CJA + ALC

Chapter 5

I sit on the couch with the TV playing. It's almost four in the morning and CJ hasn't come home yet, he hasn't answered my calls, or my texts. I've been worried sick, literally, I couldn't eat because the worry for CJ made my stomach ache.

I've been slipping in and out of sleep, my mind is foggy, my eyes unfocused. I stand up and move to the kitchen, sitting at one of the bar stools. I put my head into my hands, my head full of anxious thoughts about CJ.

What if he's dead? What if he was kidnapped? This is such a big city! He hasn't answered a single text or call! Why did he run away? Where did he go? Oh god... What if he's drunk? How is he planning on getting home if he's drunk? Did he go to someone's house? Why hasn't he answered my texts or calls? Goddammit! This is affecting me more than it should!

I slam my hands against the counter and jump off the stool. I begin to pace back and forth, moving between the kitchen and the living room. I sit on the couch only to stand back up a few moments later, moving into the hallway and up the stairs to my room. I pick up the book I was reading and walk back to the living room.

I try to read, my eyes scanning over the book, unable to focus on the words. I slam the book down on the coffee table and stand up again, running my hands through my hair and making a fist.

Where the hell is he? It's almost four thirty in the morning!

The opening of the door breaks me out of my thoughts. Foot steps in the front hall coming closer to the living room.

"Ash... Ashley!, I've fucked up big time!" CJ calls out. I jump off the couch and wrap a blanket around me, walking toward CJ. He looks so broken, eyes trailing on the floor, slumped shoulders, shuffling feet. "I've messed up so bad..."

"Yeah, you kinda did," I say, his eyes jump up to me, traces of fear and desperation in them. "Ash's staying at a friends house tonight, she said that we need to talk." CJ nods in agreement, pushing his glasses into his hair and rubbing his face.

"L-look, I'm so sorry for what happened back at IHOP, I just... there's no excuse for this, and I'm sorry, Could we please forget that it ever happened?"

"No. No, I can't forget this, CJ," I shake my head, the scene from the restaurant replaying in my head.

Tears start to flow out of his eyes."Ansel, please-"

"I can't forget my best friend practically telling me that he loves me! I can't forget that, CJ!" I'm yelling now. "I don't want to!" CJ looks at me in shock. "I was worried sick over you! You ran off into this city that I have no knowledge of! I had no clue where you were, or who you were with! You didn't answer my texts or calls, you could have been dead CJ and I would have no clue." I'm crying now, the blanket has dropped to the floor and I'm waving my hands around frantically. "You left me! You left me in a city that's unknown to me! You didn't stay with me, less than 48 hours! That's how long I've been here, and you've left me already! I would have told you that I felt the same way about you  if you had stayed, you fucking idiot!"

"I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't thinking. I was scared of rejection. I didn't think!" He begins to yell back. "I didn't know that you felt the same way, Ansel, or I wouldn't have ran away!"

"You didn't even stay long enough to find out!"

"No, I didn't, and it was a stupid mistake, okay? I'm sorry that I made you worry, I wasn't thinking!"

"You were being a fucking idiot! I haven't eaten since we were at the restaurant! I've been sick to my stomach with worry! I didn't know what you were doing, for all I knew you could have jumped off a bridge! Or you could have been killed by someone else, kidnapped, raped, I had no clue where you were CJ. You could have answered one text to tell me that you were okay. One text would have been all I would need to calm down, but I didn't get shit from you!" I'm shaking with anger and frustration, all I want is a hug. I rush toward him and wrap him in my arms. "I was so fucking worried that I had lost you." His head rests on my chest as he stands wrapped in my arms.