𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒 / 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐖𝐒 / 𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐏𝐀𝐖𝐒

𝟏𝟏 - 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬

𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟓𝐭𝐡, 𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟓

You lurched forward with a gasp and clutched the heavy blankets of your four-poster bed. You hated waking up this way; emerging from a nightmare with the feeling that you were falling out of the sky. You felt around just to make sure it was safe before flopping back down against your pillows.

The Black sisters were your roommates once again this year, just like Narcissa so eagerly predicted. Andy's bed was furthest away, then Bella's, then Cissy's right next to yours. You were wedged between the wall and the door furthest from the bathroom. But that was what you deserved for being the last person to the bed claim.

Someone was snoring in the pitch-black room, but you couldn't tell who. The rest of the girls were sound asleep and didn't so much as twitch as you peeled off the covers and felt around the stone floor for your slippers.

It was well past curfew and even the fire in the common room had been snuffed out. Even so, you continued on through the entrance as quietly as possible, not caring who or what might catch you breaking the rules. After the wild and nonsensical dream you just had, you knew that you wouldn't be able to fall back asleep without seeing James.

At the beginning of each term, he gave you the password to the Gryffindor common room so that you could visit whenever you pleased. And you did. Often.

You stepped quickly and quietly up the steep staircase, keeping an ear open for the cat that wandered the corridors at night in search of rule-breaking students.

You only needed to see him, that's all. If he was snoring as loudly as he did at home, you wouldn't even bother waking him. You just needed to know that he was there. That alone would calm you down.

The fat lady blinked down at you from her Grecian portrait. It took a good few years for her to warm up to you, but eventually, after a series of especially bad nightmares in your third year, she did.

"Password, dearie?" She hummed, careful not to rouse the other paintings beside her. The walls of Hogwarts were practically wallpapered with them. You knew that she would probably let you in either way, but you still murmured the password that James had given you under your breath.

"Candied walnuts."

"There you are," she cooed as the hinges behind her frame creaked open to allow you passage. "In you go, lovie."

You stepped through the stone archway and followed the warm yellow light into the Gryffindor common room. Unlike the Slytherin commons, Gryffindor was cozy and had a loud fire still roaring in the hearth. Tapestries were hung from every rafter and the smooth, chalky stones that made up the walls were warm to the touch.

A clap of thunder sounded and you flinched. It was raining hard outside the tall pointed windows. You barely noticed the storm during your ascent. The windows in your dormitory were submerged deep beneath the Black Lake and not many forecasts could be made by looking out into the murky waters.

You moved to approach the stone staircase in the back of the room when you noticed a figure perched underneath the tallest window. "Remy?" You called out, voice betraying you and cracking in the midst of your question.

Remus looked over his shoulder at you and furrowed his brows. His hair was messied and the pale scars that littered his face seemed to mirror the thin spindly branches of lighting flickering across the sky. "(Y/N)?" He sighed, crossing the arms of his baggy sweater. "What are you doing up here? It's late."

"Didn't stop you though, did it?" You observe, coming around to join him at the foot of the window. Remus let out a long, quiet sound that was halfway between a huff and a whine before dropping his head onto yours. Looking out from this new angle, you realized immediately what had him so distressed.

The moon was massive that night, taking up most of the velvet black sky and painting it with milky silver light. It was beautiful...but for all the wrong reasons.

You and the others memorized the moon phases long ago. All of the crescents, quarters and turns of the tide. It was waning gibbous tonight — first one of the month. No more than twenty days until the next full, but you wouldn't know it by how round it appeared and how low and swollen it hung in the night.

"Fair enough," Remus shrugged, subconsciously scrunching up his nose. You knew bits and pieces of his early life, most that you caught on from conversations with James. Practically his whole life he's lived like this; never knowing what it would be like to look into the night sky for fear of what he may find there. It had been that way since the day he turned four.

Your heart ached for him.

Every day you thought about just how lucky they were to have each other – your brother and his idiot friends. People who were willing to undergo so much pain for just a sliver of another one's comfort.

Another clap of lightning quivered the flagstone beneath your feet and Remus' body stiffened beside yours. James wasn't much younger than you when he and the others took to the transformation – the grueling Animagi process that lasted weeks on end, each step more tedious and torturous than the last.

You always felt so useless when the boys took to the tunnels each month to help Remus through his full moon; holed up in your dorm and busy crafting excuses for your professors to explain their absences. 

It never occurred to you until just then that maybe—just maybe—it didn't have to be this way. You could be of more help than you ever dreamed of. More help than they ever realized they needed. If James Potter could survive a few weeks of bitter potions and lengthy rituals, then it certainly couldn't be any match for you, who has long since proven to be unique from the rest of your family in many regards.

Remus cleared his throat above you and the weight of his chin atop your head fell away. "The others haven't gone to bed yet. Prongs is still up doing his homework if you wanted to pop in."

They were used to you wandering into their dormitory at night, padding blindly through the darkness before stopping at the foot of your brother's bed. Remus was especially aware of your presence and his wolf had long since memorized the smell of your weariness – burnt brown sugar and honeyed lemons. But he sensed none of that now. Not since you first wandered through the portrait and spoke to him. 

"No," you replied through a yawn. Whatever nightmare you'd had downstairs had fizzled away, leaving no trace in your sleepy smile. "I think the walk did me good. I think I'll just head back down."

You'd never tell Remus what an impact he made on you that night, nor would he find out for several more nights afterward.

"Oh," he chirped, somewhat disappointed. You were getting older. All of you were. You no longer trailed behind James between classes or begged him to take you to Honeydukes on the weekends before Christmas. 

Remus never realized how much he looked forward to catching you hopping long behind them in your too-long Slytherin robes before it was too late and the only times he ever saw you was from across the Great Hall or in split-second incriments as you passed each other in the halls. You were a mirage. A ghost. And he missed you.

His eyes fluttered between you and the moon, knowing that if he looked away too long, it would just creep back into his dreams the moment he shut his eyes. "Goodnight then."

"Night, Moony," you said with a small wave, already turned back to the door. You had only half-listened to his goodbye – mind racing as you made plans for the following day. If you were going to go through with this, really go through with it, you needed to visit the library. 

(A/N: I wrote the last 5 paragraphs just now and I refuse to edit. I'm tired but I promised someone--YOU--that I would update this tonight. I literally am obsessed with this playlist guys. You have no idea. I'm super deep into marauders tiktok so I'm adding a bunch of characters that I forgot about before starting this book. If you have any obscure characters plz lemme know I love all of them. Ok bye bye!)