celestia? never heard of it. // genshin impact

therapy is for losers (its me, im the loser)

Notes:

This is set in the future. so aged up characters

autistic bennett...

mentions of alcohol.

It's the middle of February, it's a hot day and it's his 5th birthday. He's short, tiny, and hasn't been able to calm down since that morning. Various men and women in the guild have attempted to, but he does not calm down. In fact, he does the very opposite and cries louder. Why is he crying? He doesn't know. But he knows something was incredibly, so, so incredibly wrong, and he has to cry about it.

It wasn't wrong in the sense of how most people would think it. It wasn't like he was hungry, or was sad, or broke one of his favourite toys, it was an entirely different kind of wrong. Maybe it was because his skin was too clammy or that he found his hands too paper-y, but it was enough to send him sobbing.

Enough to send his little five year old self into the corner, his hands clamped over his ears and his eyes screwed shut. At the time, everyone just assumed it was one of those things that children did. Children scream and cry and have tantrums all the time, especially young children, so what was the difference here? It was just a kid being a kid, after all.

It was in fact, not a normal kid thing.

Over the course of the years, experiences like that have happened multiple times. If it was too loud, he would cry. If the temperature was slightly off, he would cry. If anything was wrong, he would cry.

Eventually, they got tired of it.

It was excusable when he was five, but not when was ten and about to enter fourth grade. A fourth grade that wouldn't take him because of his history with the school; one that was on the far end of the city, where he had to wake up early to walk to.

They yell at him, he cries, they yell louder and he cries more. Eventually, he ends up shoving down that horrible feeling that happens when something is wrong. If he can just power through it, then surely it'll go away, right? If he can ignore it, then surely it'll be fine.

And there goes the final nail in the coffin.

Sometimes, his therapist asks him: what do you think your parents are doing right now? What would they think of you right now?

And, depending on how he answers, she'll give him one of two answers. The one he receives most is this: "That's good, you shouldn't be focusing on them anymore. They're out of your life now, and the fact you're able to go on with yours without thinking of what they would think, shows you're moving on. You're healing."

Despite that, he still loves his parents. He and them were on good terms, you could say. He got along with them as a teen, he took care of them and in return they were nice to him. Of course, there were some of the meaner ones, but they loved him and he loved them. In the end, they were never, truly, trying to harm him. It's just that most adventurers aren't meant for the whole parenting gig, because they explore the world not parenting books.

And yeah, the thought of what they would think of him now still plagues his mind now and then, but it doesn't follow him around like a lost puppy. A very, very unpleasant lost puppy, that is. And yeah, he still has trouble with the whole self confidence thing, but he's constantly working a step towards getting better. So is everyone else around him.

Besides, he would be a hypocrite if he didn't. If he kept telling Fischl to just talk to someone about her problems, but didn't do that himself.

Normally, 13 year old boys don't go on adventures. Most of the time, it's 15 year olds with parental permission, or 20 year olds who need some mora, it's almost never 13 year old boys. But he's been with the guild for a while, his whole life actually. So he'd say, at the time, that he's more than qualified to go on an adventure. Despite the weird things happening lately–bricks falling on his head, cats running in front of him at just the right moment for him to trip, that stuff. He was confident.

It helped that he knew more about the wilderness than most 13 year old boys, more than those boys who he saw sign up to Adventurers Guild Juniors or whatever it was called.

So, he had collected one of the maps from his parents, some supplies and scanned the board for something to do. Commissions were boring and didn't give anything other than mora, and he already had enough of that. He wanted treasure! He wanted loot! He wanted gold or something, not some coins that he can just get from one of his dads.

What he ends up with is nothing, there's nothing on the board he's interested in, so instead he decides to just explore. Yeah, he knows everything from Windrise and back, but he's never gone farther ya'know? Of course, he tells Katheryne, who will tell his parents when they come wondering where he is. He scribbles his name in where the form asked for his signature (what even was that, technically? Just fancy handwriting, right?). How long will he be gone? An hour or two, definitely. That sounds like enough time, if he ran he could get to Windrise in like 10 minutes, and then he can spend a bit exploring and stuff! Yeah, one or two hours sounds good.

And, looking back on it, maybe Katheryne shouldn't have gone against her better judgement at the time. Maybe she should have shook her head and told him to go back inside, and that if he really wanted to go out, he could sign up for the Junior Explorers.

However, despite being an AI, Katheryne had known him to be capable at the time, and said nothing.

(At least he got powers out of the whole ordeal. Because on the way, he found a dropped map and the map said there was treasure and treasure sounded pretty cool, so he just had to follow it, you know?)

Occasionally, one of the questions his therapist asks him is this: how do you feel about yourself?

And depending on how he answers that question, she'll give him one of three responses. One of the most common of these responses is the one where she sighs, puts down her clipboard and says: "Are you sure you need me anymore?"

She says this because he's come so far from that day where Fischl (and Razor, who didn't really know what was happening, but knew that this lady would help his friend) dragged him into her office and told her to do something, because something was wrong. Funny how he didn't really know anything was wrong, until his friends started pointing it out. Funny how he didn't realise hating yourself wasn't exactly normal (like most things about him.)

His response to her response varies, but it always has the same meaning. I'm not ready yet.

Then he goes back home, or he crashes on Fischl's couch, or he visits Wolvendom and gets smothered by a bunch of furry pelts and his second best friend. Fischl is the first best friend. But Fischl and Razor are honestly on the same ranking of best friend, the order doesn't decide anything.

Sometimes, all three of them end up hanging out for the whole night and either end up drunk and suffering from a sugar crash somewhere. Then they wake up and have headaches and honestly considering all three of them suffer daily from too-bright-lights or too-loud-noises that cause are-you-a-toddler-meltdowns, getting drunk is never the best idea.

And, if you showed 15 year old him where he is now, he wonders what he would say. Maybe 15 year old Bennett would yell at 20 year old Bennett for giving up on the whole adventure thing, or maybe he would see everything that happened and he'd understand and he'd be proud of 20 year Bennett instead of angry. When he voices that to his therapist, she says not to focus on it, not if he wants to stay in the now and not the then.

He's thankful for his therapist, he's not going to lie.