The sixth sense

Chapter 21

LILI

I decide to skip the rest of my today's classes. I can't make myself go back there and stay in the same classroom with Adam. Instead, I go home earlier and see Pauline and Emma there.
"Lili!" my step-sister exclaims. "You read my text after all! I'm so glad you're here!" she pulls me into her room.
"Where have you been?" Pauline asks. "We were waiting for you to have lunch together. Today's Leo's birthday and he invited everyone to the club!" she adds, excited. "We came home earlier to get ready for the party."
"The party starts at ten but everyone will be there by eleven," Emma says, smiling. "And Pauline needs more time to get dressed and make sure she looks stunning."
Her friend rolls her eyes. "Leo has got an elder brother. And he's an eye candy, by the way."
"Okay, okay, now we know whom you're trying to impress," Emma jokes and adds, smiling broadly, "Wait and see, Lili! No one knows how to seduce a guy better than Pauline does."
"I don't think I've been invited," I say, trying to decline the unspoken invitation.
I would go to the party but knowing Adam would be there too, considering Leo is our classmate, I prefer to ignore it.
"Of course, you've been invited!" Pauline says stubbornly. "Being friends with me has its advantages." She winks at me.
Emma laughs again. "She always gets invitations to everyone's parties and no one ever minds her bringing friends. Besides, Leo's invited all our classmates. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you," she says.
But I still don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to see Adam. It's better if we stay away from each other.
"I don't think she'll join us." Pauline squints her eyes, watching me.
"Lili, it's gonna be fun! Trust me, we know how to have fun," Emma says.
"I think we all need it," her friend adds.
"Yes! We do!" my step-sister agrees. She's been a little weird today, too loud, too noisy, and I feel like there's too much of her everywhere around me.
I look at her, trying to understand the reason for all of the above. "Are you feeling well, Emma?"
"I'm fine!" she responds way too fast. "Everything's great!"
"Okay."
"So, are you going with us?" she asks again. "Please, Lili! Come with us! Adam left us, but you don't need to follow his example." She purses her lips as if offended.
"Why isn't he coming to the party?"
Emma shrugs indifferently. "I don't know. Maybe he's not in the mood."
I feel relieved, knowing he won't be there, and accept the invitation.
"Okay, okay, I'll go with you." It's been a long since I let myself have fun and I really need it.
"Awesome! I'll do your makeup! I need to make a new video for my channel. Let's make a tutorial with you two!"
"I'm in! I love reading comments," Pauline says, pretending she really does. Then she looks at me and adds, "Someone once said my face is disproportionate and no amount of makeup can fix it or cover my big nostrils."
"Seriously? Your big nostrils and proportions?" I repeat, chuckling. Pauline looks like a picture of perfection created by God himself.
Emma laughs again. "I remember that comment. But let's be honest, Pauline, the number of compliments on that video was endless!"
"Well, of course! I'm so beautiful!" she declares, making us laugh some more.
Emma takes a camera holder from under her bed and a circular lamp. "What shall we go for today— fantasy or classics?"
"Fantasy!" Pauline responds with a devilish smile. "Let's tease your mom a little."
"As you wish. Any idea of what you'd like to see on your pretty face?"
"I saw something interesting on Pinterest!" Pauline starts showing Emma the pictures of the makeup she liked.
"These purple smoky eyes will look amazing," Emma says, scrolling down the various pictures. "I'll add a double line above them to complete the look."
"May God help you," Pauline jokes, giving me the phone. "Lili, do you want to find perfect makeup for yourself?"
I shrug, puzzled. Makeup and I have never been besties. "I trust Emma's choice."
My words make her smile happily. "I'll do my best to make you love your makeup!" Her eyes shine with excitement.
The girls set the camera and prepare everything they need for the video. Emma speaks into the camera, explaining the tricks she uses when applying eyeshadows. She talks about lifting the eyelids and making your eyes look bigger. She looks focused and professional. I know she likes her hobby. When Pauline's makeup is ready, they take a few pictures of it.
"Which one shall I use for the video cover?" Emma asks her friend.
"The last one. I look like the hottest bomb in the world in it."
"You need to stop spending so much more on Tinder." Emma chuckles. "You speak just like your admirers from there."
Pauline laughs and I smile too.
"Sit down, Lili. Let's turn you into a spicy chick."
"When was the first time that you did your makeup?" I ask Emma.
