The End Of The World, But At Least I Have You||Mark Heathcliff X Cesar Torres

III

He hasn't said a word since we got to the motel.  He sat in the recliner and stared at the ceiling not saying a word. The silence was killing me so I walk over to him sitting on the floor next to the recliner.

"Are you hungry?" I ask putting my hand on his knee attempting to comfort him. He shakes his head. He looks so broken, so sad. It hurts seeing him like this. 

"Thirsty? I can run and grab you something to drink, tea, cof-"

"I'm going to take a walk." He stands up, cutting me off. I stand as well looking down at him. "Alright, do you want me to come along or do you want some space?" I ask just wanting to check on him. 

"I just.. Need to be alone for a little while." He rasps, I nod my head watching him grab his coat walking out of the motel room. 

Cesars POV

Everything feels numb, I feel so empty, so alone. Why does it even matter anymore? Why does anything matter anymore? 

My mom was all I had. She was the only adult who'd ever care. She was the only one who protected me, not like my father cared. Why couldn't it have been him? What did I do to deserve this? 

I'm a good person aren't I? I help people, I pray, I go to church, I do everything everyone said I was supposed to. Yet bad things always happen to those I love and it's all my fault. 

Maybe I am a bad person. Just like he said I was. Maybe this is a punishment from god for all I've done wrong. It should've been me, not my mom. She was so great. She really was a walking angel. She didn't deserve it.

I wander around feeling nothing but dread. Stumbling upon the only place I know I can feel something. I walk inside an empty church. Not a soul inside, yet I walk up and get on my knees. I put my hands together. 

"Heavenly father, may you forgive me-" I mid-way and just breakdown. I can't help it. I don't deserve forgiveness. It's all my fault. 

I feel my hands trembling as I try again. "H-heavenly Father, may you please-" I stop again, I can't. I can't ask for anything. I'm undeserving. I'm so selfish. 

"I'd never thought I'd see a man crying in a place like this."

I don't even look at the person and just restart. "heavenly Father-" 

"Aw, not even a little reaction?" He mocks me.

"Leave me alone! For the love of God!" I stand turning to look at the person. 

"Mm- no I don't think I will. What's a pretty thing, like you doing crying in a shithole like this." 

The nerve of this man. "It's a church. You come to pray. Or are you too incomipent to understand that." I can't help but insult him. 

"Ouch.. I compliment you and you insult me. Mommy didn't teach you any manners." 

I can't control my anger and I smack him. His cheek turned red, a hand print showing. Oh my goodness, I just smacked a stranger, IN CHURCH. 

"I'm sorry I didn't mean t-"

He looks at me in grins. "Wow I was gonna say you were a fighter until you started begging for forgiveness like a dog." The audacity of this man. 

I go to storm out but he grabs my hand. "Hey hey, don't leave, I was just teasing." 

I look at him absolutely pissed. "Come on, pretty boy, teach me how to pray. I need to repent." 

"Why should I?"

"Because you seem like a good person, I mean you don't have to just a thought." He walks away back towards the statue. 

I hesitate. He thinks I'm a good Person? I walk over to him and get on my knees in front of the statue motioning for him to do the same. He copies me by putting his hands together. I get a good look at him. He has dirty blonde hair, and stubble on his face, he's fairly attractive.

"So?" 

"So what?" I respond. 

"How do I start?" 

"You address God."

"Oh uh hey God?" 

"Properly, like 'Heavenly Father, I thank you for all you have provided for myself and those around me'."

He copies exactly what I said. "Then if you'd like just talk, say your sins, ask for forgiveness.“ I look at him again. 

"I don't know if I want to admit all my sins in front of you." He opens his eyes and looks at me. 

"Why not, think of me like a pastor." 

"Are you a pastor?" 

"Not yet." 

He laughs at me. "Of course YOU'D want to be a pastor." 

"What's wrong with that!"

"Nothing nothing." 

He stands up, "yeah I don't think this praying thing is for me. 

I stand as well, "Yeah it isn't for everyone."

He walks over and sits at a pew patting the spot next to him. I walk over and sit with him. 

"So, why were you crying when I came in?"

"I don't want to talk about it, especially not with a complete stranger." 

"Brian." 

"What?" 

"That's my name. What's yours?"

"Cesar."

"Now we aren't strangers."

Marks POV

It's been an hour, I can't help but worry. What if something happened? What if he's hurt? Or worse? I decided to call him despite him saying he needed alone time. He can't blame me for worrying. 

It rings before going to voicemail. 

I panic 

I call again. No response. Why isn't he answering?

I quickly rushed out of the motel to go look for him. I look around for places Cesar might have gone. Maybe he's in a coffee shop? Or park? No. I know where he is. 

I walk to the doors of an old church. I walk inside. "Cesar?" 

He turns and looks at me standing. "Mark? Is everything okay??" I run over to him, hugging him. "Fuck I was worried!  I called you and you didn't answer, it's been a while since you left so I came to look for you." 

He hugs back. "I'm so sorry for worrying you." I hear someone clear their throat. A man stands up from the same pew Cesar was also sitting at. 

"I should get going, it was nice talking to you Cesar. I'll see you around, pretty boy." He smiles at him before walking out. Pretty boy?  

"Whose that?" I ask. 

"Brian, I was talking to him about stuff."

"Oh. Okay.“ I say in a bit of a bitter tone. It's not that I'm against Cesar talking to people. But pretty boy? Sometimes I really do forget him and I aren't a couple. I still can't help but get a little jealous. 

"Let's get back to the motel , it's getting late."

"Yeah alright." He grabs my hand. All the jealousy instantly melts away. I gently squeeze his hand as we walk out together. Hand in hand.