ImPerfect

Chapter 1

Alone. I feel alone. I am alone, and I always will be. Ironic how my biggest fear is being alone, being abandoned. The feeling of loneliness, of being unwanted. Not knowing what love or affection is. What it's like to have people care for you. To have people want you; to choose you.

Affection. Something everyone craves to have. To be loved and cared for. Children especially long for the love and affection of their parents, specifically their mother. Unlike my sister, I faced rejection. I was unwanted by my mother. No, she didn't abandon me, but she might as well have. My sister was the perfect child adored by all, while I was a mistake, a burden.

I grew up not knowing any affection. Not knowing what it is like to have a dad. My dad abandoned my mother once she got pregnant her senior year of high school, and for that she despised me. I am an exact replica of my father, or so she says. My sister and I have never met, or even seen our dad. Our mom wanted nothing to do with him, or me for that matter. She always resented me, resented my existence. She made me feel like I was a mistake, even though I did nothing wrong. I didn't understand how my own mother would reject me in such a way.

Not only did I grow up not knowing affection but also believing that I was not going to ever be enough for my mother. All I wanted was to be loved, but that was never going to happen. My mother made me believe that I was unlovable. That I was someone not worthy of love.

Our mom made us believe that it was my fault that our father had left, and for a while I believed her too. I let her put the blame on me because I thought that way she would love me. I was so young and naive that I let myself suffer. I wasn't in the wrong, she was. She shouldn't have taken her anger at my father out on me. I did nothing wrong and I know that now. I just wish I didn't lose myself before finally being able to open my eyes.

Due to my mothers mental abuse I became just like the person I never thought I would be. I became like my mother. I started drinking, smoking, taking drugs, being reckless, and cutting myself. I never wanted to be like my mother. I didn't want to be an addict but unlike what she told me, she actually did this to me. She made me this way and I hate it. I hate that I let her have so much power over my life.

It doesn't matter anymore though because this is the type of person I am. I am Isabella Russo, the imperfect child.