She thinks for a moment. "When I was thirteen, I guess. Mom didn't live with us anymore and I spent all my money on cosmetics. At first, my father was surprised to see it all on my vanity table. But then, he started buying me more beauty things. I don't think he knew how to bring up a daughter, so every time I left the bathroom with two purple bruises under my eyes, he said it was beautiful."
It wasn't hard to imagine that. Jerome was most likely too shocked to comment on Emma's makeup. He didn't know what to say or do.
"I wanted to be as beautiful as my mom was," Emma says. "I also wanted to hide from everyone and makeup was a perfect mask to help me with that."
"Which means we need to thank your mom for having a super talented makeup artist in the house," I say, smiling.
Emma looks stunned. "You're so kind, Lili," she says. "Though I still can't figure you out no matter how hard I try. But one thing I know for sure—you have a very kind heart."
"And you're not a mumbler like most kind-hearted people are," Pauline adds to our conversation. She types something on her phone and doesn't look at us.
"No more personal talks! I'm turning the camera on," Emma announces, working her magic on me. Her studying look bothers me a little. I don't know what she's trying to figure out about me. My makeup takes almost an hour. She uses glitter, dark eyeshadows, and small, shining crystals.
"Done and done! Now you may look at your reflection, Lili."
I turn to the mirror and gasp. A stranger's staring at me from the mirror. Dark blue eyeshadows make my eye color pop. Now my eyes look even bigger. The lines made with silver eyeliner and glitter shimmer in the light. Emma added two teardrops under my eyes, with the small crystals in the middle of each.
"Fantastic! It looks fabulous!" Pauline compliments on my makeup. "This is one of the most beautiful makeups I've ever seen!"
"I'm speechless," I whisper. "I don't look like myself."
"That's why I love cosmetics so much!" Emma says, proud of her work. "Come here and give me your best lustful look. I need a cover for the video."
I try my best but fail and the girls start giggling.
"Now I know what I'm going to do for a living!" Paulina says. "I'll be giving masterclasses on selfies for the lost causes like Lili."
She stands and shows a few poses, turning her head and raising her chin; her gaze is focused on the camera.
"You'll need more than one lesson," Pauline says.
"Now, this one rocks!" Emma shows me my best shot.
"I look like a professional supermodel in it." I chuckle.
"Exactly!"
The next thing I know, Emma sends my picture to Adam and I frown, confused. "Did you just send it to Adam?" I ask, nervous.
"Yes. Why? I also sent it to Pauline. I always show Adam my works. Did I do something wrong?"
"No. It's just . . . I was surprised you decided to send him my picture."
Pauline laughs. "Adam receives hundreds of texts with Emma's detailed reports on every step she takes."
Emma doesn't like her comment and punches her side slightly. "Now I need to put on some makeup too. Do you girls know what you're going to wear?"
Pauline is the first one to answer. "Mom just gave my crimson dress to the driver. It should be here in half an hour. Traffic jams are everywhere in the city. Yellow vests hit the bricks again and a good part of the city center is blocked."
"I see. What about you, Lili? Do you have anything to wear tonight?"
"I'll put on the dress Mom bought me for Christmas. It's an Armani dress, decorated with crystals." I force a smile. I still can't believe she sent my picture to Adam . . .
"Show it," Pauline says, curious.
Emma's staring at her phone.
"Adam changed his mind and will join at the party," she announces with a happy smile on her face.
"Adam, Adam, Adam . . ." Pauline mimics her.
Emma mouths for her to shush.
I leave the room, hoping for Adam to stay at home. I wish she never sent him the damn picture at all. Maybe I'm being too self-assured, but I know he changed his mind because of me.
I put on my dress and we call Uber. The girls open a bottle of wine and I drink a glass too. But I'm not going to drink more tonight.
"Lili, your mom has great taste in clothes! The dress is fantastic!" Pauline compliments on my outfit. She's wearing a very short crimson dress that shows off her every curve. But to me, she consists of a pair of endless legs and nothing else.
"I think Leo's brother's in trouble," I say, smiling at her.
"He has no idea what she's up to," Emma adds. She's wearing a cute flower-printed dress and flaps. Her hair is down, crowned with a hairband, decorated with soft pink roses and white snowdrops.
"You look great too," I say to her and received a thankful smile in response.
We come to the club. It's dark outside and I don't know where exactly we are. As if feeling my fear, Emma takes my hand, asking, "Are you okay, Lili? Or was it a bad idea to bring you here?"
