As if Nothing

Chapter 4

//

"I'm so sorry", I whispered and tried to look into his eyes. He clenched his fists and turned his head away to avoid my gaze. I saw him breathing heavily, and before he could say something, I continued.

"I'm not asking you to understand, I'm just begging for your forgiveness. I really regret the things I did, I regret them more than anything. I want you, nobody else. Please, believe me."

He turned his head to me and his eyes met mine. They were filled with sorrow and anger, and his cheeks were covered in tears. He opened his mouth to say something, but didn't seem to find the right words and therefore closed it again. His body was strained and his knees were shaking. I hated to see him like this and I hated that it was my fault that he felt like this. My heart fell in my chest when I realised that the things I had done weren't forgettable. He would never forgive me.

As if he had realised it himself, he turned around and began to walk away from me.

"I love you", I said as a last attempt to make him stay and took one step against him to touch his arm, but he gave me a look of disgust and shook my hand off. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks and I regretted everything I had done to end up here. I wanted him more than I wanted anyone, but he hated me. I couldn't undo the things I had done and I had to understand his decision.

Suddenly I got interrupted by a tiny applause. My boyfriend disappeared and I was once again standing in front of Elsa, Aaron and Chris. I had just been acting the scene they wanted me to act from the script, and maybe I had been acting it with too much feeling. I could feel real tears fall from my eyes and when I tried to wipe them away I realised I only messed up my mascara.

"Brilliant!" Elsa exclaimed. "That was brilliant Sam!"

"Thanks", I murmured shyly. I was a bit embarrassed that I had gotten into the role so seriously. I had seen it all before as an imagination and it would have been fun if I had been alone. But now three people had seen it, plus that it existed on tape.

"And this was your first audition ever?" Aaron asked and I nodded. "That was very good for being a first audition!"

I smiled and played around with my hands while I just wanted to disappear from the room. I felt too fragile and too exposed to keep a conversation going, and thankfully the audition seemed to be over.

"Okay, this was all for now", Elsa said and walked over to me to shake my hand. "Thank you for participating, we will contact you in a few weeks"

"Thank you for letting me participate", I said just to be polite, but realised the moment after I had opened my mouth that it sounded quite stupid. Elsa laughed once again, a thing she seemed to do every time I said stupid things.

"Oh Sam, no worries". She winked. "We would never say no to anyone like you."

I said bye to Aaron and Chris, who waved at my direction, before I opened the door to left the room. When I got out I met a girl who waited outside, probably for the audition. She looked both stunning and really cool with her brown, long hair and brown eyes, while she was wearing skinny, black jeans along with a grey band shirt. I had seen her in school before but she often spend her days alone, sitting in the corner of the library with headphones in her ears. I knew that she played the drums and the guitar, but I had never had the chance to talk to her which was a pity, since she appeared to be one of the few people in this school who seemed nice.

When she saw me get out of the room fear spread over her face and I realised that I must have looked horrible with my red eyes and makeup all over my face. I smiled a bit to calm her down but I didn't think it worked. When I had walked down a bit in the corridor I heard Elsa call out her name, which was Jasmine, and after that I heard the door close behind me.