the middle of the night

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The sounds keeps me awake
My eyes swollen and red
Its deafening
The moment I close my eyes it's back
Like a soul haunting a place
It's growing every day
Louder than yesterday
Stronger than previous days
Giving me a throbbing headache everyday
The whispers stretching my soul on a tree with solo stems
Ripping my soul apart like silk pulled from sharp needles

My ears hurt
My body is numb
My mind is exhausted
The same thoughts every night
The nightmares with lights on
I'm tied from strong ropes
My body is helpless
I'm stuck but no one can see
I keep zoning out
Other words seem like letters swarming in air
Forming meaningless sentences
I'm present but long gone from the picture

You are all that comes in my mind
You might be laughing the loudest right now
Or having your favorite drink
Sitting at the edge of your balcony looking down at the street lights how they light up empty roads
Or you might be half asleep drooling
Tired from all the work
Getting energy for the next day
Or you might be awake
Thinking just like me about someone you're after now
Loving how she looks and talks just how you used to think about me

Was loving you that big of a sin
Is this what I get to suffer
Only for loving a person so purely
Is that what I am worthy of
Is this who I am supposed to be
A body without a soul
A body without emotions
A body without a will
Only for the person who betrayed me but I still kept waiting on his door
Hoping that one day he might hear the ting tong and open his door
Again

I don't want to question anything
What happened happened
What's done is done
It is what it is
Can't join the broken pieces back into a beautiful vase
I just beg for one thing
If I don't love you anymore
If I don't need you anymore
If you don't have a place in my heart anymore
Then why are you still stuck in my brain
Why don't you leave me alone
Why does my head feels dizzy
Filled with your thoughts
Do you like keeping me awake
Thinking about your brutality or
How easily you managed to unlove me
How easy was it for you to look me in the eye and pretend
Pretend that I was not there
Pretend that I was a nobody
Pretend that I was a stranger

Therefore , I demand if not now
Then when
When will you leave
Completely
For once and all
I need the loneliness to consume me why are you still here ?
Bring me back my peaceful sleep
My sane mind
I beg you
Please

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⏰ Last updated: May 06, 2022 ⏰

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