Inner Child

VIII

"You cannot heal from the same environment where you got sick." Her therapist makes sense, even if Gang Tae and Sang Tae live in her parent's house that is now full of warmth, doesn't change the fact that all the traumas she has now started from that cursed house.

Moon Young finally decided to sell it, and thinking of building a new simple house near Juri's. She and Gang Tae talked about settling down in Seoul - to just live in her penthouse since he's planning to enroll in a university there but Moon Young doesn't want to.

"Media in Seoul knows where I live. They'll just annoy me. They are toxic."

"But you have me."

"I know. It's just that, I don't feel belong there. And In fact, our family is here. We can breathe and it's peaceful at this place."

"If you want, you can stay at my place of you have class." she suggested

He smile and just nodded. She got a point, living here is more peaceful than Seoul.

"Discomfort is part of healing. So does refusing to heal. And over the time, refusing to heal is more painful."

Most of the time after her therapy, she would feel at ease and after a while specially at night, she would always have a nightmare. It feels like the baggage has been piled up.

Gang Tae keeps awake and hugged her tight so she can fall asleep again. The next day she would feel shitty and decided to threaten her therapist.

"Ms. Ko, healing is not linear. It takes a lot of time and personal effort. It may be exhausting but in the end it will be fulfilling."

Honestly, she feels tired. She thought it was just a waste of time. But Gang Tae kept her going. He was there for her every time.

"Gang Tae, you have seen me at my worst. Now, I want to give you my best. I'm trying my best. I'm getting there. Okay?"

"Take your time. I'm just gonna be here for you. For better or for worst." he said

"Do I need to forgive them?" They are now talking about her parents. She had this courage to open up every single thing her parents did to her.

"Forgiving doesn't mean you are going to drop and forget everything. It's hard to forgive someone who hurt you deep within your soul. You are not obligated to forgive anyone including your parents. As I said, you have to keep the peace in you. It doesn't matter what people think. It is you who felt all the pain, it was you who suffered and still suffering from the traumas they did so you are the only one to decide whether to forgive them for the sake of your peace and not for everyone else. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves."

She's been staring at the mirror infront of the bed for some time. This is probably the most difficult task her therapist gave her.

How could she talk to her wounded child? How could she comfort her? How could she understand her?

"Your wounded child just wanted to be heard, to be seen and understood. She can comprehend everything you are about to say." she remembered what her therapist said

With a shaky breathe, she fix her sit and looks at the mirror reflecting her wounded child, slowly putting her arms around her doing what Gang Tae taught her - the butterfly hug.

She closed her eyes.

"Have a heart to heart talk with your inner child." the voice of her therapist echoed in her mind

With that, she picture her younger self sitting in the dark room alone hugging herself. She bends down at an eye level and observe herself. She was a tiny little girl with sad but hopeful eyes.

"It's me. I know you've suffered for a long time. I-- I just want you to know that nothing that happened was your fault. You didn't deserve everything that you went through. I know you are hurting and scared, I'm sorry you had to experienced all that. I see you and hear you. You might not know how to love and to be loved but now you are loved unconditionally as you are. It is safe to be happy and to love. You are safe now. You did your best and thank you for being so brave. Everything is better now. Things are so different now because there are people who genuinely love us and ready to protect us. I love you. Let's heal together so we can finally move forward and see the beauty in life."

With a smile, she reached for her tiny hands. "You're so warm."

A loud gasped escaped from her as she slowly opened her eyes. A tears fall into her eyes. She taps her shoulders alternately while looking at the mirror.

"That was weird." she thinks but it makes her feel so light. It feels like a knife pierced in her heart has been removed after so many years.

"What are you doing?" Gang Tae speaks as he entered the room

"Hmm. Nothing." she said as she raised her arms. He smile and settle beside her while putting his arms around her.

He noticed her damped cheeks "Did you cry? Di you have another night m--"

"No and Yes."

"What?"

"No nightmares but Yes I cried."

"What happened?"

"Don't worry, it's happy tears."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Gang Tae ah." she whispered, eyes feel heavy from crying. What she did was very exhausting.

"Why?"

"I finally talk to her."

"Who?"

"Me."

"Huh?"

"I finally able to comfort her."

Gang Tae doesn't understand what she's saying. He looks at her sleeping in his chest with a smile on her face.

Healing is a journey and is a way of life.

It shouldn't be rushed or neglected.

Its shouldn't be also forced nor coerced.

It will always start with you and your willingness to be better.

Finished

Thank you for reading! ❤️✨