Anna Begins [Paul Lahote]

Chapter Sixteen

Anna

Paul had told me yesterday that I could feel however I wanted to feel. I was justified no matter what. He'd said that Felicity felt bad and wanted to hear me out. And I trusted him, I did.

But Tuesday morning I was feeling insecure. So instead of facing Felicity like a good friend, I avoided her. I went to class late so she couldn't catch me before the day started. I spent gym in the nurse's office. I hid in the far corner of the library during lunch. By the time the end of the day rolled around, I was feeling a good dose of shame on top of my growing insecurity.

Could I really just never talk to Felicity again? Reality said no because I doubted I could avoid Felicity forever while also staying...friends...with Paul.

This became more evident when I received a text from Paul at the end of the day.

Paul: You maybe up for game night tonight?

I ducked into the restroom so I could focus on replying without running into anyone while my attention was divided. But how should I respond? Hey, Paul, no can do because I'm being a bit of a chicken today?

Ridiculous.

I needed to suck it up. Get over myself and talk to Felicity. Stop acting childish.

But just the thought made my stomach twist. I hadn't been able to eat much of anything since the day before. If for no other reason, that was a good one to do something to resolve this situation.

Maybe...maybe I didn't have to figure it out alone.

Anna: Can I talk to you?

Holding my breath after sending the message, I didn't have to wait long before my phone started ringing and I released a long gush of air. "Hey," I answered breathlessly.

"Hey," Paul's warm voice came over the line, and some of the tension eased from my bones. How was he already having such a strong effect on me? It should worry me more than it actually did. "What's wrong?"

So relieved to be talking to him, I gave a weak chuckle. "Can I say everything?"

"Really?" he asked, tone concerned. "Tell me about it."

"Okay, so that was a little dramatic. But I've kind of been avoiding Felicity all day."

He paused. "How would you feel if I told you I knew that already?"

My mind went blank. "I...don't know?"

"She mentioned that she hasn't seen you all day and asked if I could draw you out. I told her no, because it's up to you if you want to talk to her. But then she brought up another game night, and total honesty here? I'd love to do another one of those. So I said I'd float the idea out there. But no pressure at all if you're not ready, Anna, I swear."

The line went silent as I processed all those words. First he'd said no...then he'd said yes because it meant we'd get to hang out. Oddly, I almost wanted to smile. "You're on my side, right?"

His answer was immediate. "Absolutely."

"So I want you to be honest with me, okay?"

"Of course."

"Do you think I'm being stupid? Avoiding her and considering making up an excuse not to have game night? Should I just get over it?" I tried to keep my voice casual, but I was nervous to hear his opinion.

It took him a moment to respond, which made me feel a little better—at least he was taking my questions seriously. "Stupid? Not at all. And you should never feel like you have to force yourself to get over something. If you're upset, then you be upset. However..." he paused for a second before continuing, "if you are worried about how the conversation with Felicity will go and that's why you're putting it off, then I don't think you have that much to worry about."