Love & War

War of Words

"Umm..."

"What?"

"I..." I wasn't sure what to say. Jasper was sweet and gentlemanly and oh, so cute. He had that something about him that just made me feel like the butterflies in my stomach had babies (wow, that was a weird figure of speech). Although I'd seen visions of us doing things that would've made me blush scarlet back when I had blood, interacting with him brought me back to the feeling of a schoolgirl crush. Plus, there was that feeling of his that he shared with me, somehow more precious than words because they went unsaid. Anyways, all that to say, why was I stuttering like a moron when faced with going into his house?

"We could go somewhere else if you prefer." He sounded so concerned for my wellbeing. 

"It's good. Great. Awesome. I'm... gonna stop talking now." I giggled nervously. Ugh. I sounded like Lizzie McGuire, and Hillary Duff wasn't even born yet.

He chuckled, and opened the door for me.

I walked in, and he followed close behind me. I felt an intense longing, and wondered what was happening to make him feel so strongly. It was weird. I was longing for... myself? No. He was longing for... oh.

.

.

.

I admire his self-control. He had yet to touch me at all, other than to hold my hand and lead me here.

Trying to distract myself from wondering how much of the longing feeling was mine, and how much was his, I looked around at the house. It was a small brick house with three and a half rooms, the kitchen/living room, the bedroom, and the bathroom. It occured to me that the bedroom probably just came with the house. It wasn't used. Unless... No. Vampires have soulmates, and Jasper and I were. He was too gentlemanly to sleep around (or... you get what I mean). I tried to squash my suspicions. I'd already seen that we were each other's firsts. But that wasn't important right then.

Anyways, it had light wood floors, dark grey walls, a leather couch, a small TV, a large bookshelf stacked with the classics, glass cabinets with black trim, opal countertops, and a small wooden table. Very western-meets-2000's modern. I wondered how he'd gotten his modernized kitchen. I also wondered what he even used the kitchen for.

I walked towards the refrigerator, wondering why he would bother paying to keep it on when he had no food to keep cold. Curiosity had me moving forward, reaching to open the doors. I suddenly felt a wave of guilt and depression, strong enough to knock me to the ground. I fell on my knees in front of the appliance, trying to catch my breath.

In seconds, Jasper was there, gingerly touching my arm and sending calm, happy feelings through me. I felt much better, but I couldn't forget that horrible guilty feeling. I wondered what had happened to make him feel that depressed.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to. Are you okay?"

I was fine. I wanted to know if he was okay. I had only felt a taste of what he was feeling. I crawled into his lap and hugged him. It was almost comical how much smaller I was than him. I felt like a child in her father's arms. I probably would have laughed, but that feeling of longing from earlier was back, stronger than before, so much so that it almost hurt. I got off of him, and the feeling lessened slightly.

"Why do you feel like that?" I asked, my voice quiet and tender.

He sighed, and reached for the handle of the fridge. "I can feel the feelin's of others." He explained, opening the appliance. "So, I can feel the emotions of my prey."

Oh. Humans. 

The refrigerator was full of blood. The blood that doctors used for transfusions and stuff. "I was feelin' fear and anguish and pain from all of my victims, which made me... perpetually unhappy." I nodded in understanding. "I tried to starve myself, but eventually a human would just come too close and I would snap." I wasn't sure who I felt worse for, the unsuspecting human or Jasper. "So, this was the only solution I could think of. Except... it tastes stale, and sometimes just makes me even more thirsty for fresh... blood." 

I got up off the floor. "Come on. I wanna show you something."

He stood up, and I grabbed his hand, speeding off and pulling him along. I tried to ignore the longing as I felt around for a predator. Finally, I caught the scent of a lynx up ahead. Actually, two lynxes. Perfect.

I could see, as I decided which direction to go from, that we would get them both. Jasper would see me pounce on one, and immediately understand. Excellent. Oh. The two lynxes would be mating when we caught them. That's... nevermind. It's fine. It's food.

I broke through the trees into the little clearing, immediately jumping on top of the male, who was on top of the female... nevermind. I sank my teeth into his neck, and, out of the corner of my eye, saw Jasper doing the same to the female. I drank my fill, satisfied by the predator as I could only be because I wasn't used to humans.

When we were finished, I walked over to Jasper. "What did you think?"

"Not as satisfyin' as a person, but it feels a lot better emotionally."

I smiled. 

"Alright, should we head back now? We... well, we don't really need to sleep. Or rest. Or..."

I could tell he was trying to come up with a reason other than the one he had in mind for us to go back to the house. I hoped his idea was the same as mine. I couldn't really see anything, for which I was kind of grateful. I liked not knowing. I like a surprise. "Yeah, let's go back." I agreed.

We ran back together, and both landed on his couch. I giggled, and he stared at me. I felt another not-my-own feeling, but I couldn't give it a name. Admiration? Attraction? Want (hey, that one doesn't begin with A)? None of those were exactly right.

I looked back at him, and noticed something I couldn't believe I'd missed before. His scars. They were everywhere. I could see them all over his hands, up his neck, on his face. I was sure there were more on his arms and other places, just covered up by his clothes. I crawled closer to him on the couch, and gently tugged his sleeve up. As I had predicted (with just logic, no vampire powers involved), there were more on his arm. I traced a particularly visible scar on the inside of his forearm with my finger.

"What happened?"

"I- um. Well..." It was hard for him to talk about.

"You don't have to tell me if it's too hard." I said.

"No. I'm okay." He took a deep breath. "When I was seventeen, I persuaded the draft official to let me into the military early. Within two years, I was the youngest Confederate Major in Texas." He looked proud, but then his eyes fell. "We were in a town, and I came across three women. They had pale skin and red eyes. I didn't know it, but they were vampires. The leader, Maria, changed me. She was buildin' an army of newborn vampires to help her gain territory in the vampire wars. I became her head of command, because of my powers. I made friends with another newborn vampire named Peter. He became my second in command. But he fell in love with a vampire named Charlotte. When Maria told me to destroy Charlotte (she was always destroyin' the newborns after about two years) Anyways, I told Charlotte and Peter to run away, and they did. Maria got really mad, and I followed them soon after. These scars are from all of the vampires who got in my way along that journey."

I marveled at the scars in a new way now. These were probably from hundreds of different vampires, and he had killed more than that number.

"I can't remember a thing about my life before I became a vampire. My earliest memory is waking up in a forest, surrounded by green trees, with no idea how I got there. I guess the vampire that made me just abandoned me or something. When I started having visions, I thought I was crazy. But eventually my visions explained themselves, and I was able to figure out a lot of things on my own. The most recurring vision was of the diner, but in each vision it was slightly different. The stuff that actually happened wasn't anywhere close to anything I had seen before. The second most recurring was of the Cullens, and that one is always the same. It's gonna happen very soon. Anyways, my journey wasn't nearly as exciting as yours was, and I don't have any cool scars. I'm not saying I'd like to be in your position or anything, though,  I just-"

I was interrupted from my ranting by the most surprising thing ever. Well, maybe not ever, but I was surprised.

Jasper

Kissed

Me

Thank You Alice_-_-Cullen for being awesome, enjoying my fanfic, and writing amazing stories.