Broken Bars

The Sake of Civility

A day after Andrea was gone, Rick made the decision to return to his old police precinct.

"We need guns, and a lot of 'em," he reasoned. "I'm taking Michonne with me, if anyone else feels up to it-"

"We will," Tyreese and Sasha raised their hands. "please, we gotta pull our weight around here somehow."

Rick, surprisingly, agreed to it.

I bit my tongue to stop myself from protesting. It was a conflicting plan, something I wasn't sure would do us any good. Was it smart to leave whilst the Governor was hellbent on killing us?

"I wanna come too," Carl insisted. Rick looked like he wanted to say no. Instead, he just nodded silently. There was no point in telling Carl to stay behind. The boy wasn't very good at doing what he was told. I wouldn't have put it past Carl to try and sneak into the trunk of the car.

As the others packed up to head out, Rick stood beside me, reaching out to tickle Judith beneath her chin. She gurgled, her rosy cheeks curling to reveal two tiny dimples. My heart took a dip into my throat as I stared down at her happy face. Her eyes were becoming darker, now stained brown and flecked with honey.

"You think you can handle things while I'm gone?" he asked.

"You think you can keep your head on straight while you're away?" I retorted. He scowled, his hand flinching back to touch his head. He rubbed the area Carol had hit.

Truthfully, I was surprised he was talking to me. Not a word had been said about what had happened. If it had, then neither Carol nor I had been part of the conversation. I should know; I'd already asked her.

He wasn't stable. I wasn't sure if he would ever be. Lori's death had happened so suddenly that Rick didn't have time to mourn before other problems erupted. There were cracks in his leadership. It was only a matter of time before he blew up.

I wasn't doing this to hurt Rick. I was doing it to save him. Mostly from himself.

The group followed them outside as they began to load the car. For all we knew, this could be the last time we saw them.

I watched Daryl from the corner of my eye as I hugged Carl. He was staring at me, the way my arms shook on the crutches, the way my foot gingerly touched the floor as I pulled away. It wasn't a look of anger or want, it was a soft, caring side of Daryl he rarely showed.

Then it faded as Merle looked towards him.

I couldn't understand Merle Dixon. Nor did I want to. I hated him and the feeling was mutual. He most definitely had more reason than I did. I hated him for taking Daryl away from us. He despised me for leaving him to die.

I supposed it had to come back and bite me in the ass at some point.

I exchanged one last look with Rick as the car began to pull away. There was a chill settling in my stomach that only got colder as the car pulled out of the gates. The walkers outside began to growl, the overwhelming scent of humans drawing them to the gates.

I began to move forward, only to realise the two metal poles holding me up meant I was essentially useless. Instead I watched, teeth clashing together, as the others surged forward to shut the gates. Josie pressed her blade into an advancing walker's skull.

I wasn't the defender. I was someone who needed defended. Dear lord, I was more helpless than the kids at this point.

Carol appeared next to me, Judith snuggled in her arms. Her grey hair was getting longer, now reaching the tips of her ears in tiny tufts. For a moment I thought I saw Axel's blood dripping from her face, but the iron rivers disappeared the moment I blinked. They were replaced by aging lines and crows feet forming when she smiled.