empty bed - an lgbtq+ story

- Prologue -

       - Now Playing: Strawberry Blonde ~ Mitski -

I think she's cool. Although I can't remember the
exact moment, I know that the moment I met her she, she changed something in me. She awoke this fucking spark that I wasn't trained to use. I'm talking about Ivanka Lindsay, my first enemy, my first kiss, my first best-friend, and now has officially made me apart of my first high-school clique. I hate that term. What is a clique if nobody's really friends. My name is Giulia Jade Mattingly, and I've lived in the closet my whole life. Well, technically, a few people know. Like Ivanka, and my sister, but eventually within a month of the event that forced me out, I've stated that it was just a phase, or I was on my period. That has always gotten me some major relatability points. I've scored some 'Oh I've been there!'s, and some 'Oh well's.. and they've always believed me. It's always been that easy. I don't personally think that Ivanka actually likes me as a friend, I don't think she actually likes anyone as a friend. If I want something out of her, even like a conversation or some gossip, I have to give her something in return because clearly she can't help but have the need to be equal or above  anyone else at all times. Like one time, last fall, I needed to know if she would be able to make it to my 15th birthday party, which was a gigantic party in an abandoned hotel, and if she would bring anyone. Instead of giving me a proper answer she replied with, "I'll show up, IF for my 16th birthday you promise to provide all food and drinks (including alcohol)" I didn't know where to find alcohol, or how I'd afford it. I wanted to say no but, in all honesty, if she didn't attend my party nobody would. She attracts people, and I, an artsy gay hidden under the mask of a preppy and athletic female, do not.  The truth is I pretend to love things like shopping, makeup, volleyball, the mall, tennis, sex and cheerleading. But if you asked me what I really loved, this is what I'd say, but only if I knew you outside of school. Writing and Reading on Ao3, Piano, Vlogging, Making original music, Reptiles, Painting and Musicals. But nobody that goes to the school that I currently reside at knows that.

          I have 4 younger sisters. Their names are Olivia, Addy, Laura and Piper. I'd say I'm the closest with Olivia, but only because we're the closest in age. Olivia is 13 and is currently two grades below me. I love Addy and Laura but I don't confide in them much because they're old enough to confide in each other. They're twins, and I'd say if I had a friend I was forced to love and hangout with at 9 years old I wouldn't be where I was now. And now, finally, Piper. Piper is 3 and is sort of, disconnected, from the rest of the sisters. The reason is, the age gap, initially, but also because she's the product of my mom's new husband. Who is currently in a coma.  My mom isn't home much, but even if she was, she wouldn't be present either way. I've always been told I have a 'mind of my own' and that I inherited it from my Mom. FUCK. I hope not. My mom makes me want to gouge my eyes out. If I could erase and/or replace one person in my life it would be her. After my stepfather, Gabriel, got into a car crash and was put in an induced coma, she shut everyone off. Blamed me. Blamed Piper. Blamed my father for dying. In her eyes, if my dad had never died, she would've never met Gabriel, which means she would've never been pregnant with Piper, which means he never would've gotten in a fatal car accident on the way to the hospital from work while my mom was in labor. That's not fair for Piper, or me, or Dad, or even fucking Gabriel. Fucking Gabriel! Me and Olivia always scream when either nobody's home, or it rains.

My favorite thing to do is change my appearance. I love to surprise. Ivanka says one of her favorite things about me, or rather her only favorite thing about me is that I surprise her. Sometimes, I'll show up with a new piercing (currently I have a nose ring, a belly button piercing, my firsts, seconds, thirds, and cartilage as-well as a tongue piercing) or a different way I'll do my makeup. But she swears, if I ever show up wearing an inch of eyeliner, I'm gone. Same if I ever dye my hair from my beautiful beach blonde to a single different thing. "You're lucky!" she says, "I have to dye mine. Nobody will ever be able to tell that this dye is box. I'm just that good!" and then she does a kissy face. One thing I hope to change about myself though, is my entire life. But until that life-changing moment, I'm sitting here alone, in my empty bed.