at yourself. Your face is sunken in. Your eyes have deep circle under them and your skin is tinted yellow." He grabs my chin making me look at myself truly for the first time.

I can't help but want to cry. My hair is dull and dry and he's right it's not just my mouth anymore that's yellow it's my whole face.

"Little one I know you've lost weight and I don't mean that in a positive healthy way and I can guarantee if we took this hoodie off you would be covered in cuts am I right?" He looks at me in our reflection his eyes holding no pity just sadness. 

"Baby you are slowly killing yourself. I love you no matter what, but if you continue down this path you won't be here for me to love." He whispers leaning down to put his head on my shoulder. 

"I can't stand myself Gray. I feel dirty and broken. I don't feel clean. No matter what I do it's like I can't reach everyplace he touched me, like I won't ever be clean." I mutter looking away from myself.

He turns me into his arms holding me.

"What can I do to make it better baby. I would do anything for you."

"Lay with me?" I plead looking into his eyes. I can see the warmth sink in and the walls come down.

"Please lay down with me and hold me." I beg.

He chuckles taking my hand and walking me over to his massive bed. All I notice is his sheets are black before Gray lets go of my hand a swiftly takes off his shirt. I lick my lips looking at all those abs. I forgot how hot he was. Then he takes of his shorts and stands in nothing but his boxer briefs. 

I swallow trying not to look down. I can't help but feel a sense of anxiety wash over me. He doesn't expect me to get naked right. I don't want him to see me yet. I'm still dirty.

I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding in when he pulls on a pair of sweat pants.

He climbs under the covers first lifting them for me.

"Get in baby let's cuddle and sleep." He gives me the most gorgeous smile. It takes up his whole face.