COMPLETED Nellie Lovett (The Virgin Widow of Fleet Street) #Wattys2016 Sweenett

"You're killing me too... Elle..."

Chapter XV

Nellie's head felt so heavy. Her eyes were so tired that she can't get herself to open them. She breathed hard, lately she's been having bad nights. She'd wake up in the middle of the night sweating, running for her breath, feeling burning sensations on her skin until she can no longer sleep. Nightmare as it is.
During days, she would be too sluggish to rise and get out of bed, sometimes she'd feel as though the world is spinning.

"Mum!!!" Toby's cheerful voice caught her attention, she put her hand on her forehead as she tried to sit down.
"Brought your breakfast mum!" He smiled widely holding a tray with both hands.
Nellie smiled at Toby. He put the tray down to the sidetable and hopped on her bed to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. Nellie giggled and embraced the kid.
"You made these?" She asked guiltily, what time is it now? She asked herself. She should be the one taking care of this kid and yet it was the opposite that's happening. He'd always been her source of happiness and strength these past month and weeks. Without Toby, she didn't think she could live and be well. Although the painful memories as well as nightmares still come and go every once in awhile, at least with Toby beside her, Nellie can feel somehow at ease. Somehow, her life has a purpose. But seeing him growing up maturely in advanced because of inevitable circumstances makes her feel guilty, even if he wasn't really her son, she still wants the best for him. She wants him to enjoy his youth by playing outside with other kids and just having a normal and happy life.

"You're growing up too fast..." She murmured and touched his cheek. Toby just grinned at her and gave her a big hug.
"It will be better if you can play outside with other kids." She rubbed his back gently.
"Not to worry mum, Mrs. Park will be here soon and her grandchildren and I can play again."
It has been a month since Mrs. Park went to the countryside for a relative's funeral. Nellie has a lot to thank the old woman for, and she has a lot to tell her. She looked at Toby again and felt really bad for him, surely the next few months will be harder for both of them especially for him...

"Eat up now mum! Or the porridge will be cold." He said excitedly cutting her deep thoughts.
Nellie started with the tea, it was jasmine tea. It helped her relaxed a little bit, the porridge and fresh fruits also helped her in some ways.

"Isn't it sour mum?" Toby asked as she put a sliced sunkist in her mouth and sipped its juice. Nellie just looked at Toby, his facial reaction made her giggle, it was as if he was the one sipping the sour juice of the fruit.
"Nope." She giggled. "It's really sweet. Why don't you have some?" She handed him a slice and he obliged.
"Mum!!! It's really sour!!!" He almost spit which made Nellie giggled more.
"But it's sweet for me, love." She said laughing.

Later that day, Nellie has just finished making a salad for dinner, the sun is just about to set when she went out to call on Toby. She was sure, the kid is chatting with her devil of a neighbor again.

"Toby..." She suddenly froze on her feet. She just went out of the door when something glistened in her eyes, like a flash of light suddenly ran through her face. It was Toby, the light came from the metal thing he was holding which hit the ray of light coming from the sun and its blinding reflection bounced to her face.
Realizing what it is that he's playing with made her tremble. It was a silver metal with a delicately designed handle leading to its blades... Razor! Sweeney Todd's razor!

Toby grinned as he raised his hand holding the razor and put it down again to what seemed like a doll with a bib on it. Nellie couldn't move for a moment, she just froze there in fear before she screamed and ran towards Toby.
"Toby!!!" She caught his wrist as he shaved the dolls chin and shook his hand until he let go of the razor.
"Mum!!!" Startled, Toby cried when the razor flew from his hand to the floor.
"What are you doing!!!" She screamed angrily at the kid who's now crying because of fear.
"Mum, I was only playing!" He tried to explain, Toby was shaking now as well, seeing how his mum was trembling, seeing how furious her eyes were while gazing at him. Toby closed his eyes tightly when Nellie raised her hand to slap him.
"Nellie!!!" It was Sweeney Todd, his hand locked on his mum's wrist even before she could slap him on the face. Toby ran crying back inside the house and headed to his room frightened.

Sweeney was furious as hell now too. Nellie couldn't possibly thought of hitting her son, could she?

"Nellie! Stop it!" He pulled her and she bumped against his chest. His brows were almost one line now.
"You're over-reacting!!!" He shouted, his hand is still locked on her wrist while the other one is on her arm.

"Toby is a kid! He's only playing! How could you be so mean to him?!" He was so angry that he shook her not so gently to get her to her senses. Nellie looked him in the eye, and that was only then he noticed she was crying, her lips were shaking and her whole body was trembling again.

"Get off me!" She pulled her wrist from his grip but he isn't letting go.
"Get off me!!!" She hit him on the chest with both hands, crying, until Sweeney finally let her hand go and allowed her to hit him as much as she wanted.
"You!!! I hate you!!!" Her palm landed on his cheek to his surprise. The force of her slap was so hard that he felt his face literally turned to the other side. Sweeney opened his eyes; his razor is on the floor, a doll is on a chair with a bib on its chest...ready for a shave.

He looked back at Nellie again, now with tender eyes as he realized what made her react this way.
"Nellie..."
"I was over-reacting you say?! How dare you say such things to me?!" She hit him on the chest again, her tears continued flowing down her beautiful face that has turned red because of anger.
"You are the most evil person I have come to meet in this life! You, loathsome demon almost killed me with that friend of yours!" She pointed a finger to the razor on the floor not cutting her angry gaze at him.
"And you dare say I was over-reacting?! You turned me into this!!!" Her knuckles turned white as she clutched them tightly while hitting her own chest.
"You ruined everything!!! You ruined my life!!!" She cried out loud. Sweeney was trembling now as well, he can see nothing but sorrow and anger from Nellie's eyes. She never talked to him about anything in the past month and weeks, although he knows how much she loathed him, hearing her now still breaks his heart. It's still so painful being slapped on the face with her words, with her hatred and anger towards him. He wanted to say something, he wanted to embrace her and calm her, but he can't...and he knows he shouldn't. He owed her more than this. It's the only thing he can do for her now, to let her pour her hatred onto him, to allow her to let go of these emotions she's been hiding all this time.
"You said we all deserve to die!!! Yes we do! I only hoped you just ended it all that night!!! You should've just slit my throat to die that night!!!" She hit him hard on the chest again.
"I didn't ask for this life!!!" She shouted angrily as she cried.
"I didn't want to live this way!!!"

"Nellie..." A tear fell from his eyes.

"You're getting the best of your revenge now..." Her voice broke, her fist still on his chest but she isn't hitting him anymore.
"If this pathetic life of mine satisfies you well enough for what happened to Lucy... You're doing your revenge perfectly... Slowly...and effectively..." She sobbed, shivers moved down her shoulders in double time before she continued.
"You're killing me..." She leaned her head on the back of her hands above his chest before she walked inside the house.

Sweeney was left outside, seeing her back slowly disappearing from him again. Just feeling her hands on his chest, every word she said tugged painfully on his heart that he can't breathe. "You're killing me..." Screamed his mind, replaying Nellie's words to his senses.

"You're killing me too... Elle..." His tears fell.