Stay

4: When the visions around you bring tears to your eyes

I will never stop loving Zayn, as long as he's living, I will support him 100% and that's a promise that I will keep. I can relate to Zayn in some ways and I want to hate him but I just can't. He's been so selfless and he's genuine. I can never hate someone who did some things others can't do. Enough of the rant. I love the boys so much that my life is revolving around them, and them only. X

-

I thought I can like a person that is so kind towards me, I just thought that. But I just can't. I ignored most of his phone calls, and when I answer him, I always tell him that I'm busy with school even though I'm just sitting at my flat eating ice lollies. And I feel guilty. How can I be so stupid and not like him? He's a great guy.

I talked to Eleanor about this since she's been the closest friend that I have, and I've only known her in a month or so.

"You're just afraid, you're scared. Because you don't want to feel what you felt in the past. But that's not right" she said to me and it hit me real hard. That maybe she's right, or maybe I'm just a heartless bitch because Bradley took every love that I can give.

"Do whatever you want to do if you don't want to listen to me, but please call him, you're driving him crazy. He's really worried about you" she told me and I just nodded. But my hands aren't capable of typing a message that will be sent to Zayn. And I don't know why.

It was 'one date' and I promised to myself to be more open minded. Guess my mind's just as stubborn as my feelings.  It happened too fast for me to even realize that this is real. It was one moment when I knew Louis and Eleanor, it's been weeks since I first met Zayn, and it was the last time I saw him, and tabloid doesn't count.

I got all ready for uni, packed all my things, most especially the two of the most important things in my life: my pen and my journal.

"Are you going to uni?" she asked me. "Yes. Aren't you?"

"Too cool for school, hunny. And you know, jury service. Ugh" she rolled her eyes and I threw a pillow at her. "Oh before we part ways, I have something to tell you. I looked in to Louis' search history and guess what I found!"

"Oh god no, please don't tell me he's been searching for porn on his phone" I pleaded and she laughed at me before she spoke again. "Silly! It's far from porn, but he's searching the basic steps on lucid dreaming. See you later!" she said to me and skipped her way to the elevator.

"You are so weird" I shake my head and I pressed G.

"Oh, I've been called worse, dah-ling"

—

The entrance to the uni was jam packed, and my head was spinning with all the people bumping me here and there. I can't get ahold of one single person running, and I too, walked faster to see what the commotion is all about.

"Please let me take a picture with you!" someone shouted and my heart beats faster than the usual and I don't like the vibe that I'm getting. I tried to get a peek but there's just so many taller people crowding me.

I squeezed myself in just so I can see what's happening. "But I need to know where the English building is, I would love to chat with you guys but I need to find someone" I definitely knew who that accent belonged to. I pinched myself to check if I'm dreaming or not.

Oh my god, I can't believe that this is happening to me now. "Please pinch me, please tell me I'm not dreaming" I said and the girl beside me was obviously crept out with my words.

I tried to hide my face and tried to get out of the crowd, but there are so many people now and all they're trying to do is to push me in the centre, what a coincidence.