"I'm fine," I say firmly, trying to calm her down and persuade myself there's nothing to be scared of. "It's time for me to fix my life and get back to its normal rhyme. I can't sleep with a bedside table on and avoid dark places for the rest of my life."
Emma's look is studying. "Sometimes our fears are stronger than rational thinking." Her voice is weird, a bit sad I would say, and I wonder why.
"It's the first time I'm in a club since the night I was attacked," I say.
Her grip on my hand tightens. "I'm with you now. If you feel uncomfortable or want to go home, just let me know. Okay?"
"Thank you," I say sincerely and let her guide me into the club.
As soon as we walk in, a wave of heat, music, and carelessness hit me. I always loved dancing. Pauline disappears as if by magic and Emma says into my ear, "It's time to hunt!"
"I thought she was kidding!"
Emma giggles. "Never! Pauline is so Pauline!"
"Emma! Lili!" Leo calls us with a happy smile on his lips. "You girls look stunning!"
Emma smiles shyly. "Happy birthday, handsome!" She hugs him.
"I'm still an hour away from my real birthday," he responds, giving her a charming smile.
"You're almost there!" I say and he chuckles, saying something in response. But the music is so loud, I can't make out his words.
"Leo, where's Adam?" Emma shouts through the song. Leo moves to the rhyme and nods to the bar.
Emma takes my hand again and we push through the crowd, heading to where Leo nodded. I stop her midway and start dancing to the song. "Come on, Emma! Move your but!"
She laughs and joins me. Her moves are shy and tensed. She looks around to make sure no one stares at her.
"It's not working like that!" I shout. "You need to dance like no one's watching you!"
"For that, I need a cocktail," she says, laughing. "Let's go find Adam and buy some drinks."
I nod with no desire to follow her. We walk to the bar and I see Adam. He's telling something to the groups of guys gathered around him. They start laughing and I can't take my eyes off him. He's wearing a white shirt with its sleeves pushed up to his elbows. I can see a leather bracelet on his wrist and a red cup in his hand. His moves are relaxed and his smile illuminates his face. His rebellious hair falls on his forehead and he pushes it back with one hand. He looks so free and careless.
As if feeling my stare, he turns his head and our gazes lock. His brown and warm eyes look almost black now. His look is intense, piercing. I'm dying to ask if he remembers our last dance in Italy. We danced, clung to each other and I suddenly licked a line of sweat on his neck. He froze, surprised by my bravery. My hands were all over his body, his all over mine.
His eyes are asking the same questions now; his mind is full of the same memories. His jaw tightens and his grip on the cup tightens too.
"There you are!" Emma shouts, breaking our wordless dialogue. "Buy us something to drink! Two whiskeys with Coke. You'll take one, right, Lili?"
I nod silently, deciding to have one more drink. Barman takes Adam's order and pours two glasses for us.
"Cheers!" Emma shouts, raising her glass. Someone repeats her move and soon, a dozen of glass clang together. Everyone's having fun, laughing non-stop.
I take a sip of my cold drink and go to the dancefloor. There's one huge advantage of being in a club. You can turn your head off and let the music take you away. I put my hand up, move my hips, and shake my head. I'm on a roll. The desire you relax and let everything clutching my heart go is so intense, almost painful. I drain the glass dry and see Pauline walks to me. She catches my rhyme with a joyful smile on her face.
"Good job, Lili! Don't stop!" she shouts, hugging me. "We have all the chances to become the stars of the night!"
"Do you think I'm full of surprises?" I ask with a chuckle.
"They might not be huge, but I like it!"
She takes my hand and spins me around. I laugh. A handsome guy approaches her from the back and catches her by the waist.
"It's the big brother I told you about," she manages to say before he pulls her away.
I can feel Adam's intense look on me but I pretend I don't see him. Dancing goes on. I find myself in a group of girls I don't know and my eyes search the club for Emma. She sits on a small couch, talking about something with Paul. I see the bright lights dance all around the dancefloor and my dress. The lights find their reflection in the small crystals of my dress. I feel the rush of heat inside me and throw my hair over one shoulder. I can feel Adam behind me, then I feel his hard chest pressed against my back and freeze for a moment.
How do I know it's him? I have no idea . . . but I can feel him with every fiber of my body and mind.
His fingers run down my arm, slowly, with no rush. People around us jump and dance, showing something to each other and laughing loudly. We stand in the middle of the crowded club and I can feel every small move he makes behind me. His palm runs up to my neck and he touches it with his fingertips, then moves to my collarbone. I close my eyes and my breathing becomes heavy.
