today I relized i could no longer remember what I was like when I loved you
i mean It must have not been a while ago
was I a child?
or in the weird interval between that and womanhood
a debutante powdering her face in the school bathroom
i always feel sad for the girl I was then
all those years ago
even though
it wasn't your fault
your red hair will always be associated with public pools
and back to school trees shedding autman leaves
i don't blame you for my sadness but I still wish we never met
because I loved you so much it was making me sick
you
just growing around me
"good people make bad decisions...
that doesn't make them bad people."
i would convince myself
but sometimes I doubt that is true
i think you knew that I was drowning in yearning
i believe you saw it as a weakness
i thought you liked weakness?
you so imperfect
and me so unspeakably lonely
standing in the mess of myself after running away from my love for you
because I can not move on
our one-sided romance has turned to stone
and my stare of longing has turned into a awkward glance
while I curse myself for looking at you when I promised myself I wouldn't
even though today I relized i could no longer remember what I was like when I loved you
I still wish you cared for me the way I cared for you
