I was getting frustrated almost every 2 seconds. Chanel wouldn't take no time off from going to school or working. She let a week go by and she was back doing everything she been was doing. Working, school and coming home to take care of us even on her breaks she was still here or she would just join in her classes on zoom or something.
It bothered me that I couldn't be here for my daughter the way I wanted. But believe me when I'm back I'm painting the whole city red. This isn't something ima take lightly. Muthafuckas gone see why they call me KING‼️
I grabbed the bottle from the counter and tried to pick my daughter up. I couldn't get my hand to stop shaking so I could feed her. Her little cries filled the house as I struggled to hold her. I was getting pissed off.
The fuck! I yelled annoyed.
It's okay I got it! Chanel said running through the doors. She picked the baby up from my hands and put the bottle in her mouth. I know she told me I could leave her laying down and just prop the bottle up. But I didn't want her sucking air.
I can't even feed my own daughter. I yelled pissed off. Tears filled my eyes. I never thought anything would make me cry but this shit was getting to me.
Baby it's okay. You just need a little more time.
Fuck time! I shouldn't of never let this shit happen to me. It takes me 30 minutes just to go up and down the stairs. I can't do shit for my child. You running around here doing literally every fuckin thing. This shit got me feeling some type of way man! I'm not no sucker ass Nigga! I'm not no weak ass Nigga. I can't even do shit like wipe my own ass.
Mar'Quez you was shot In the head! You have to relearn everything! Them muthafuckas didn't even think you was gone make it but you did. And that counts for something. You just have to keep at it, everything will come back to you.
And what if it don't? Hmmm riddle me that Batman riddle me the fuck that! Than what?
Than I will continue running this house hold as is. We are a team together! I pick up where there is any slack.
That's the point it shouldn't be any slack! You should be resting and just worrying about her. You know how this shit make me feel? No you don't! Less of a fuckin man! I'm not no bum ass Nigga! I yelled pissed off. Chanel had tears in her eyes from me yelling at her. I just needed her to understand that. I ain't never have to be like this depending on anyone else for anything! I got up and made my way to the garage. I could hear her crying now. She got me a bunch of exercise equipment so I could practice PT while I was at home as well.
I got down on the ground and started doing my push ups. It's crazy cause I could hold my self up for more than 20 seconds now but everyday I practice working out I could feel myself getting stronger.
I bussed out 20 push ups. I straggled with some but some of them tried me completely out. I pushed myself to start my sit ups and bussed 20 of them out.
If there is a God he should of just left me in my misery! I screamed and cried from my pain. I threw the weight that I had on my chest across the room. Chanel ran through the door and fell to her knees pulling me into her arms letting me cry and scream.
It's okay! It's okay baby! She cradled me rubbing my hair back and kissing my forehead. "I love you Quez! It's okay baby!" Her voice was soothing but it also made me break down even more. "You strong baby you can fight through all of this!"
I'm sorry Chanel! I'm sorry!
Shhhhh don't be baby! Your still the most amazing man in my eyes.! She sang whiping her tears. I can't imagine my life without her right now. She the only one who believes in me and stays by my side.