It's wrong. In so many ways.
With those thoughts in my head, I walk away from him, almost running. He follows me. I push through the crowd, hoping to get away from him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Pauline. She laughs, trying to get onto the bar stand. She surely knows how to have fun. I feel Adam's breathing right above me and speed up my pace. The song changes to Not Afraid Anymore by Halsey. I don't know this remix; it's more rhythmical than the original and everyone seems to enjoy it. I go out into the hall, Adam catches my hand and pulls me to his chest.
"Where are you running?" he whispers hoarsely into my ear.
"Where I can't see you," I confess. "The further the better."
He leans closer; my heart's hammering in my chest. His nose touches my cheekbone, inhaling deeply. The move is so intimate; my head starts to spin. I push my fingers into his hair. I've been waiting on doing that since the moment I saw him tonight. His hair is soft and silky. He looks into my eyes; his gaze is focused and serious. His lips are pressed into a thin line. I wonder if he still tastes the same. Is he still magnetic and irresistible? My look falls to his neck; his veins are pulsing rapidly. I put my palm over one of them and trace it with my finger. His skin is wet from sweat and he's tensed. I raise my chin and look him in the eye.
"Are you nervous, Adam?"
His palms slid down my back and all the way to my hips. He squeezes them slightly and presses himself harder into me.
"Are you nervous, Lili?" he asks back.
I throw my head back, drinking in the moment. It feels so indescribably good to touch him in the darkness. So good to be so close to him. So good to feel his touches.
I rise on my tiptoes and press my lips to his. Sometimes it's so hard to control your desires. When your brain shouts, 'Never!' and your heart barks, 'Screw you!'
I keep kissing him and he immediately responds to my kiss. He pushes me against the wall behind me and lifts me up. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer. One of his hands is holding my chin and he's kissing me roughly, hungrily. My palm slips down his back and then under his shirt, touching his hardened muscles. His back tenses beneath my touches and I bite my bottom lip, then catch his tongue and mingle it with mine. He still tastes the same. I kiss his chin; his five o'clock shadow tickles my skin. Then my lips move to his neck. His hands are in my hair and he pulls my face closer to steal another kiss from me. It's deep, hungry, and intense. His hands are all over my body now; his touches are everywhere.
We can kiss forever like this. But suddenly, a small crowd of five people bursts into the hall and we freeze. The realization of what just happened hits me hard. Emma is somewhere here too. She could have seen us.
Adam knows my every thought. "I'll talk to her," he whispers into my ear but I push him away.
"Don't!" I hiss. My body starts shaking.
"Lili, we can't do this anymore!" he's almost screaming.
"You're right, we can't. We should stop seeing each other. We should stop finding excuses to stay alone.
I try to leave, but he won't let me.
"Lili, it won't change anything." His eyes are on me with all the intensity of his look begging me to stay. But I can't . . . I can't even begin to imagine Emma's downfall if Adam decides to tell her about us. I can't stop thinking it will break her heart.
"Stay away from me," I whisper with all the hate I can feel at that moment.
Adam doesn't move.
"It was a mistake. Don't you ever dare to touch me again."
Apparently, something about the look I give him, affects him, finally.
He stares at me hatefully. "Screw you, Lili!"
I run out of the hallway before I change my mind. Before I try to kiss him again. Before I decide to break Emma's heart for my own happiness.
As soon as I walk out into the street, the fresh air hits my face, cooling off my heated skin. A few guys smoke near the entrance. It feels calming. I'm not alone here . . . in the middle of the night. The streetlights illuminate the road. My hands shake when I type Emma a message, telling her I'm on my way home. Then I call Uber and feel another wave of guilt torment me.
I can't look at her, can't talk to her. The feeling of guilt fills me up from within. I get into the car and it takes me to our condo.
It still feels more like her home, not mine. She let me share it with her.
Quietly, I walk into the apartment, trying not to wake anyone. Tears pool in my eyes. The thoughts about the kiss won't let me breathe freely. I wonder if my dad's lover felt the same way when she fell in love with a married man. I walk into my room and fall onto my bed, with my dress still on. The red notebook lies on my bed. I want to tear it into pieces and hit the wall with it. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The memories of the kiss are both painful and pleasurable. His lips were so demanding. His lips were so soft. I take my notebook, turn on the lamp on my bedside table and start wring again. I can't hold back everything that is happening inside me now. I need it out of my system.