Training Wheels

1

  I probably shouldn’t have been quite so terrified of walking through the doors of a small pizza shop, but my palms were outright sweating and I’m sure the panic is evident on my face. My eyes scan the shop, spotting the glass doors of a private space to the right, a sign reading ‘LLM’ hanging on the glass. There are a handful of people inside already, I can see them greeting each other casually as I take the few shaky steps towards the door. I’m almost tempted to turn around, order a slice of pizza to go and make a run for it - but someone inside the room is opening the door and speaking to me before I can move.

“Are you here for the LLM group?” I swallow, resisting the urge to choke on my dry throat, and nod.

When I look up, I can see the man who opened the door has a friendly smile on his face, grey scruff lightly covering his chin and nothing about him gives any hint to the group’s true meeting purpose.

“You must be new. My name is John, would you happen to be Kyler?” He asks in a gruff but soft voice.

Again I nod, feeling a bit dumb when I shake my head and finally find my voice.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m a bit nervous,” I try to laugh, but my voice shakes and the nerves must be more than apparent all over my demeanor right now.

John just laughs, not mocking at all but warm. He puts out a very jovial vibe, and I think he’s probably something of a father figure to a lot of younger people in the scene.

“That’s completely okay. Everyone is nervous about their first few visits, but I think you’ll like it when you meet the rest of the group. We’ve got some food inside, and I can introduce you while you settle in and adjust for a bit.” He tilts his head in the direction of the group further in the room as he speaks.

The relief settling into my bones was heavy and soothes the shaking just enough for my shaking steps to even out and my hands to stiffen at my sides. I follow John to the large table surrounded by chairs in the middle of the room and flinch only a little when the door squeaks shut.

The first thing I notice is that most of the people are quite a bit older than me. The second thing I notice is the incredibly cute guy standing across the room.

John grabs what must be his drink from the table and points to the chair next to his own, offering it to me. I offer what I hope is a smile but may have been more of a grimace, and quickly sit.

Most of the group, only about ten to fifteen people, move to sit down around the table as well, passing around plates and cups and bottles of soda. I hesitantly take a plate and a single slice of pizza, only pouring a drink when I think about how dry my mouth is.

I try not to look at too many people, just glance at each person around me and offer small smiles to whoever I catch the eye of accidentally. When the boy I noticed sits next to me suddenly, it takes everything in me not to jump about a foot in the air. I hadn’t noticed him pulling out the chair but he slides in smoothly and the smile on his face is almost blinding when I look at him.

“‘M Harry. You’re new, what’s your name?” Harry’s surprisingly deep voice almost seems to calm my nerves before the heat settles into my cheeks.

It’s clear that I’m new. My anxious mind is telling me that I don’t belong here and that coming was a mistake, but I’d finally worked up the courage to walk in this time and it was too late to back out. I’d actually come with the intention of joining two weeks prior, and I’d sat in the shop’s main seating area just to watch the group after losing my nerve at the glass doors of the private room.

“I’m Kyler. Nice to meet you,” I cringe, hopefully only inwardly, at how uncomfortably awkward I sound when I speak. The dimples that grow in Harry’s cheeks as he smirks at me make me want to feel comfortable around the other boy, but I can’t shake my nerves so easily.

“Oh?” Harry tilts his head a bit to the side, smile softening as he takes a bite of the pizza piled on his plate, “An American. You’re the first in the group. What’re you doing all the way over here then?”

I sip at my soda, trying not to stare too much at the light in his eyes, or the sweet brown curls falling over his face just so.

“Well, I came over for school, but as it turns out… I didn’t do so well in your schooling system. I’m living with my uni roommate and looking for a job now.” I breathe slowly when I notice my voice has leveled out a bit, less nervous sounding than before. Harry just hums as he chews for a bit.
The bustle around us is calming as everyone is settling in their spots now, and John stands just as Harry is about to speak again.

