The Words That Made Me

68

1

I remember the day I met him, 

2

it was the first day of 6th grade, 

3

he seemed like a nice person. I figured we would be friends.

4

I was right, we went canoing on the river behind his house. 

5

We played ping pong in his basement, 

6

we camped out in tents in his backyard.

7

I could feel myself falling for him 

8

I was really scared, at first

9

I was so young and  I didn't understand how any of that worked at that age

10

I just knew that he was cute, and I liked the way his hand felt as it held mine

11

I liked the way my name sounded coming from his mouth

12

I liked the look in his eyes when he laughed.

13

I was 13,  he told me it was okay, that everyone was doing it

14

he told me that it wasn't cheating on his girlfriend because it was "differen't plumbing"

15 

I told him I didn't want to

16

He told me that if I didn't he would tell everyone I had a crush on him 

17

I did not like the feeling of his hands as they pinned my wrists to the ground

18 

when I pictured our first kiss it did not look like this

19

I did think I would cry but I did not think this would be the reason for the tears. I imagined I would be happy, I thought I would be excited, I dreamt I would want it

20 

it was a nightmare as the tears rolled down my face and his tonge forced its way between my lips.

21

I don't want to be here

22 

we were camping in his back yard this is supposed to be fun and I am not having fun

23

I did not like the look in his eyes as he laughed and slid my pants down, he said he liked the way I looked in the moonlight. He said he liked the way my body looked in the moonlight 

24

It is no longer my body, he told me that I was his and that he would protect me, but he is the one I needed to be protected from

25

I should have listened to my mom, I should've stayed at home and watched a movie with my sister or played a game with my brother

26 

he is on top of me laughing and smiling like this is a game to him but I am not playing the game and if I did play the game I am surely loosing