My Story Journal

My mobility is getting worse

I'm writing this way past when I would go to bed, but I feel like I need to put a bit of an update in here after my rant in the last chapter. I did manage to go to that appointment and get through it. But, there's nothing else that doctor can do for me so now it's time to get a Rheumatologist and a new Primary care because my old one doesn't do her job. Only problem is since then I have been slowly and at the same time not so slowly been losing my mobility. I'm living off ibuprofen and 4% lidocaine gel that doesn't do jack shit. I have to leave school early at least once a week and sometimes I then have to stay home further. Getting up is becoming increasingly harder. The only way I can see this getting better is to get a wheelchair because even the slightest ramp is so hard for me to get up without excruciating pain in my hips, back, and one or both of my knees. The only problem is I'm broke, and this time not in the physical sense. I'm trying to get a job but it's hard when you can only stand for so long and qualify as disabled by the ADA definition. My senior trip is in a week and I'm terrified of not being able to move because I'm in so much pain. My mother, who generally understands, is sending me with extra money in case I need to rent a chair. But that won't help me when I get back. I'm debating genuinely asking her to buy me one at some point before I leave. Where am I leaving you may be asking? I am possibly going to Arizona for the summer. Which, driving there will be the most adult thing I've ever done in my life. But either way, I'm suffering currently and I can't see an end to it without a wheelchair. If asking my mother falls through and I really can't find a job, I may have to try crowdfunding and because I have a very small following, I don't know how that would work out. I feel so alone and like I won't be able to find anyone who will put up with my health issues and love me for me. My life seems to only be going downhill at this point.

Thank you for reading all of this if you have, it means a lot that you would let me rant to you all. Thank you for your lovely comments and support as I've grown from the fully able bodied sixth or seventh grader to a fully grown highschool senior about to graduate. Thank you all for the support. It means more than you could ever know.