Smoke ||Book Two||

Chapter Four

By the time he returned to the stable, Lilac was more than ready to leave. He mumbled his apologies for keeping her waiting and finally set out away from his home. A glance over his shoulder proved that Amber and Sophia were both waving him off. He wondered if they were anxious over this new development; he knew he was.

As Lilac began to gallop towards the forest towards Adessa, Nix let his mind wander again. The scenery did little to comfort him, but at least it was different from his home. Change, although intense and frightening, would be good.

The sun beat down on his back, snippets of light appearing as the shadows of the trees covered him. Summer was upon them and the world certainly showed it. The greenery that grew along the sides of the manmade paths was blooming with new life of all kinds. Birds sang overhead, though Nix hardly focused on them, and the gentle breeze carried their tune further into the forest.

While time had partially healed him, places that carried memories were the hardest. He hadn't been to Adessa in years, forcing him to recall how it just seemed like yesterday when he and Cassandra had traveled. How foolish he had been back then, to think that he was still going to kill her. As the years aged and matured him, Nix reflected on his time spent with her. Of course he had realized her last week alive that what he felt was love, but the feeling stretched beyond that. It was their time traveling to Adessa and back that the feeling had first started; when he had first fallen in love. How silly it was to remember how determined he was to end her life at that point, when he had already succumbed to be hers.

Sometimes, the memories were comforting. They reminded him of how he had been saved by her and how he had been blessed with happiness for the months he had been by her side; happiness that he wondered if he deserved. Blood weighed heavily on his mind and hands. They were stained and there was nothing he could do to wash it away. More than anything, the mourning and loneliness he faced often felt more along the lines of what he thought he deserved. It made perfect sense to him.

Nix had killed hundreds. During that time, he hadn't been close to anyone. Even if Roman would have died while Nix served under him, he wouldn't have cared. He had no attachments; no one to care for or grieve after. He could remember the men that had served beneath him dying during missions or in battle. While he attended all of their services, he couldn't remember crying for them. To him, it had just been another price to pay for their eventual victory.

Giving him time with Cassandra had been a blessing and a curse. For the first time in his life, he had formed an attachment that was unbreakable. Through her, he felt love, friendship, and kindness. He finally understood what he had been missing his entire life and suddenly knew how awful it felt to be without it. Taking Cassandra away was his personal Hell that he dealt with every day. It had been his ultimate punishment.

He spared a glance to those that were passing by, ignoring their intense stares. Nix enjoyed the confusion that filled their expressions as they took him in, knowing that he was a walking paradox. Given the world that he had grown in, he could never shake the Phaepyr look off of him. His eyes still shimmered grey and his hair had become even blacker than before now that it was longer. David had tried to offer him different clothes before that ranged in colors and fabrics, but Nix preferred to keep what he was used to. Despite the intimidating appearance, he was completely in the open and on his own. Normally, Phaepyr soldiers and citizens traveled in groups and moved through the shadows so as to not be seen. They were people of the night.

The people of Luxtene had long come to understand his peculiar situation and most of them had accepted him once they learned of his abandonment towards Phaepyr. He briefly wondered if Adessa citizens would do the same, but hoping Deletrear's magic still worked then they wouldn't have the time to question it.