Wide Awake

Here a moment, gone the next

It was like running through the meadows. Her hands held mine as we ran through the wild flowers. Giggles ever so often and her eyes smiled at me whenever they met mine. A glistening glow that shown as the sun met her golden locks. She smelled of lavender and a hint of vanilla, her hair mostly. Her skin soft and smooth as it brushed against mine. We lay against the grass as the morning sun started to set. Her lips curved into a smile as she slowly wrapped her arms around my waist and nuzzled into my chest. "I like the sound of your heart. Comforting it is"

"Is it?"

She nodded. "It means you're alive and well and with me."

Alive and well and with me, she said.

A gush of wind and she's gone.

My heart's still beating but where is she?

Panic, heart-ache, worry. I rush that I never experienced. Where is she?

"I'm here, love." She's not.

The flowers withered and turned brown. They're dying, maybe dead. Clutching onto my chest, I ran through the meadow. My heart hurts. What's happening? Why is it like this?

"I'm right here. I'm with you, darling." You're not. You're not here. You're nowhere here. Why do I keep hearing your voice even though you're not here?

Hallucination? Or maybe you say you're here but you're really not?

"I'm always here." But you're not...

I blink back tears. She's here, she's always here. My heart's still beating so she's here. She said she'll be here as long as my heart beat...

"I'm right here! I'm always here!"

No, you're not! You're not here! You left! You left me!

Helplessness was what surrounded me as I sat there, wondering where it all went wrong. Tears were meaningless at this point and so were the calls. Her voice rung in my ears, so familiar that it didn't leave but she herself did. Voices never do and her subtle touch crept up on my skin, leaving shivers behind.

"I love you" was a lie and a whisper that into the air. I never wanted it like that. It was here a moment, gone the next....