Ravaged // h.s. au

2.

Louis

 

It was all moving too fast, but it seemed like we weren't.

The world was moving in its normal pace, walking right past us, not minding our inability to keep up, the tiredness that had settled deep into our souls, it had become a part of our being. It didn't care, it couldn't see, after all, the world didn't know Harry, it didn't mind him, and he didn't mind it anymore either.

It was silent, like neither of us knew what to say to the other. It had all been said before; every word that was meant to hold him together, every plea for him to not give in, to not lose himself to all that had been storming within him. I remembered, all the yelling and the screaming and the fighting, for someone that I only now realized was long gone. I sat by him, and I knew this wasn't Harry.

This never would have been Harry.

Harry would have been disgusted of that person.

He would have felt for him, if he could feel anything at all.

He would have urged him on, but deep down, he'd think of him as nothing more than a weak spirit that got shredded to pieces by life.

Harry wouldn't have liked the person he had become, if there was anything left in him that was able to detect that, and process it.

But his mind had been stuck on losing her, ever since we got that call.

I could almost see the thoughts racing through his head, screaming at him, that he had failed her, that he had ruined her, that he had aided in life's master plan to slowly and painfully terminate her. I could see him occasionally wincing, squeezing his eyes shut, before ordering another drink.

I would have felt sorry for him.

I wanted to feel sorry for him, but instead, all I felt was complete and utter loathing towards that person that seemed to have taken my best friend away.  

I put the glass to my lips, allowing the bitter taste to burn my throat, before I signaled for another one.

" We had to hire someone new today."

" Can't say I didn't see that coming."

" Zayn is making me partner up with her."

" Oh so it's a her?"

" It is. It looks like she's good too."

I tried.

I tried, so goddamn hard to not lose it on him, to not hit him on the head until it fell to its right place again, to not scream at him, for being so unresponsive and nonchalant.

But the fight had completely faded away from him, and his body slacked at all times, and I couldn't take it.

I couldn't watch yet another part of him disappearing among the persistent deformations he had endured.

I stood to my feet, devouring the last of my drink, before pushing the empty glass away. I put a hand into my pocket, retrieving enough money to pay for my drinks, when he finally spoke up.

" I got it." He whispered, but his words were immediately drowned by yet another drink. I could feel the rage coursing through me, my hands fisting, as I struggled to keep them by my side.

" No, you know what, forget it, Harry." I put the money on the table, but his hand held mine. I looked down to see my hand shaking against his weakening grip, and I found myself hating him more, for how he allowed his weakness to take its toll on his body. His wrist was thinner than I had remembered it to be, purple veins protruding beneath his pale skin, cuts and bruises scattered all over, the only indication of any fight left in him. I pulled away, gritting my teeth, attempting to swallow my irrational, brutal, words.

" Just let me do this." He weakly pleaded.

He seemed to do everything weakly.

Another wave of pure hatred coursed through me, overshadowing all else.

" Why? What fucking difference will that make? Is that honestly how you value yourself nowadays; with a fucking drink? You were worth more than that, Harry, Goddammit, I don't-" I ran a hand through my hair and it felt like the only thing keeping me sane. He stared at me, his eyes unreadable, void. Then he looked down upon his drink, and for a mere moment, I thought he contemplated letting it go.

But he didn't.

He couldn't.

And I couldn't help but hate him for that too.

" Fine then, you can go if you'd like." He said, the glass barely departing his lips. And just like that, I snapped. I took that glass and threw it against the wall, holding him by the collar of his jacket, my hand colliding with his face, his whole figure, although larger than my own, trembling under the impact of my fury.

" Come on, you worthless son of a bitch, fight! Fight, Harry, dammit!" I yelled and I screamed and I hit until I couldn't anymore. My hits were ruthless, my hands merciless, my kicks needy for the sound of breaking bones. Blood slowly covered his face, his left eye almost disappearing fully under the swollen, purple bruise forming, as he tilted his head away from me, spitting some of his blood onto the ground, before redirecting his gaze towards me, almost as if desperate for more.

Looking at him now, bloodied, bruised, and broken, in ways I couldn't begin to understand, I realized that he'd rather feel that pain, than nothing at all.

He'd rather die, than fight any further.

For himself, or for anyone else, it didn't matter.

He had abstained life, and all that remotely related to it.

My chest was heaving, hands aching with the urge to hit him, just one more time, maybe it would work, but that would be the one to bring him back.

And I felt the overwhelming urge to cry.

For him; what he had become, what he once was.

For her; for losing the man who had fulfilled every aspect of her life.

For myself, and all the others, for losing someone, so incredibly important to our mere existence.

I wanted to cry, and I knew I couldn't. So, I put his arm over my shoulder, barely lifting his weight off the ground, as I guided us both out of that bar, away from people's curious stares. He was almost slipping into unconsciousness, I could tell from his increasing weight, and the heaviness of his feet that crawled behind us.  

" I'll get you to a hospital and then that's it. I'm done, Harry. I'm just..... fucking done."

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A/N: hey guys, missed me?

I missed this too, but I had a proper writer's block, and even now, I'm not all that sure about this chapter, but it's the best I could do under the circumstances, so let me know what you think please :)

ily x