sex therapist

the first appointment

Exhausted, that's how you felt.

Never did you think it would be so physically draining to hide the fact you're going to be seeing someone about your stupid fucking sex life. The weeks went by crazy fast, in fact far too fast for your liking. Your anxiety creeping higher almost ready to bubble over the invisible edge as the appointment day approaches. You submerge yourself in a sea of tasks, diving nose first into them in order to take all these overwhelming thoughts off the upcoming appointment with this - in Ryujin's words 'Sexy time fixer.' paired with two awful winks.

Hyunjin the literal Angel that haunts your mind became worried for both your physical and mental state, concerned that you're overworking yourself harder than what your poor body could handle. Even the smallest physical symptom of; deep dark circles around your eyes half lidded tired eyes is enough evidence that you were in need of him to treat you like a fragile doll that could be broken with the slightest thing. He'd make sure there was warm baths, overflowing with bubbles and sweet smelling candles ready for you coming home and that your dinner was ready by the time you got out. It didn't help the guilt at all, just proving further how good of a person he is to you compared to the monster you are yourself, and further creating more heartache inside your poor chest.

It probably didn't help that you avoided getting sexually physical with him altogether. The guilt weighing too heavily on your shoulders over this appointmen, to give him anything more than a sloppy half-assed make out session. Leaving him hot, hard and sexually frustrated each time, his only relief consisting of cold showers and his own two pretty hands to wrap around his aching cock. However even then you never heard any complaints from him, not even one.

You still haven't told Hyunjin anything about this clinic either, you knew deep down you were being silly, really but you kept telling yourself to wait for the right time. As if that would come.

You told yourself that you'd go alone to this first appointment... just to get a taste of what it was like, and to see if it's any good, then in hopes you'd break it in gently to Hyunjin and hopes that he'd come with you.

A deep heavy sigh escapes past your dry chapped lips as you lift a hand to roughly rub your face as if to rub the stress and thoughts away. It did not work. Your body only tenses as you suddenly remember where you are right now,  cursing at yourself for getting so lost in your own mind as your leg bounces up and down wildly. Butterflies practically flip your stomach around like it's a punching bag, as your palms begin to sweat.

Every medical place looks the same, painted with painfully boring blank white walls that make your eyes sting; uncomfortable wooden chairs that make your fucking ass numb; the somehow loud clock with ticks that echos through of the whole place, the sounds mind numbingly drilling into everyone's brains. The only thing different that you've found about a sex clinic is all these advertised posters about using protection, pregnancy, and pleasure. Everything else however, was the same.

Tick...tick...tick...

You lick your lips. The time goes by too slow. You hate it.

Tick...tick...tick...

You sigh as you re-position yourself in hopes to gain feeing in your ass for what felt like the fiftieth time since walking in and being dismissed to sit. Pulling your phone out of your pocket as you scroll though your dry socials, hoping, practically silently praying for anything to grab your focus and pass the time.

You huff. Fucking nothing. Where's Ryujin when you need her? Finding yourself suddenly missing her overly chatty personality. You slide the device back into your pocket tilting your head back, leaning it against the wall. Your heart flutters in your chest as the feeling of anxiety run through your body in harsh waves. Your fingers shakily begin to subconsciously play with your ring mindlessly, focusing on keeping yourself grounded as you nerves creep higher and higher.