“Hello everyone!” The others cheer quietly and reply, but I watch silently. “So, to begin I’d like to introduce you to a newcomer here at the London Leather Munch. This is Kyler, he’s new to the scene and to London.” John pats my shoulder and I give a small wave to the group as they all chirp out ‘hello’s to me.

“Can you introduce yourself? Tell us your role, where you’re from, your age. That stuff.” A woman with bright pink hair asks gently from the side of the table, a disarming smile in place and her legs primly folded where she sits.

“I’m Kyler, as John said,” I begin, trying to breathe evenly and avoid stuttering. “I’m a sub, I’m nineteen and I’m originally from the states but moved to London last year.” I finish quietly, hoping the flaring heat over my face isn’t as noticeable to everyone else as it is to me. I get smiles all around and a few welcome replies, and the tension throughout my body eases as attention is pulled back to John.

As John talks about the group and some upcoming events, I notice a few people eyeing me and I grow uneasy. I jump a bit when I feel Harry’s arm lean on the back of my chair, not quite touching me. When I look over though, he’s simply leaning forward and watching John, flashing me a quick smile before looking back to the man.

“I really want to talk about community building today. Especially since someone new is here, I think that we really ought to talk about what it means to have a strong community in the kink scene.” John sits with this, and Harry faces forward again, his elbow brushing my shoulder when he leans off of my chair.

If I could have, I probably would have watched him the whole time. Harry’s curls looked so soft, and the way he laughed seemed to take up this space - not intrusive, but captivating. Like he just takes up all of your attention; he shines his dimpled smile at you and you can’t look away.

I try to participate in the conversation John leads, but there’s not too much for me to say given that I’ve never had a community to be a part of before. Not even back home in Washington.

Harry nudges me towards the end, when the discussion has branched off into several talks and personal topics.

“Have you been to Fetish yet?” He asks, downing the last of his drink and wiping at his face with a napkin.
I frown a bit, shaking my head.

“That’s the club near here, right?” I ask, trying to remember if I recall correctly the venue John spoke of previously.

“Yeah. It’s a great place. They have an intake day every Monday and they do tours, beginner classes, stuff like that.” I nod, feeling the anxiety start to seep back into my veins thinking of taking that next big step so soon. “I work there if you’d like to take a tour with fewer people.” He finishes quietly.

I can’t help but smile, nervous as ever but definitely eased by the offer.
“That would be really awesome, actually. I have pretty bad anxiety so I’m not great with people.” I shrug, trying to keep the heat off my cheeks.

“I can show you around and if you like it, do the intake for you on Monday if you’re available before noon.” Harry speaks quietly and softly, but there’s a smile sitting on his pink lips.

“This Monday?” I ask. It’s Saturday, and my nerves spike with so little time to prepare myself mentally but it’s better to jump in the pool at once than tiptoe in, right?

Harry just nods, patiently leaning his head onto his hand and resting his elbow on the table.

I look to the pizza I’ve only eaten half of sitting in front of me, and I pull my hands up from my lap to rest the mon the table.

“I think I can do it. Where exactly is it?” When he tells me the address, I frown a bit, trying to mentally calculate the cost of an uber there from my flat.

“If you need a ride, I could take you. If you’d like, you can bring a friend along for the tour, but the intake is private if we get around to that.”
I smile as best I can, and nod.

“That sounds great. I live about fifteen minutes from here, so I would really appreciate the ride.” I say.  Something about the words feels very decisive, final in their weight.

“Of course. I wouldn’t mind showing you around London if you’re looking for something to do. Most Americans never see much of the city, only the touristy shit.” The loud laugh Harry lets out rings in my ears a bit too brightly, and I’m definitely gone for him. His smile is soft whenever he looks at me and I could listen to him talk about anything for the rest of my life.

Obviously, I’m being a bit dramatic, but if this cute boy is going to distract me from the impending implosion of anxiety I'll inevitably be consumed by on Monday - I don’t really care.