From: Me, To: You

This is me, I guess

Alright...
Where do I even begin...

Let's start by the beginning, I guess...

If you are freely reading this, I hope you keep in mind that your partner may need you most of the time and probably won't tell you because of maybe insecurities from their past. Please take me as an example of someone who cried for help for so long and wasn't receiving anything in return and please, take care of your partner.

If I sent you this, just know that these are things that are hard for me to talk about, or at least explain in person in a casual way, specially if we're only beginning... So please, keep on mind that if I haven't talk to you about it personally, its not because I don't trust you or I want to hide if from you, its because I don't know how to even begin to explain all the mess that is my mind, what would you think of me, how would you react, everything... So at least, please hear me out, even if it is this way...

Ok, without further ado, let's start...

I rarely fell for someone, if I could say never, I would. I just don't fall for people that easily. That's not just who I am and... If I gave you an opportunity, its because I trust you enough and feel comfortable enough to feel something toward you, which I rarely do with anyone... So, after saying this, I want to talk about the first time I fell for someone...

Yes, it's not my first time having feelings towards someone, I think I already told you that, but... That first one... Oh, buy was I such a fool...

The first time I fell for someone it was 2014. I was only a kid of 15 years old and it was the first time that I was feeling something for someone. Something special. Nobody knew, I didn't tell nobody, I tried not to show it either, it was my biggest secret that lasted a long time... Way longer than it should've had...

So, I fell for this boy after we talked for a few months over the internet. I thought it was just me making another friend, since I was such a social butterfly and that was something that I could do easily. From talking casually over some stuffs we liked, to things we had in common, I didn't noticed but I got excited every time he texted me or called me. We rarely talked over the phone, we lived with our parents and they wouldn't allow us talking to some strangers over the internet, so we mainly texted with some casual voice messages. As time passed, I guess I started to have feelings for him and I didn't noticed.

We kept talking until one day, he simply confesses me. He confessed that he liked me as more as a friend. I jokingly said that I do also liked him as a more than a friend, more like a brother and he rephrase his sentence and told me that he things he loves me. At that time, it was the first time that someone told him that they loved me and I froze. People in the past told me that they had feelings for me, but I simply rejected them 'cause I just didn't felt the same. But him... It was the first time that I was happy that someone confessed to me because I didn't knew if the feelings I had were from friendship or love. So him telling me that he had feelings for me simply made it all more clear, I was in love with him. So, I told him that. And he was so happy.

After that and for a long time we had the best chats, we texted all day, every day, he was a flirtatious guy and I barely could manage it because I do not react to compliments too good. I get way too nervous and turn completely red. When people tells me compliments to my face, I get so nervous that I start laughing and making jokes about myself telling them how wrong they are by telling me such nonsense like "how pretty" I was. If I had a long friendship relationship with that person, I would simply insult them telling then "how stupid" or "dumb" they were for saying those things and even push them just to make them change their minds. So him flirting with me almost 24/7 was not helping.